Thursday, September 14, 2006

Cruise Industry Hit Hard This Year

Competitors Resort to All-Out War
(More Thursday Fake Marketing News that we wish was real.)

A Where's My Jetpack? photojournalist caught this chilling glimpse of a
Disney Cruise Fighter in the sneak attack on the Carnival Freedom,
still under construction at the Fincantieri Shipyard in Italy.

(MIAMI) “Until the last cabin steward falls,” vowed Carnival Cruise Lines President Bob Dickinson, following the Sunday morning surprise attack by Disney Cruise Forces on the Carnival Freedom, still under construction at Fincantieri shipyard in Italy. “This is war and we will not rest until we have scourged the earth of the terror of Disney,” said Dickinson.

“We are the most popular cruise line in the world, and this shameless act of cowardice on the part of these Terrorists of Tourism will not go unpunished. This is a day that will live in Cruise Industry infamy!” said Dickinson at a press conference here.

Disney issued a brief statement denying any involvement in the attack, but a splinter group with ties to Disney calling themselves the Mouse Marauders claimed responsibility for the destruction. A communiqué issued Sunday evening stated in part, “The Mouse has spoken! The Great Satan Carnival will burn like so many oily rags in a cluttered garage! Unto Death will we continue in our struggle to defeat the foes of Disney!”

Disney’s denial of involvement is being viewed skeptically by tourism officials in Italy and Miami, particularly in light of the many eyewitness reports by Fincantieri citizens who claimed to see a “wave of planes with a mouse on them” in the skies over their town at dawn on Sunday.

As the attack came on a weekend, no workers were at the shipyard and injuries were limited to minor burns to a security guard.

The attack comes as no surprise to cruise industry insiders.

“This was bound to happen sooner or later. There are way too many cruise lines out there competing for way too little business,” said Chub Chandler of Cruise Watch.

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