Friday, February 16, 2007

Republic of White Trashistan

We're supposed to be in Jacksonville tomorrow night for a big overnight fiesta, and it finally dawned on us that we have to drive through Daytona Beach twice on the weekend of the Daytona 500. You haven't lived until you're sitting in traffic with 100,000 NASCAR fans.

We're not NASCAR people, but we should've been able to pick up the clues. The airwaves are packed with radio and TV spots for the race. Meaning: it's two days before the race (the radio ads call it "the greatest race of all time" or "the Great American Race" or something like that) and they're STILL trying to move tickets. This can't be good for America.

George Parker spotted recently in Talladega with his girlfriendI'm sure it's a party. I'm sure it's probably great fun. I'm sure you can hear Molly Hatchet and Lynyrd Skynyrd and Keith Urban at the pre-race tailgating festivities. But it looks like our country's love affair with this sport is running out of gas. With Nextel as the main sponsor, (the Redneck walkie-talkie) they sealed up the mullet demographic pretty tight. Then they brought in Aerosmith to revive "Back in the Saddle" as a new theme song, which probably panders to the same demo. While I've never been to a race, I can bet that a fun and challenging game to play at any NASCAR event would be "Find the Black People." NASCAR needs a broader base.

NASCAR needs to reach out to the Kentucky Derby set, the Wimbledon set, not to mention minorities, tree-huggers, emo kids and soccer hooligans. There aren't enough Nextel users to fill those stands, and if this is the Great American Race, then NASCAR is in trouble.

Previously from the Prime Minister of Mulletavia

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  • NASCAR will be repulsive, even with minorities, as the racing format is bloody boring. in the immoral words of Earnhardt Jr...."It don't mean shit"

    By Blogger New York Punk, at February 16, 2007 at 12:54 PM  

  • I think they need to reach out to another demo: lesbian little people with no arms.

    just sayin.

    By Blogger Make the logo bigger, at February 16, 2007 at 3:22 PM  

  • Jetpacks
    What the fuck are you doing down there in Bubbaville? NASCAR is a complete mystery to me. Cars going round in a fucking circle 500 times for christs sake. I mean if it was an excuse to get drunk, OK. But they all drink light beer and as they all seem to weigh 500 pounds, you'd have to drink a dozen kegs of that shit just to get a buzz on. Still, they get to wave the Confederate Flag a lot...

    By Anonymous George Parker, at February 16, 2007 at 7:37 PM  

  • George:

    It's sunny and warm. I wear flip-flops all day every day. I tell friends from the West, "It's just like California, only green."

    Someday I'll retire to Virginia (Sperryville, maybe) but for now, it's livable.

    And my grandfather was from Idaho, but he got out!

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at February 17, 2007 at 9:08 AM  

  • What are the two jokes about what NASCAR stands for?

    Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks


    National Association of Simpletons, Cretins and Rednecks.

    It's like Roseanne or Home Improvement -- popular with people that "we" don't know and so we discount its influence- at our own risk.

    And yeah George, I'm with you- no idea what the appeal is.

    By Blogger Toad, at February 18, 2007 at 8:49 PM  

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