This Week in Dangerously Cool Packaging

Lately, I've been trying to drink water and good stuff and avoid the drugs like Pepsi, Coke or those crack-infused energy drinks. So in the store the other day I spotted some little juice boxes from Dole and grabbed a six-pack for work. They feature the coolest little Ninja Telescopic Dagger Straws that are so strong they'd make great prison shivs. This isn't the old frustrating "try to poke a hole in the package and watch the straw bend" design. This is the "confiscate from the kids in the lunchroom because they've been killing each other" design.

You can conceal it in your palm until the time is right and then "Click - Stab!" that punk Nathan from Mrs. Green's class is no longer your rival for the affections of Jaimie, who Lindsey said sorta likes you.

I foresee lawsuits and a product recall, but until then, I drink my orange-pineapple-banana juice with the confidence that comes from knowing I could murder anyone who dared take it from my Ninja fist.