Allow Me To Apologize

On behalf of the city of Orlando and the Great State of Florida, I apologize to the rest of the country, even the world, that you have been subjected to the sordid and tragic goings-on of the Anthony family and all that Nancy Grace has wrought.

Were it not for this despicable wreck of a human who craves ghoulish gossip and who has single-handedly incited the shoeless and toothless pitchfork vigilantes to demand the head of party-girl turned child-neglecter (killer, maybe) Casey Anthony, you might still think of Orlando as a magical place where people come to live in fantasy world for a week. Instead, you get to see the hideous truth; we are just Arkansas with beaches and sunshine.


A note to Arkansans: I mean you no special derision. You're just top-of-mind when it comes to hillbillies. I could've cited West Virginia, Kentucky, Missouri, Alabama, Mississippi or 44 other states just as well-known for backwoods idiocy.