Saturday, July 26, 2008

Keeping Your Irrelevancy Relevant

In a post-postmodern culture, where even nostalgia for stupid long-dead sitcoms died with Y2K, what is a depressed aging actress ex-wife of a crack-addict rockstar to do other than get re-famous for losing weight? You go, girl! Here's your guest spot on Ellen. Write a book. Encourage fat ladies. Do some spots for Jenny Craig or whatever. Oh, damn, this is so fun, just like the old days when I was young and pretty and untalented. Huh? Wha? The book tour's over? Quick, get a press release out to all the news outlets that I defend another washed-up fat actress' weight.

God, sometimes I just absolutely hate America. Sorry, Sean Hannity - please don't take that the wrong way.

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  • The weird thing, to me, is that so many celebrities are hawking Jenny Craig - but has anyone ever seen Jenny Craig?

    If she's real, why isn't she more well known? Or did I miss something?

    By Anonymous Ripley, at July 26, 2008 at 4:50 PM  

  • I want to see Jenny Craig 69ing Betty Crocker while Aunt Jemima gives Chef Boyardee a rim job.

    By Blogger Joker, at July 28, 2008 at 11:58 AM  

  • Joker...
    I can arange that... For a fucking humungous amount of dollars.

    By Blogger George Parker, at August 2, 2008 at 4:30 PM  

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