Saturday, December 01, 2007

Every Kiss Begins With

It's that time of year again, when men are reminded by Zales, Kay, Jared, Gordon's, JB Robinson, Helzberg and the rest, that their wives/girlfriends/mothers-of-their-babies need some sparkly shit to help them realize you're not a worthless asshole.

click to read copy

Mark posted an ad that follows the usual line, conveying the notion that women are whores for jewelry. Employing this method to sell jewelry only happens around the holidays, surely jewelry's big selling season, and sports programs on TV are packed wall to wall with templated jewelry store spots.

By following this easy guide, you can create your own jewelry store commercial. They go like this:

A Snowy Scene:
A. On a festive street, bundled up against the cold.
B. Buying a Christmas tree.
. Sitting under the tree indoors, a fire blazing behind.
. In bed

Where a Handsome Man:
A. Husband, graying temples.
Boyfriend, male model, dark tousled hair.
C. Father, active, loving and fun.
D. Offspring, acting in proxy for any of the above.

A. Diamond necklace cleverly hidden in tree, looking like an ornament.
B. Pendant placed in sleeping partner's cleavage.
C. Sneaks up behind to place jewelry around neck
D. Has kids do it for him

A Beautiful Lady:
A. Wife, gets better every year
B. Girlfriend, straight out of underwear catalog
C. Mother, the one the local teenagers ogle
D. Fiancé

Who Reacts With:
A. Moist, tender eyes
B. A loving embrace
C. A long, slow kiss, no tongue
D. A snuggle under the arm

A. I do
B. Continued wedded bliss
C. I'd choose you again
D. Sex later

You need a jingle of course, or just secure the rights to a famous love song. The jingle is stuck in my head every year at this time, "Every kiss begins with Kay," to which I sing back, "If your woman's a shallow whore."

Guys, I'm pretty sure your wife/girlfriend does not think diamonds= love. Don't fall for this. If you're going to give her jewelry for the Holidays, do it cleverly, of course, because that's always fun and romantic, but don't expect her to "fall in love with you all over again."

Labels: , , , , , , ,

Bookmark and Share


  • Damn, I already bought her a Lexus for a holiday to rememeber.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at December 1, 2007 at 11:55 AM  

  • The Home Depot spot with the husband who asks the salesgirl to pretend she's his wife is worse than most jewelry spots. Although the one with the Black kid reciting a poem while Dad unveils the cheap bracelet is particularly annoying. But at least the creative team opted against having the kid rap.

    By Blogger HighJive, at December 1, 2007 at 12:44 PM  

  • You're right, HJ. It showed remarkable restraint on the part of the agency not to have the kid rap. But you know they drafted a version where that occurred.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at December 1, 2007 at 1:39 PM  

  • “fall in love with you all over again...”

    ...for the first time.

    Oh, and for the shock and “awwww” factor, let’s add the cute family dog bringing in a tiny gift box in its mouth while wearing a red bow.


    By Blogger Make the logo bigger, at December 2, 2007 at 12:04 AM  

  • Can we get a court injunction to prevent Jared from advertising on the radio? If I ever hear "That's Jared" again I will puke. And the stomach acid in puke can tarnish some types of jewelry......

    By Blogger Ron & Jessica, at December 5, 2007 at 12:11 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home