Monday, November 05, 2007

Please Do Not Feed the Monkeys

Week Eight begins at my freelance gig in the cube farm, where I paste copy for a large corporation's Creative Services division. I say "paste" copy because any sort of creative copywriting is severely frowned upon. It does not "meet brand." Today I tried to write a full-page ad for an industry trade that was shot down in flames by the account services people. So, for round two of the ad I went to one of the company's websites and copied some text. I pasted it into the copy deck, tweaked it ever so slightly and gave the ad the blandest headline I could imagine. "So much better. This is perfect," came the response.

In eight weeks, my cube has been moved twice. This morning the entire department was in a new location in the building. On everyone's desk was a letter signed by six individuals who had a hand in our move, one of whom goes by the title "Director of Space Planning." The letter began, "Welcome to your new home! We appreciate your cooperation in making this a smooth transition." To further enforce the feeling that we are all just caged chimps, everyone received a package of M&Ms with the letter.

This is not my home. The florescent lights are brighter than the sun. (I have already unscrewed them above my space, for which I will likely be brought up on charges.) The acoustics are like an amplified abandoned well. I ate those M&Ms and I’m sure the sound of chocolate melting in my mouth (not in my hands) was heard a few cube avenues away.

When your company has a Director of Space Planning, something is very, very wrong.

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  • Funny post. Sad (because I'm sure it's true) but funny.

    One thought - having worked in a cube farm myself, I like your photograph. The guy in the black shirt (like many who work in cube farms) has his regular CPU for work, along side his personal laptop for reading blogs, porn, etc.

    I also like the conference going on next door with the goatee guy and the green chick (she must be an AE).

    By Blogger TexanInHippieland, at November 5, 2007 at 6:08 PM  

  • at least you got m&ms. i've seen places where the employees had to move themselves.

    By Blogger HighJive, at November 5, 2007 at 7:28 PM  

  • My cheeky little monkey: DON'T fling poo.

    By Anonymous dirtsister, at November 5, 2007 at 7:30 PM  

  • "When your company has a Director of Space Planning, something is very, very wrong."

    unless you're working at nasa.

    By Blogger HighJive, at November 5, 2007 at 7:30 PM  

  • When my law firm job was being re-evaluated it was brought up that I was not "chipper" the day they moved my cubicle.

    M&Ms would have helped...

    By Blogger Thinking In Vain, at November 5, 2007 at 9:23 PM  

  • just thought of something.

    think the m&ms were leftover halloween candy?

    By Blogger HighJive, at November 5, 2007 at 9:47 PM  

  • It moves when it’s told or it gets the hose.

    By Blogger Make the logo bigger, at November 6, 2007 at 2:04 AM  

  • Ahhh - of course, HJ...."What are we gonna do with all this leftover Halloween candy?"

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at November 6, 2007 at 7:29 AM  

  • living in a cube farm is, no doubt, a dire existence. spice it up a bit with some 'buzzword bingo' at your next meeting ( we used to play this all of the time when sales wanted to get us all together and try and get us to be more 'customer-focused'

    By Blogger thompanilla, at November 6, 2007 at 9:56 AM  

  • Earphones. Helmet. Visor down. Sorted.

    By Blogger FishNChimps, at November 7, 2007 at 8:51 AM  

  • It's funny because I work with you. And now I'm jealous. All I got was a Payday candy bar. But no worries ... we get doughnuts and egg biscuits three days a week.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 11, 2007 at 9:47 AM  

  • I get the feeling the above comment was left by someone from Interactive following a link I left out there somewhere as bait. Kennedy Space Center, right?

    Good job - at least you guys are paying attention. More than can be said for most companies that keep blogs.

    Identify yourself at work next time I see you. Which isn't likely, as I can go many days without seeing some of you.

    Don't rat me out to the bosses for this post!

    Oh, crap - maybe you ARE a boss.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at November 13, 2007 at 6:31 PM  

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