Statements on States - Part II

Continuing in my quest to insult every state in the Union's tourism board, Where's My Jetpack? will now look at six more state tourism logos and slogans and offer an unqualified assessment of their efforts.

For this edition, I've chosen six states that you wouldn't necessarily think of as destination locations, yet they still employ people who are forced to extol the beauties and attractions of what are essentially boring places. It's tough to brand something that really can't be branded, and so before I set off mocking you, I want to make clear that I understand what you're up against.

Indiana: restart your engines
Are those skidmarks? I get it, "We're the home of the Indy 500, so we'll play on the whole car thing - and restart your engines will mean like, relax and rejuvenate...or something." But wait, aren't you also the home of John Cougar Mellencamp? That's why I can't go to your state.

North Dakota: LEGENDARY
A rugged Western font and a mysterious one-word slogan aren't enough to hide the fact that you are still North Dakota. Legendary flatness? Legendary blizzards? Legendary boredom? You are like the Saskatchewan of America. Good luck.

Kansas: as big as you think
Ah, the old shooting star and ribbony thing. You'll think Kansas is big as you drive across its flattened landscape, each mile feeling like ten miles. Outside the eastern edge of the state, it's pretty much bleak prairie, where you might find yourself thinking about farming, appreciating what farmers do, and thanking God you aren't a farmer.

Iowa: life| changing
Seeing a trend here with the lower case slogans? Iowa adds a pipe to make themselves all webby. It's one of those cutesy double meaning slogans that says "Iowa will change your life" and "Life is changing in Iowa - it won't always be this bad." Nice effort considering what they're trying to sell.

Nebraska: possibilities...endless
In other words, "nowhere to go but up", or "when life gives you nebraska, make nebraska-ade." No thought went into this design, which I'm guessing is a stalk of wheat falling over to cross the A's. Slogan...weak. Idea...half-baked. But I'm not being fair in singling out these easily mocked breadbasket state tourism efforts.

Delaware: It's good being first.
This is pretty much Delaware's only claim to fame. "We were first." Delaware has no national parks, national seashores, national historic sites, national battlefields, national memorials, or national monuments. But they were first, and they made a blue button out of that fact and trademarked the slogan. Might be better to just bill themselves as "real close to many of the east coast's better attractions," or "not as small as Rhode Island."

I will be happy to have all of my biased misconceptions and arrogant assumptions corrected by any of these states that would be willing to fly me (first class) to their state, put me up in nice accommodations and show me around. I'll need some spending cash and a rental car, too.

Statements on States - Part I