Rich Punks Need Discipline

"Your son will succeed" declares this ad that runs in the back pages of every issue of Sunday's New York Times Magazine. It's for St. Thomas Moore School, a place for "young men who have not yet realized their potential."

The former bad boys pose in their caps and gowns, proud to have made it out of high school. You, the parents, are just glad your boy no longer terrorizes your plush suburb with his loud music and lowered street rod, cavorting with those skanks from Jersey, who are the reason he started drinking, you're certain.

You may rest now because he's far away, across the Sound in scenic Connecticut, learning discipline and time management in the Jesuit tradition. And at $34K per year, it was well worth it to have the ungrateful brat out of your hair.

And bonus! When he comes home for Thanksgiving, you'll note with delight that your son no longer uses that faux ghetto Chav-speak. He sounds nearly like...a Kennedy!

Noted alumni include the born rich but almost went bad Mario Van Peebles, currently succeeding somewhere.