Hot Liquid Hope

For those of us old enough to remember when coffee was just coffee, before Starbucks and other gourmet outlets turned it into an expensive, sugar-laden delicacy, there were two undisputed leaders in the quick java jolt: Dunkin' Donuts and McDonald's. They simply tasted the best. McDonald's coffee was always way too hot, but there was no confusing its fine taste with your average 7-11 cup. And Dunkin's was even better. (Recently I stopped at a turnpike rest stop and had the most unsatisfying cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee I've ever set my lips to. It had apparently been sitting on the burner for a week and seriously damaged my view of Dunkin'.)

I attempted to quit all my addictions at once on Monday. It was a bad day. I made it until this morning, when I made myself a small cup of coffee. The difference in outlook was amazing. I went from "Life sucks and I want to go back to bed," to "I'm going to sell Dunkin' Donuts a new tagline and find a job!" It's a powerful drug. And it's legal!

So, here ya go, Dunkin'. (And Dunkin's agency.) You may use this so long as you give me a job. Same goes for any other coffee purveyor who wants to steal this. And it won't be hard to prove it's mine.

Maybe you tie it into a campaign whereby you offer a free cup to anyone who can prove they're on the hunt for work? (Yeah, that'd be cool; all sorts of derelicts and riff-raf standing in line at Dunkin'.) That way you turn yourself into the friend of the average Joe (HA! Joe! Get it? Nevermind.) who has been affected in these trying times.