Thursday, February 12, 2009

Find a Real One on eBay for Less

"Some things just get cooler with age," reads the website. "They develop an unmistakable mojo over time that makes them look cooler and feel even more comfortable than when they were new," they go on to philosophize.

This is forgivable when it happens with jeans. Nothing screams "brand new pants" like some 501s that have never seen a washing machine. But I can't forgive this in a line of new guitars. From Fender no less.

These are not "road worn" instruments. They are new and designed to look road worn. Or as Fender puts it, they have "a killer aged design aesthetic." Smells like bullshit. But surely there is a market for these. No self-respecting wannabe rocker worth his rocks in rock would be caught rockin' a non-rock axe, right? A rocker's gotta look like a rocker, and when it comes to rockin', Fender knows how to make you look your rockin' best. Just ask Springsteen, toting around that stage prop he calls a guitar.

So now, young poseurs, you can look the part right down to your brand new "distressed" guitar from Fender. Make sure you aren't wearing brand new jeans.

Here's the Joe Strummer model.

So wrong.

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  • Yeah, that also rubbed me the wrong way. It's the distressed furniture concept, only worse. As for Springsteen, it may have been mostly a prop in the Super Bowl, but he can actually play. He wailed on one track (whose title escapes me) on Zevon's swan song.

    By Anonymous fredwich, at February 12, 2009 at 1:25 PM  

  • The guitar as prop line re Springsteen is a rumored quote from Zappa, though I can't find it.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at February 12, 2009 at 1:30 PM  

  • The worst thing about this is that there is physical proof that an instrument's age improves it's tone.

    When great musicians play an instrument the harmonics that resonate within it actually change its physical properties.

    So if I play Alex Lifeson's old guitar it will actually have a better tone than my identical one.

    Clearly this cannot be replicated by having a 12 year old Fillipino kid attack a new guitar with some sandpaper and a chisel!

    By Anonymous Rohan, at February 12, 2009 at 8:50 PM  

  • Fender actually uses a made up verb for this process; they "relic" the guitars. It's reminds me of the 80s when Def Leppard fans would buy jeans and shred them with a razor blade so they could have that "Joe Elliot" look.
    I need to get some stonewashed Levi's, "relic" them, and play "Pour Some Sugar On Me" on my new/vintage guitar this weekend.

    By Blogger Brice, at February 13, 2009 at 9:19 AM  

  • The sad part is schmucks shell out $2500 those guitars, when for half the price, you could buy your own and whomp the shit out of it yourself.

    In my experience, this kinda gear is aimed at a niche market. When I taught at music stores we used to call them "dentist guitars" because the only people buying them, it seemed, were people making dentist-level cheese.

    Seriously, beat the crap out of your own over-priced instrument. It's worked for me for all these years.

    Next they'll be selling Pete Townsend guitars for $3000. It will come in two splintered pieces held together by blood-soaked strings. That's so fucking ROCK!!!

    *Pardon me while I go toss my new-ish American Fenders, a P-Bass and the most gorgeous Telecaster known to man, down a flight of stairs. . . *

    By Blogger jack fate, at February 13, 2009 at 7:07 PM  

  • "Dentist guitar" reminds me of line from Dawn of the Dead, "The only person who could miss with this gun is the sucker with the bread to buy it."

    Douchy guitar? Sure, but nothing to get worked up over.

    By Blogger phillybikeboy, at February 13, 2009 at 9:28 PM  

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