Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Midnight Ride of Charlie Crist

The British Are Coming!

Florida Governor Charlie "I'm So Tan and Thin But I'm Not Gay Hey Look I'm Getting Married So McCain Will Pick Me As VP" Crist, is over in the UK and Europe, trying to drum up business for our state. And he just announced a sinister tourism marketing plan aimed at children.

From BizJournals:

Visit Florida is launching a new ad campaign aimed at boosting visitation from United Kingdom.

The campaign calls for six, four-page special sections to be inserted into First News, the UK's most popular publication for children ages 7 to 14. The sections will focus on Florida's ecosystem and environment, science and space programs, animals and wildlife, world-class entertainment, sports and unique history.

In addition, the marketing campaign will produce two issues of First News for Teachers which will provide suggestions on how to incorporate the special sections into their curriculum.

The UK is Florida's top overseas tourism market. In 2006, 1.34 million people from the UK visited Florida, with nearly 1 million of those traveling to Orlando.

On average UK travelers spend 13 days in the state and spend $3,196.

Clever. So, UK parents, your kids are about to get the full-frontal assault from their teachers. The one place you thought your kids were safe from marketing is now helping Florida with tourism. So, your kids will come home to you and squeal about Mickey Mouse and the environment and the space program and let's go to Disney and get out of the rain and fog and dreariness of home. "Come on, Mummy! Please, Daddy!"

I say ignore it. We've got too many Brits here already. Not that we don't love you and all, but your money is better spent in Greece or South Africa. Disney is overrated and very expensive. Plus, what our Fair Governor is not telling you is that in addition to Disney we have:

  • Mosquitoes
  • Alligators
  • Sharks
  • Jellyfish
  • Humidity
  • Angry drivers
  • Child molesters (who oddly favor English kids)
  • Gangs
  • Guns
  • Highway Pirates
  • Hurricanes
  • Volcanoes
  • Quicksand
  • Sea Monsters
  • Flying Monkeys
OK, maybe ALL of that isn't true, but don't say I didn't warn you.

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  • Regarding the weather post. You should try actually living in the UK. I think many people would go days without speaking if they didn't have the weather to kick off a conversation with.
    And don't think Florida is so special - we have child molesters here too ya know.

    By Blogger Harry and Laura, at July 18, 2008 at 6:33 AM  

  • Points taken, Harry and Laura.

    And I'm just playing with you. My neighbors are Brits. I work with Brits. Florida is fine - it's just the way we've gotten into your schools to sell ourselves that I find ugly.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at July 18, 2008 at 6:38 AM  

  • A few years ago one of my chimplets was in a class that was asked to describe what the various countries looked like. After the usual Italy Looks Like A Boot, The Arabian Gulf Looks Like A Bull, Britain Looks Like An Old Man, etc. it was my own proud spawn who declared That Bit Of America Looks Like A Man's Willy.

    By Blogger FishNChimps, at July 18, 2008 at 8:20 AM  

  • @So do Brit child molesters favor Florida children? I actually have friends from Belgium who in kinder got a bad grade for painting the sky gray rather than blue.

    @Jet: Let them have their Wonka fun at Disney... word to the wise though, if you're used to damp, cold and rainy weather, summertime is a bad time for Florida.

    @Fish: And it's pissing onto Cuba while tea bagging the Gulf of Mexico

    By Blogger Joker, at July 22, 2008 at 10:25 AM  

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