Save Us Some Time and Tell The Truth

Truth in advertising would be so cool, even at the lowest levels. I was inspired to create this after stopping at a yard sale this morning.

Text Appeal - HA! Get it?

One of AT&T's current banner ads, modified to get down to what their stupid headline is implying.

As approved by the daring client:What the creative team passed amongst themselves:

We're Putting Cosmetic Surgeons Out of Business

It started with "iQ SkinTensive" and their amazing Fountain of Youth Flash banners. Now everyone with a moisturizer to sell has adopted the "old lady gets young" theme, only they're really pushing the boundaries of truthfulness lately. C'mon, people, we're in advertising! We tell the truth!

This woman doesnt just appear younger, she has actually changed ethnicities. She was a 70 year-old Native American from Arizona, now she is a 25-year old Swede. Amazing shit. Results not typical. Simulated imagery.

Previously in "Miracle Wonder Cream's Lying Flash Banners":

From Decaying Corpse to Radiant Beauty in One Application

Individual Results May Vary

Fine print is small – don’t read it all
It says what it must – as if you can’t trust
Would I lie to you? Would I tell you untrue?
If I can get in – give it just the right spin
I sell apples to Eve – and make her believe

that she’s a failure, a victim, she needs her eyes opened
Her man’s a pansy, substandard, and lacking in size
She’s wrinkled, small-breasted, bad mother, lover, wife
until she buys the thing to revolutionize her life*

*From Seller in the Cellar, a forthcoming song on a forthcoming project.

Recyclable Paper Plates!

Winner: Most Misleading Packaging and Product Naming

"Nature's Own." "Green Label." And the kicker, "Made from 100% Paper, A Renewable Natural Resource."

This is almost as bad as the 400 pound man who owns a car dealership and can therefore call himself "The world's largest Chevy dealer."

Individual Results May Vary

Saw this shady Flash banner on the homepage of the LA Times website. The "Before" triptych shows three women aging less than gracefully. Then, BOOM! With a wipe of some lotion they are transformed (like magic!) into much younger, cleaner skinned models. From 60 to 30 in just a few applications.

The vertical text reads: "Simulated Imagery"

No kidding.

Fine print is small – don’t read it all
It says what it must – as if you can’t trust
Would I lie to you? Would I tell you untrue?
If I can get in – give it just the right spin
I sell apples to Eve – and make her believe

that she’s a failure, a victim, she needs her eyes opened
Her man’s a pansy, substandard, and lacking in size
She’s wrinkled, small-breasted, bad mother, lover, wife
until she buys the thing to revolutionize her life*

*From Seller in the Cellar, a forthcoming song on a forthcoming project.