Indulging My Architecture Fantasies

I've probably mentioned it before, but I had a brief dream as a child that I wanted to be an architect. That dream was crushed by my brain's inability to love math. Seems there's some math involved in architecture, which is stupid, 'cause if I can imagine it, I can build it, right? Anyway, so I didn't get to be an architect, and I can say, "Oh, well, probably for the better." And I tell myself most architects probably hate life anyway because they have to design block apartments and hideous convenience stores and other things they despise. And they look back to their idealistic college days and wonder what happened to that student who was going to build incredible houses and magnificent structures and they think of killing themselves. So yeah, who wants to be an architect? Stupid job. Stupid math job.

But I like to play with design still and imagine "What if?" It seems I'm not the only one who's come up with this: Concrete pipe dwellings. Here's a hotel in Austria using concrete pipes for rooms. They only have three rooms randomly strewn on a lawn and they didn't really go for it in grand way, but I'm sure it's unique. Above is a modest little dwelling in China, and below are some guy's plans for something a little better. Kinda cozy in a claustrophobic way. (More detail here.)

While I applaud these modest efforts, all ya'll are thinking too small! If I were your architecture professor, I'd give you all F's and berate you before the class, suggesting that maybe you just kill yourself now since you'll be contemplating it anyway 20 years down the road when you're designing buildings that remind people of Soviet controlled Eastern Europe.

Let's get serious about concrete pipe. Like THIS monster mofo piece of pipe from Ameron International. 

You bury this chunk of cement halfway in the ground, either vertically or horizontally, and you've got a hurricane proof,  tornado proof, energy efficient place to build out. Stick three or four of them together, cut a few holes for windows and doors, and that's a nice sized place. Some stainless steel appliances and you're the coolest house in town. Leave a small section unfinished for your skateboarding kids. You'll need your own land, though, as I'd imagine most Home Owners' Associations shitting bricks if this went up in their neighborhood.

But as we've discussed before, rounded buildings don't catch the wind. (Hurricane season starts in a few days, which is why I'm thinking of this, I suppose.) And I'm pretty sure things half buried are easier to heat and cool. Surely there's some concrete pipe maker out there who once harbored dreams of becoming an architect who wants to try this experiment with me. Any of you old white guys on Ameron's board want to get your hands dirty? C'mon. It'll be fun.

Hurricane Houses for Haiti

FACT: Round Houses Stand Up to Hurricanes.

These little cylindrical dwellings would be cheap, I'd guess. And the bonus is that with no corners for the wind to grab, they might last a while and not get shred apart by the storms so common in the area. All you'd need is a section of concrete pipe. Beats the hell out of a tin shack covered in cardboard and plastic. How it holds up in an earthquake I couldn't tell you. Probably better than a tin shack covered in cardboard and plastic.

Background image is actually Haiti. Foreground dwellings created in Google Sketch-Up. Remember Google Sketch-Up? I finally learned how to make a dome from a YouTube tutorial.

Unemployment Will Make a Man Do Weird Things - Part 2

Regular readers of this blog know that I'm a huge fan of Google Street Views. So I decided to tour the country and see every state capitol building. It was fun. Here is a record of my trip, with an original track by the insanely talented Fred Leo of Atlanta, on which I provided the whistle. I hope this little half-minute lark goes a long way toward healing the deep divisions that threaten to tear our country asunder, but I'm a realist, and some of these state capitols are hideous monstrosities of architectural incompetence, built by stupid people in stupid states where all the opinions are stupid. So there.



More Google Street Views nonsense.

Every State Has a Springfield

Dominating the skyline like an Eastern European monument to thoughtless architecture, the Springfield, Illinois Hilton lends an eerie ugliness to a town whose chief qualities are eeriness and ugliness.

Scene of Obama's announcement to run for President (an impressive event) and the home of the Illinois State Capitol (an impressive structure) the town also hosts the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. This is no ordinary museum, and despite its overwhelming fascination with death and ghosts and creepiness (a wax figure of Mary Todd Lincoln sits dressed in black, the window reflecting a gloomy rain as she mourns the death of her son with a bible on her lap; a replica of the rotunda is dark and ominous, where Lincoln's body lies in state) the museum rivals anything Disney could do. Put together by BRC Imagination Arts (WARNING: exceptionally cheese-filled homepage video on their website) the exhibits leave you asking, "How did they do that?" which is a pretty decent takeaway for any museum.

We had a good visit, randomly deciding to stop in (at the compulsion of some roadside signs) as we drove through the very flat and uninspiring middle of Illinois. Springfield has an Arby's. We ate there. I had the French Dip, an inspired sandwich, the au jus of which was "CAUTION: EXTREMELY HOT" so I cannot sue them for a burnt tongue as they warned me ahead of time.

I took a moment to travel back in time to try to talk John Wilkes Boothe out of what he kept referring to as his "destiny," but alas, I was too late. His mind was made up.

And An Icemaker in the Refrigerator Door!

Make Hay While the Sun Shines

Nothing to report off in the Atlantic right now. No destruction imminent. In the game of Hurricane Roulette, no one enjoys seeing another city suffer, but everyone who lives in the Hurricane Zone is glad when one skirts their locale.

After every hurricane, there's at least one report of a house that sustained no damage while bearing the worst of the storm. Invariably, these houses are domes. Makes perfect sense. The wind has no corner to grab, like a roof edge, gable or dormer. So why the hell aren't we building more dome houses in hurricane and tornado-prone areas? Insurance rates would drop for coastal dwellers and the federal bailout would be minimized. The house pictured, while a little grand, is one of those that weathered tough storms and came out relatively unscathed.


I'm sure this idea could be mass produced on the cheap, especially for poverty stricken and hurricane ravaged areas like Haiti, the DR and Cuba.

I've Decided to Become an Architect

Like much of the country, I have been inspired by Sarah Palin. 

I don't have any training in architecture, I'm not that good at math and most of what I design gets roundly ridiculed and laughed at by my designer friends. 

But I played with blocks as a kid. And Legos. I have a copy of Sketch-Up, too, so I think I'm pretty well set. 

A San Fran based artist/architect has designed this cool looking "off-the-grid" nomad thingy. See more images of it in other environments at Kyu Che's site.

Found at.

Lunchtime Diversion

Whatever your opinion of organized religion, (and mine is pretty low) there's something about a Catholic church that's pretty cool. Be it an ancient cathedral in Spain or a modern one in Orlando, the Catholics know how to do it up in a way the Protestants can't touch with their mega-churches that resemble theatres. (Truth is, most mega-churches really are nothing more than theatres where the people come to watch a big show.)

So I finally took myself to "Mary Queen of the Universe Shrine" near Disney World at lunch to see what it looked like. Despite its odd name, it didn't disappoint. Click images for larger ones.

Palm Courtyard

Jesus on an Acrylic Cross

Spacey Stained Glass

Sanctuary Main

Then, upon exiting, I was struck by the majestic grandeur of the belfry of the Temple of Calvin Klein at a neighboring outlet mall.

So Glorious

We Interrupt This Broadcast

Usually all I do on this blog is make fun of stuff and bitch about things that suck. While that's fun, I'm going to change hats now and offer up genuine praise (again) for a brand that simply kicks ass. Publix Supermarkets.
This Florida-based, employee owned market has as its slogan, "Where shopping is a pleasure." While that is a pretty lame, old-school slogan, it is in fact true. Happy, helpful employees. Clean stores. Even their generic store-labeled products are creatively packaged. They do the best TV of any supermarket chain out there. Even their circulars in the Sunday paper are creative, and I throw those away instantly. "No matter," says Publix, "We keep them online for you." They even try to make their stores look cool. They don't cookie-cutter build them and rarely will you see the same architecture.

I may be blinded by the fact that I just discovered a sushi vendor at a local Publix who simply blows the doors off those uncaring sushi slobs at my local Albertson's. I would follow this lady on tour if she took her act on the road. Restaurant grade. Premium. Inventive. And she smiles and offers a genuine "thank you" when you snatch up her creations.

I may never have to shop at Albertson's again.

Man Makes Movie - Should be President

MTLB relays the info that we're all supposed to be blogging green on Monday. I have plans to be away from blogability at that time, so here's my halfhearted leap at jumping on the Gore Train.

Here's a cool site about funky green architecture.
That's a converted water tower in Germany in the photo above.

There, I did my part. Now I'm going to drive my Hummer stretch limo in endless circles with the AC on high while I eat fast food and throw the trash out the window.

But seriously, if you think Bush not signing the Kyoto Protocol caused Hurricane Katrina*, then you should start making plans now to visit China and India to see if you can talk those countries into your plan to fix the world. Here's a list of the world's top ten most polluted cities. Not a US city in the bunch.

*I'm not a Bushman, but blaming him for global warming is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Fun Building

A local air conditioning/electrical /plumbing contractor named Ferran is currently building a new headquarters just south of downtown Orlando, right on Interstate 4. The building distracts me worse than a billboard as I pass it to and from work, so I took some morning and afternoon shots of it while driving by at 70 mph. I think it's a very cool design, especially the giant fan that faces the highway, turning slow enough to see the yellow blades. I suppose in a few years the electrical outlet shaped window facades might seem silly, but it sure grabs my eye every day.

I thought I'd be an architect when I was a kid, but that pesky math thing got in the way. And then I reasoned that most architects probably have to design crappy block apartments and what fun could that be? The group that designed this building, Evans, of Orlando, seems like a fun place to work. They've done some cool stuff around town. I've driven past their building downtown and you can see inside. The cubicles, if you can call them cubicles, are really little houses, the whole space resembling a small town.

click for better view