Sunday, December 21, 2008

As Seen on TV

An unsolicited commercial script for a birthday gift I received from my sister-in-law.


Are you tired of the hassles of grilling in the dark? The neck pain from holding a flashlight under your chin? The undercooked food that you thought was done? The embarrassment of looking like a bad chef when you return to the grill to finish what you thought was already finished? The lawsuits from your dinner guests after they get food poisoning? The whispers and talking behind your back? The social ostracism and lifelong humiliation? The resulting alcoholism, drug addiction and thoughts of suicide?

These problems melt away with the Grill Light.

The Grill Light uses high powered LEDs. Unlike standard bulbs, LEDs illuminate food without the extra ambient glow that reflects off grill surfaces, obscuring the color of steaks, chops, burgers and ribs, making it more difficult to judge doneness, and making you look stupid when you walk into the house with pink chicken or raw steak.

Cook with confidence with the Grill Light, the life-saving miracle that will keep you, your family and all who eat in your home happy, healthy and free from the illnesses resulting from the digestion of undercooked food.

Available at Lowe's and other fine stores.

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5 Comments:

  • This is very intriguing, and well I know the issues of night time grilling you so well describe. If this in fact accurately communicates the actual state of meat doneness or rawness in dark-of-night conditions, that product is victory.

    By Anonymous sandwich, at December 21, 2008 at 2:34 PM  

  • If you can't see the meat, it just means your fire's not big enough. More lighter fluid!

    By Anonymous Ripley, at December 21, 2008 at 2:57 PM  

  • I highly recommend investing in a LED headlamp that you can find in the sporting goods section of most stores. It leaves your hands free, and you have light where ever you need it. Yeah, you look a little weird, but when it comes to proper bbq I don't mess around.

    By OpenID marriedtotheenemy, at December 22, 2008 at 10:30 AM  

  • You wait until two days before Christmas to tell us about this wonder?

    My father is just going to have to grill in the dark until Father's Day.

    By Anonymous PZR, at December 22, 2008 at 12:25 PM  

  • As a year-round 19/7 griller, this is genius. Gauging meat by citronella candle has been an epic fail thus far.

    By Blogger Make the logo bigger, at December 23, 2008 at 6:48 PM  

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