Product Placement

Companies can't blog about their own products because the posts always ring hollow, as if you're reading a press release. No one believes corporate blogs unless they take a customer service angle and real dialog is occurring between company and customer. Likewise, those fake blogs that try to be "viral" about some product get smelled out pretty quickly. (That Fake Liar Emily, for example.) But true unpaid testimonial still works.

Dear Grupo Modelo:

As a devoted fan of your beverages, I am blogging about them this morning in the hopes that you will send me a free case or two.

I will include a sweaty bottle picture as well, heightening my readers' desire to suck down your nectar. I will include words like "sweaty," "suck," and "nectar" in order to make my readers think of sexual activity, which your beverages have been known to encourage.

While I know many readers regard your products with disdain, often inferring that there could even be human urine in them, I disagree. My thirst is often quenched by your beverages, and from what I've read about the Donner party and others forced to do unmentionable things in the interest of survival, urine makes you thirsty.

The lime thing is cool, and for some reason only works in your beer. I've put lime in other beers without the same effect. Your branding is well done, your commercials are clever, your image solidified in this consumer's mind as a nice beer. I was drinking your beer way back when the only ones who'd heard of it were SoCal surfers. Back when it was cheap and before it got trendy, when you could go to Rosarito Beach and get a monster lobster and all you can eat tortillas, rice and beans for ten bucks.

Your beer says beach, sunshine and good times. Your main competitor's beer says NASCAR. Your other competitors branding efforts call to mind the dark smoky taverns of dark European winters (where the beer is dark and warm) or hot, dusty unforgiving Outbacks. Not fun.

I will also work on your account if you want- but not for free.

Very truly yours,

Jetpacks.