PETA Set to Piss off Sea World Visitors

PETA sent out a press release today that said "SeaWorld parkgoers will soon receive a message from above, courtesy of PETA."

A small plane carrying a large banner that reads "SeaWorld: Let Whales and Dolphins Out of Prison," will fly over the park Tuesday, according to PETA.




More here.

Only in Orlando

I wish I was making this up.

Judging by this mugshot, the offender didn't think his crime was that serious.

The victim said Moyer grabbed her chest, and she pushed him away.Moyer was sentenced to 180 days probation, and he must undergo psychological evaluation before he returns to Pennsylvania.

Is this a laughing matter? In these oh-so-sensitive times, I'd rather not even venture a guess.

Um...I mean, "No! Absolutely NOT!"

Recipe for Uncomfortable

It's not just you rain-soaked East Coasters, snow-sick Northerners or tornado-ravaged Midwesterners who like to bitch about the weather. We have our spells of "When will this shit end?" in Sunny Florida as well. Don't come to Disney this week unless you want to go home with stories of how horrible Florida is.

On second thought, come to Disney this week.

Peace on Earth for Twenty-One Seconds

Wind & Water

Christmas Eve, back porch, morning breeze blowing chimes as the pool is reflected on the ceiling. A coot can be heard on the canal while a jet passes overhead, on its way to Orlando International Airport, likely loaded with tourists coming down for the Holidays. Many of them will step off the plane and think, "We've got to move here."

Allow Me To Apologize

On behalf of the city of Orlando and the Great State of Florida, I apologize to the rest of the country, even the world, that you have been subjected to the sordid and tragic goings-on of the Anthony family and all that Nancy Grace has wrought.

Were it not for this despicable wreck of a human who craves ghoulish gossip and who has single-handedly incited the shoeless and toothless pitchfork vigilantes to demand the head of party-girl turned child-neglecter (killer, maybe) Casey Anthony, you might still think of Orlando as a magical place where people come to live in fantasy world for a week. Instead, you get to see the hideous truth; we are just Arkansas with beaches and sunshine.


A note to Arkansans: I mean you no special derision. You're just top-of-mind when it comes to hillbillies. I could've cited West Virginia, Kentucky, Missouri, Alabama, Mississippi or 44 other states just as well-known for backwoods idiocy.

Me, I Prefer Comedy

The local attractions do their best to scare the crap out of everyone for Halloween each year, and Universal Studios typically scares better than most. This year's theme is "Bloody Mary." Here is a shortened but plenty creepy promotion for the event.





The billboards for Bloody Mary are scary enough that local parents are trying to get them taken down.

Lunchtime Diversion

Whatever your opinion of organized religion, (and mine is pretty low) there's something about a Catholic church that's pretty cool. Be it an ancient cathedral in Spain or a modern one in Orlando, the Catholics know how to do it up in a way the Protestants can't touch with their mega-churches that resemble theatres. (Truth is, most mega-churches really are nothing more than theatres where the people come to watch a big show.)

So I finally took myself to "Mary Queen of the Universe Shrine" near Disney World at lunch to see what it looked like. Despite its odd name, it didn't disappoint. Click images for larger ones.

Palm Courtyard

Jesus on an Acrylic Cross

Spacey Stained Glass

Sanctuary Main

Then, upon exiting, I was struck by the majestic grandeur of the belfry of the Temple of Calvin Klein at a neighboring outlet mall.

So Glorious

I Guess He Thinks He's An Attraction

Some people stand on sidewalks in the city to preach to “the lost."

Here in Orlando, this guy goes about it a little differently, driving his completely freakish car with its glued-on statuary and stick-on lettering up and down International Drive (a touristy area featuring Sea World and a bunch of malls, restaurants and the convention center). When he gets to the end of the tourist zone, he pulls a U-turn and drives the other way.

Click for really large version to see the weird ornaments

Raining on Your Parade

I know people save for a long time for that family trip to Disneyworld. Or the convention planner schedules the big annual to-do a year in advance, reserving tickets to the attractions and arranging excursions to Kennedy Space Center and whatnot. But now is not the time to make that trip if you're dreaming of orange groves and getting a tan. (Actually, orange groves are pretty much a thing of the past, unless you go out to the sticks.) You can count on late August to December to be a crapshoot if you’re expecting that fabled sunny Florida weather, not that it isn’t still nice even when we’re experiencing a tropical storm. (If you watch the local news, you’d swear the Apocalypse had arrived. Super Viper Doppler Digital Death Watch in 3D, with 4—count ‘em— FOUR meteorologists in studio to zoom down to your street level to let you know it’s raining where you live. They also love to report live from the beach in their rain gear, scolding others who are on the beach, as if that Bachelor's Degree in Communications makes them better equipped for rainy beach survival than you.)

On the plus side, you’ll have the rides to yourselves. You can just wear a swimsuit and a shirt as it’s still warm. And if you do get here and it’s raining, remember, it’s only water.

A Smart Pop-Under? It's Possible

Got this served to me at work today. They know by my IP that I'm in Orlando, so I often get Orlando-area attractions banners, pop-ups and pop-unders.

But Universal does the classic price comparison and lays it out plain and simple: Wouldn't you rather spend a week at Universal for less than the price of a single, miserable day with the Mouse?

Bargains still work.


(And Hell No, I'm not going to any attractions around here. Still.)

And Crown Thy Good With Brotherhood

Here in Central Florida, we get people from everywhere. They come on vacation to see the Mouse, and they say, "Nice weather. We should live here." When they arrive, they never quite let go of the places they came from. New Yorkers will tell you all day long what a shithole Florida is while extolling the virtues of Brooklyn or Queens. Puerto Ricans, Britons and Russians display their national flags on their cars. On my street during college football season, I can find the flags of Notre Dame, Michigan, Ohio State and Boston College flying on porches. At the local park on any given weekend, I can watch a Dominican soccer team play a bunch of pink-faced Germans in a friendly match of national pride. Even in that loose, pick-up, amateur league, you will find the players shaking hands at game's end.

This is a transient area, a microcosm of the Great Melting Pot, where every color, country and 49 others states are represented in a simmering stew. And just like every other area that boasts a Chinatown or a Little Italy or a Spanish Harlem, we manage to get along. We're Americans first, but we're not about to let go of the places we truly think of as "home."

That said, this is my 619th blog post. 619 is an area code in San Diego. Go Chargers.

America's Backyard

Click for Bigness.
















Previously in Orlando/Disney Related:

Mickey Likes the Men
Orlando: Where the Unimaginative Set up Shop

Attention United Kingdom Visitors to Mickey Mouse

I was just up at the Orlando Sanford International Airport, where many UKers (who are easily identifiable by their footwear) seem a bit perplexed that they've flown into an airport that's still a good 50 miles and an hour away from the "wonderful attractions of the Central Florida region."

Naming this airport the Orlando Sanford International Airport is what they refer to in the travel and tourism industries as "a bald-faced lie designed to create traffic at a second-rate airport in a struggling suburb."

Use the other airport. Much easier. Then again, if crumbling rural sites, long rental car journeys and toll roads are part of your vacation plans, go wild.

Of Mouse and Men

Here in Orlando, it's time once again for the annual Gay Days at Disney World, a weeklong, oil-soaked festival of shirtless gay pride. (Although attendees are encouraged to wear red-shirts to identify themselves.)

Often loudly criticized (and boycotted) by conservative groups, Gay Days has been rounding up huge corporate endorsements, with the likes of Delta, Saturn and CNA paying for premiere sponsorships. Some companies, like Southern Comfort and esurance, even alter their logos for the celebration, making them predictably rainbow colored.

I wouldn't even be aware that the event was this week had we not been driving from Tampa yesterday on Interstate 4 , approaching the theme park area, where a huge billboard picturing guys in Speedos standing around a car announced it. Disney likes to keep this week under wraps, afraid of tarnishing their clean image. It's an "under the radar" thing you'll have a hard time finding on any official Disney websites.

It's a fine line to walk for Disney. They don't want to lose the dollars of either the gay community or the conservative community, and so they just act like it's not happening. That silence on Disney's part can sometimes catch heterosexual visitors and their families off guard, prompting Moms and Dads to spontaneously explain why "two men are kissing." In recent years, it's said to be getting a little out of hand. A gay man in Orlando writes an eloquent piece, deriding the invasion of "he-women and shaved down muscle boys."

"What once was a small group of well meaning gay men and lesbians has grown – and in my opinion, deformed – into what is now nothing more than a vile spectacle of self indulgence and indecency. I don’t like it when I hear pompous windbags telling me I’m going to burn in hell for being gay, and I’m sure most of the free world would appreciate a visit to Disney World that did not include the vision of grown men in go-go shorts, and ads for lubricant prominently displayed throughout the host hotel."

So, if you're not gay and you're planning on a Disney trip and the sight of "two queens frenching outside Cinderella castle," would give you pause, best to stay away this week. If you do make the trip, leave the red shirts at home.

Orlando: Where the Unimaginative Set up Shop

Those trusty Windy City ad bloggers at AdFreak took note of my locale's lame attempts at driving tourism. Let's start with the "magical" city logo. Looks like something from a stage set for a 1970s Tony Orlando and Dawn (TOAD) variety show. Neon. Beveled. With stars! Neat-o! Someone please take the pirated Photoshop off that computer. Or was that the freeware "Disney-Starry" font?

But the real kicker is the city slogan the Orlando Travel and Vistors Bureau just decided on. Get ready....here it is...“Orlando: Built for families. Made for memories.”

Arrrgh. So I sent them a too late note this morning, basically offering them free use of a much better slogan. They replied promptly with this:

Thank you for your interest in the Orlando area. Sorry we are unable to accept any advertising slogans or marketing concepts from outside companies or individuals. We are under contract with an advertising agency that manages our marketing campaigns and slogans.

Seems to me the agency is getting the better deal with that contract. "We can give them anything and they have to use it."

Contracts like that one were made to be broken, and don't give me that "unable to accept any advertising slogans or marketing concepts from outside companies or individuals" crap when I know your agency was behind this free and ill-advised study.

Everyone's an advertiser.