Respect The Food (I Like an Ad)

I do not like mushrooms, unless they're shitaki, and grilled to a delicate crisp with lots of tangy marinade, disguising their once slimy and sickening texture.

But this photograph of a mushroom is awesome. And so is the headline. And the simple copy. And the simple call to action. The ad quietly conveys that SubZero is THE name in refrigeration, deserved or not. Microscopic Freshness is the message. (Easy financing available to qualified buyers.)

As Seen on TV

An unsolicited commercial script for a birthday gift I received from my sister-in-law.


Are you tired of the hassles of grilling in the dark? The neck pain from holding a flashlight under your chin? The undercooked food that you thought was done? The embarrassment of looking like a bad chef when you return to the grill to finish what you thought was already finished? The lawsuits from your dinner guests after they get food poisoning? The whispers and talking behind your back? The social ostracism and lifelong humiliation? The resulting alcoholism, drug addiction and thoughts of suicide?

These problems melt away with the Grill Light.

The Grill Light uses high powered LEDs. Unlike standard bulbs, LEDs illuminate food without the extra ambient glow that reflects off grill surfaces, obscuring the color of steaks, chops, burgers and ribs, making it more difficult to judge doneness, and making you look stupid when you walk into the house with pink chicken or raw steak.

Cook with confidence with the Grill Light, the life-saving miracle that will keep you, your family and all who eat in your home happy, healthy and free from the illnesses resulting from the digestion of undercooked food.

Available at Lowe's and other fine stores.