Friday, March 09, 2007

Resist the Onslaught

Twentysomethings, this is your moment. According to an article in yesterday's New York Times, you are about to be hit, and hit hard, with a campaign aimed right between your eyes - and up your nostrils. Calvin Klein is coming for you. He knows who you are. He knows where you live. And he's betting big bucks that you want to wear CKin2U. He's so sure of himself, he even named the new fragrance as if he were texting you a message on your cell.

Tom Murray, President of Calvin Klein, is about to get all viral on you, 'cause that's the buzz on the street. (At least that's the buzz he picked up from people who know other people who have eyes and ears on this buzzy street.) He's got a site called whatareyouin2 (that I won't link for him) that invites film students to submit shorts answering the question, "What are you into?" Supposedly patterned after MySpace, I am counting on all film students to make this "online community" a giant flop. Cue the crickets.

About the new fragrance, Murray says, "We have envisioned this as the first fragrance for the technosexual generation." That's right. He called you a technosexual. The press kit for CKin2U has technosexual lines like this: She likes how he blogs, her texts turn him on. It’s intense. For right now.

You smell delicious. Slap me.Like all fragrances, the bottles of his and her CKin2U will hold the promise of hot, sweaty love. I know you're smarter than this. (You know that the only sex that comes in a bottle is tequila.) I know you won't sign up on the Calvin Klein site and submit your short film. I know you don't want to be part of an online community that has as its centerpiece a bottle of perfume. I know you don't want to be called a technosexual. That sounds like a serial masturbator staring at online porn all day, or someone having sex with robots.

Advertisers: If you're going to do the social media thing, you can't be this stupid. Wake up and smell the sweat-soaked blog entries of your target market.

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  • If an article I read in the paper is right, 20somethings will submit films only because we are apparently the most narcissistic group on the planet and all need therapy.

    Besides, all Calvin Klein perfume smells horrible.

    By Blogger Kymber, at March 9, 2007 at 10:30 AM  

  • I hate that with companies like Calvin Klein, we all have to smell like what someone else thinks we should smell like. And if the "hot, new perfume" smells horrible, then we all smell horrible together. Whatever happened to individuality?

    By Blogger Sandra, at March 9, 2007 at 1:05 PM  

  • omfg this site is SOOOOO!!!!! amzng like who thought 2 talk this way is this increble jeenus

    By Blogger Make the logo bigger, at March 9, 2007 at 4:19 PM  

  • I wore this stuff in Second Life and the chickvatars all said I smelled like outmel protein bars and burned scsi drives.

    By Anonymous captain flummox, at March 9, 2007 at 9:02 PM  

  • it's a messed up add and the actual fragrance smells like crap but wow what is the name of that male model??? he's hot

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 12, 2007 at 6:25 PM  

  • Must I do your research for you, Anon? According to the Times article, he is the actor Kevin Zegers. Now go join his fan club and get some autographed glossies to put up on your bedroom wall.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at March 12, 2007 at 6:49 PM  

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