Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Arlington, Virginia Portal to Hell is Obama Haunt

News as seen from the fringe.

Ray's Hell Burger, a nondescript restaurant in Arlington, Virginia, was visited recently by Illuminati Super Child Barack Obama and his friend, Joe "Demon Hair" Biden. The pair are shown here being served by "Ray" AKA Satan, Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness, etc.

Just as Peru is known to have secret caves that lead to the interior of our hollow earth, where the nephalim live in peace, waiting to conquer the earth's surface at the end of the Mayan calendar, Arlington has long been a passage to Hell. Ray is delighted with the exposure the Obama visit has brought his restaurant.

"We don't even have a sign. And now we have been graced with the presence of the One. Needless to say, business is booming now like a bottled water vendor beside a molten river of fire! Our flaming flesh sandwiches are being devoured now like so many Roman Christians in a pit of lions!"

Obama says he was only hungry for a good burger and one of his hipster staffers suggested the popular burger joint.

"Ray is a great guy and a good example of a small business that is making it in this tough economy. It can be done," said Obama, "The naysayers need to talk to guys like Ray."

Ray laughed at the President, offering, "Oh, yes! You need to talk to me! I will give you riches! I will give you pleasures! Yours eyes shall be opened! Bwaaaaaaaa!"

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  • Unholy crap! Obama went out to eat? Why just the other day I read an in-depth report on how he went for an evening stroll with Michelle. An evening stroll! Strolling, eating, what's next? We are witness now to "the full force of the White House press corps." Being this informed as a citizen, surely it's hell's annex.

    By Anonymous everysandwich, at May 6, 2009 at 9:07 AM  

  • ah yes, i remember the portal to hell well. what a lovely place to enjoy a flesh burger... with beezlbub and demon hair biden no less. who could ask for a lovelier day?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at May 6, 2009 at 10:55 AM  

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