That's How You Sell Coffee

Back in the old days, Hills Bros Coffee used this sleepy old Ethiopian man in a nightgown to sell coffee. He's shuffling through the kitchen, guzzling his coffee with abandon, praying to his God that the waking powers of the ground beans will jolt his old ass up out of his stupor. It's not working.

Turns out, however, he's not just trying to wake up. He's a connoisseur. He's known as "The Taster."

A young artist named Briggs offers to create a company trademark. His design, the ‘taster’, inspired by the coffee’s Ethiopian origin, is welcomed by Austin and R.W. A life-size statue is still present at the Hills Bros. San Francisco building.

A white Ethiopian. OK. That's what you get in 1906, I guess. Not sure when Hills Bros. ditched Sleepy Grandpa, but he's left the scene in favor of font-only packaging.

But moving forward...

Now that the Keurig system has taken over the world, putting all other home brew systems virtually out of business (and completely shutting down the very fine Senseo brand, which made a better cup than Keurig as far as I was concerned) we have more than enough options as far as brand and flavor.  Yes, Hills Bros. is still in the game, along with perennial players Folger's and Maxwell House, but I'm sure they're all lagging far behind Keurig's own brand, Green Mountain, makers of Dark Magic, Donut Shop and probably whatever you have in your kitchen. Starbucks has a nice chunk of the market, no doubt, but I say make way for some old players in youthed-up packaging.

Enter these kids selling Cafe Bustelo, a very rich, old Spanish/Puerto Rican/Cuban blend (a long story - check their website for the history). It's pretty much an espresso roast available in K-cups. It packs a mean morning punch, as evidenced by their ultra-caffeinated feats of acrobatic daring, gravity-defying gyrations and crazy smiles. These kids are JACKED.

Various incarnations of these young Latin coffee addicts appear on the packaging of Cafe Bustelo K-cups. Look for them at your grocer's.

I was not paid for this endorsement. But I should've been.  

Extreme Packaging Won't Mask The Lack of Salt and Sugar

Everyone and their grandma has already blogged about "the genius" behind CP+B's new packaging for baby carrots, and now here's their commercial for the same.



It's so tongue-in-cheek it could be an SNL skit. Clever. Funny. So ironic as to have taken irony to a new ironic dimension.

Will it sell baby carrots? I doubt it.

The Asterisk is Your Friend

Years ago, in a meeting between representatives from the legal, sales and marketing departments, someone suggested, "Really, we can pretty much say anything we want if we put an asterisk next to it, and then explain the overstatement or blatant lie on the back or the bottom in very small print."

In this case, that fine print would read: You can't really COUNT the peanuts and measure that count against the number of all the other nuts combined. When we say, "Less than 50%," we mean by weight. So, if you want, you can weigh all the peanuts and compare that result against the weight of all the other nuts combined and you'll find that it probably comes in at around 49.99999%. But don't you think it's cool how we managed to hide all the peanuts under a layer of the better nuts carefully placed on the top of the can? Do you know how long it took us to accomplish that feat of packaging? It's like automated food styling!"

Smell Like a Man - Or a Corona Swilling Pirate or Something

In keeping with their ad campaign that encourages men to "Smell like a man, man," Old Spice's packaging is along for the ride. An old friend sent along this image. Note the copy at the top.

It's a Cookie and a Cracker - You Can Figure it Out

The design world is (was) buzzing about what Baker Associates did for a couple of iconic junk food products for Target. At one discussion, a dissenter says, "When you mess with classic brands like this it looks more like they were robbed, not cleaned."

I wholeheartedly disagree. I see these packages and I say, "Nice." A few others see it the same.

But my opinion is likely suspect. My ideal kitchen would be all stainless steel with a drain in the floor and coiled hoses coming down from the ceiling to rinse the whole place off after I make a mess. The pantry would be filled with easy-to-identify items like these packages. Those comparing this to Tropicana's much-hissed-at repackaging failure are missing a key point: Tropicana's redesign made the product look generic. These are still very clearly Oreo cookies and Ritz crackers.

I see Target as understanding a good chunk of their clientele; the person who appreciates style but can't afford it. This seems a nod to the whole Michael Graves side of the business. Those with their boxers in a bind, their panties in a wad, their knickers in a twist can take comfort in the fact that Target is calling this an "in and out" for the summer only. That's too bad.

This Week in Dangerously Cool Packaging

Lately, I've been trying to drink water and good stuff and avoid the drugs like Pepsi, Coke or those crack-infused energy drinks. So in the store the other day I spotted some little juice boxes from Dole and grabbed a six-pack for work. They feature the coolest little Ninja Telescopic Dagger Straws that are so strong they'd make great prison shivs. This isn't the old frustrating "try to poke a hole in the package and watch the straw bend" design. This is the "confiscate from the kids in the lunchroom because they've been killing each other" design.

You can conceal it in your palm until the time is right and then "Click - Stab!" that punk Nathan from Mrs. Green's class is no longer your rival for the affections of Jaimie, who Lindsey said sorta likes you.

I foresee lawsuits and a product recall, but until then, I drink my orange-pineapple-banana juice with the confidence that comes from knowing I could murder anyone who dared take it from my Ninja fist.

Because "Bathroom Tissue" By Any Other Name...

...would still serve the same purpose.

Besides, it's not fun to call someone a "bathroom tissue."Go ahead and ridicule my P-Shop skills, but just so you know, I used "inner bevel" to piss you off on purpose.

And if anyone can locate this old SNL skit featuring Nick Cage, lemme know.

Louisiana Fried Chicken

Pentagram Design (motto: "We Don't Worship Satan Very Seriously") will be helping Popeye's Chicken rebrand for a younger audience.

Here's the new packaging, featuring jazz musicians that the Austin-based Pentagram hopes will convey the message that Atlanta-based Popeye's has its roots in Louisiana. Good approach as any, I guess.

More images at Pentagram's blog.

Down here in Florida, we have Maryland Fried Chicken.

In-Store Ingenuity

My grocery store of choice, Publix, (hated by Greenpeace) has created a display in the foyer/entryway of my local store that says it all for the shopper looking to save a buck.

Two carts, filled with identical items. The cart on the left is filled with the store's brands while the cart on the right is filled with name-brand and identical national items. (The contents of each are wrapped in cellophane lest passers-by grab stuff from either cart and mess with the integrity of the comparison.) You can't make it out in this cell-phone photo, but the difference in price, written on the cards at top of the two carts, is about $45 in favor of Publix store brands.

As a student of in-store packaging and the lack of creativity in that packaging, Publix steps it up compared to say, Wal-Mart. Creative, witty copy. Nice photography. Good work, all in all. Publix's creative director, Tim Cox, has revolutionized the in-house creative department.

I don't care what Greenpeace says about Central Florida-based Publix. This chain is smart as hell.

Red, Red Wine

What I know about wine would fit on a Post-It note, as shown here. When looking for a bottle of wine, I'm just as likely to be suckered by a nicely designed label as I am by a clever or intriguing name for a vineyard. And the grocery store's wine section is like an art gallery of competing labels. But if you've got grapes on your label, you really didn't think this through and you aren't attracting me to look again. I know grapes make wine, thank you.

The phrase, "Don't judge a book by its cover," likely came into being because book jacket designers were doing a good job of getting people to buy crappy books just by making the covers attractive, whereas some hidden gems went unnoticed because the covers were bland. And so books, like wine, are best purchased upon the recommendation of someone you trust, be that a friend or a critic. But wine critics speak a language I don't understand. I don't know what a "hint of oak" is. "Soft buttery tones" is way too refined for my taste buds to determine. I would not know how to judge a wine's "character." I'm the idiot in the wine section looking at pretty labels.

This ad in today's PLAY magazine in The New York Times jumped out at me. The art is colorful and bold. I didn't even notice the poor copy as I was taken in by the old school illustration of a mountain stream. Then you look at the bottle and hope the art is duplicated there. It is, but not nearly to the effect of the ad. If the label had this sort of color and style, it would catch my eye in the store and I would give it a second look. Then I'd think, "Pinot noir...that was the wine that Paul Giamatti's character was obsessed with in the film Sideways. He was a wine snob in the first degree. And as I recall, pinot noir sales shot up as a result of that film. I hate following trends. I'm not drinking pinot noir. Where's that cheap Australian merlot ?"

Recyclable Paper Plates!

Winner: Most Misleading Packaging and Product Naming

"Nature's Own." "Green Label." And the kicker, "Made from 100% Paper, A Renewable Natural Resource."

This is almost as bad as the 400 pound man who owns a car dealership and can therefore call himself "The world's largest Chevy dealer."

Through a Glass Darkly

"In the past, we would only let specially trained janitors and housekeeping staffs use this highly Powerized cleaning product, but we have decided to start allowing you, the untrained amateur, to experience the streak-free shine of our Commercial Line™ of cleaning products on your glass surfaces. Please use responsibly."

I might've known...they even have a website. And people actually write to them with real life stories. I am a little disappointed that they don't include AIM icons, desktops or screensavers, and they aren't sponsoring a user generated video contest. Also, no Windex blog. Wow. So behind the times. But they were forward-thinking enough to include a game called Shine Time.

The sad drawback is Shine Time works only with the Windows 95 and Windows 98 operating systems.

Kingsford Trying to Kill Hispanics

I grill on average 3 evenings a week. Carne de Res. Carne De Pollo. Pescaodos y Mariscos. Etc. Down here in Florida, (The Sub Deep South) it's grillin' time pretty much 365.

I'm a Kingsford man. Mesquite, preferably. Kingsford charcoal has its roots in the Ford corporation. Bold Moves, indeed.

The entire bag is in English AND Spanish, EXCEPT the carbon monoxide warning at the top advising you not to grill inside your home, trailer, tent, or migrant worker shack.

I'm sure Kingsford means no harm. Update that package, bros.