Sunday, July 06, 2008

How To Write Morrissey Lyrics

...or any emo lyrics, for that matter.

I was headed to the grocery store and heard some random Smiths song on the radio and was marveling at Morrissey's ability to create the most random, non-rhyming lyrics. I'm sure many people read deep meaning into things Morrissey writes that he never intended. He's considered the Godfather of Emo for his supposed depth and nuance.

As I pulled into the parking lot I saw a bunch of Boy Scouts offering a car wash next to the liquor store. I decided to have my car washed , since it was very dirty. And now I will write a Morrissey song based on the experience.You can never know what I meant by this. It is so painful.
Boy Scout Car Wash

And my car was dirty.
And the Boy Scouts, they were washing cars. By the liquor store.
So I had my car washed.
Now they can go to camp this summer, because I gave them a twenty.

And they made my car shine.
And now my car shines.

And the liquor store. It's a great place to have your car washed.
If your car is dirty.

And my car was dirty. But now it's not anymore.
Because the Boy Scouts washed my car. And I gave them a twenty.
And now they will go to camp this summer. I'm so happy.
So happy for the Boy Scouts. Who washed my car.
By the liquor store.
And now my car's clean. My car's clean. My car's clean.

And they made my car shine.
And now my car shines.

And the liquor store. It's a great place to have your car washed.
If your car is dirty.



Deep, huh?

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10 Comments:

  • Trying to imagine the Johnny Marr accompaniment for this. Thankfully, I can't.

    By Anonymous M..M.McDermott, at July 6, 2008 at 7:46 PM  

  • Wow, that really sucked...congratulations on possessing absolutely no depth or talent. In radical opposition to the one you mock! Keep it up, you'll go far I'm sure. People traveling on the coat tails of others sometimes do.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 7, 2008 at 7:13 AM  

  • Ah, I knew I could draw out the Morrissey Minions. That was too easy. Tag it with his name and they will flock.

    Thank you for your kind words and I look forward to assisting you again in justifying your worship of Morrissey.

    All in fun, Anon.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at July 7, 2008 at 9:53 AM  

  • Ah, I knew I could draw out the Morrissey Minions. That was too easy. Tag it with his name and they will flock.

    That makes me just a little sad. Not your song, the fact that someone out there is looking for Morrissey posts.

    I don't know that I could make a song of it, though.

    By Anonymous Ripley, at July 7, 2008 at 10:21 AM  

  • Well anon, Jetpacks is a charming man.

    By Blogger Make the logo bigger, at July 7, 2008 at 2:39 PM  

  • Dear anonymous coward...

    If you don't like it, start your own blog. I think takingmorriseytoseriously.com is still available.Lighten up a bit, life's too short.

    Sincerely,
    Your mum

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 8, 2008 at 3:08 PM  

  • takingmorriseytoseriously.com will probably remain open because it's spelled wrong. :) Morrissey has 2 S's and Too has 2 O's.

    Emo is a completely different style of music than Morrissey. Morrissey generally sings about his "outing" wheras Emo generally sings about how people cut themselves over not getting the car they wanted for their birthday, or getting dumped by their 2 month girlfriend. Emo style is also supposedly more "punk" and even early Smiths never sounded anything like "punk"
    That being said, they can both be whiny. :)

    By Blogger stormbourne, at September 20, 2008 at 1:39 PM  

  • I went to see Moz live two weeks ago at Jones Hall in Houston, but I personally found this post hilarious.

    [yes, he knows all of his fans are psycho.]

    By Anonymous CW, at April 20, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

  • Whoever wrote this post is an idiot. First saynig how you are listening to the song in it's entirety, only to diminish it. Sad. I'm glad you wasted time putting down an artist who will be eternally more successful and insightful than your entire family combined. He grew up in a town plagued by a working class couple that scooped up children and murdered them, this went on for 2 years and had a huge impact on his life. His hometown as a child was a serial killer couples playground, that to me is reason enough to want to express your feelings, in a somewhat positive uplifting note. You make me sick. And then you waste your time writing a song? Great, wast your time, and everyone elses.

    By OpenID Skitzovoice, at July 16, 2010 at 4:09 PM  

  • Dear Skitzovoice:

    Thank you for your kind words. I now understand why Morrissey is so popular: because he grew up in a town where a working class couple scooped up children and murdered them for 2 years and that had a huge impact on his life and his hometown as a child was a serial killer couples playground.

    Makes perfect sense now that you've laid it out so elegantly. I think I will write a song about it. I will call it "Skitzovoice."

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at July 16, 2010 at 4:27 PM  

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