My Turn To Do a Spec Ad for WWF

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Another Amazing Before/After Lie

Stunning turnaround, Helen, of Helen's Diet (dot com). Helen lives in YOUR TOWN, has two children and a wonderful husband. She's no guru. She just wants to share with you how to completely makeover your body by eating magic berries and sitting on the toilet.

If you try to leave Helen's site, she gets really concerned and starts throwing warnings at you, asking if you're sure you want to leave her site. "Look at me!" Helen cries, "Turn around and look at me!" She strips to her underwear and calls after you. "Eat my berries! I will cleanse your colon! I'm not doing this for me. It's for YOU!"

What? Was I Supposed to Lie?

Notes on a Meeting #8 - Fake It

A couple more characters for the comic strip. These are "The Fakers." They're not exclusive to office environments. I'm sure you know a few. But really, this type is easier to deal with than the constantly-down "Moper," forever depressing everyone with sad tales of real life trouble. In our superficial culture, when we ask, "How's it going?" we don't really want to hear anything besides, "Fine." It's a greeting, not an invitation to unload.
Follow the trail of "Notes on a Meeting."

Joe The Plumber - The Real Story

Thank God for YouTube. Here's the full "confrontation" between Joe The Plumber and Barack Obama. Sean Hannity will never let you see this.



There goes your "socialist" argument, Right Wing Propagandists. For almost six minutes, Obama explains to Joe The Plumber the intricacies of his tax plan. It's long and boring, but it shows how insane this campaign has become, where the phrase "spread the wealth around" is lifted to prove that Obama is a Commie.

Gimme a fuckin' break.

Straight Talk, my ass, Johnny. You're a sad, little shadow of the imaginary character you used to pretend to be.

Push Poll Paul

I've modified "Cold Call Carl" as we come into the final stretch of this marathon of an election season. The din of the spin is deafening and dumbing.

If I were a teacher and America sat in my classroom, I would mark on her paper, "F. See me."

click for bigness

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

There Are Two Kinds of People in This World

As Hillary Clinton continues to destroy everything in her path in pursuit of power, it is sad and sickening to watch the final death throes of her campaign. It’s like the Wicked Witch’s last scene in The Wizard of Oz. The shock on her face as Dorothy throws the bucket of water, then the shrieks and hissing as she melts down to her hat and cloak. (Did I just call Hillary Clinton a witch? Absolutely. And that makes me no more a misogynist than calling Bush a chimp makes me a zoo keeper.)

About a week ago, I almost felt pity for her. “She fought hard,” I lied to myself. “She certainly has grit and stamina,” I justified. Then my mind was suddenly liberated from that demonic reasoning and I recalled the despicable tactics, the rule-changing in mid-game, the charge that anyone who isn’t a Hillary supporter is sexist and the countless other shameful acts she and her husband have shown us this political season. Now she insists that letting her have her way, giving her the presidency she so desperately wants, so in her heart believed was hers, is on the same moral plane as the abolition of slavery, the civil rights movement or women’s suffrage. And her die-hard legion of cultists truly believe “She cares about ME.” No, she doesn’t. She cares about nothing and no one but herself. If the states that went for her opponent don’t matter and the rules don’t matter, YOU sure as hell don’t matter.

Smile, point and wave. At invisible people on the tarmac.

As she now brazenly lies and cheats, she is turning our already ugly politics on its hideous head. She is spitting and shitting on us, and telling us while she does so that it’s for our own good. Thank you, Queen Hillary. May I have a towel? Maybe she actually is mad, as in crazy, as some suggest. I think she’s merely soulless.

But if she were my mother or sister or aunt, I’d probably try to avoid her phone calls and maybe gently suggest she seek counseling and medication. If she were my wife, I’d have divorced her years ago. Take the house, take half my money. Hell, take it all! Please, just go. If Obama picks her as his running mate, he’s a tool and a fool. Is America ready for a female president? Stupid question. Quit asking. Of course we are. But America will never be ready for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Now, for the other kind of person in this world.

Grace Moon, a 6th grader from California, won Google’s Doodle 4 Google competition. She came up with this very cheerful design. Here’s Grace’s explanation: My doodle, "Up in the Clouds," expresses a world in the sky. This new world is clean and fresh, and people are social and enlightened. Every person here is treated as family no matter who they are. The bright sun heats this ideal place with warmth, love, and brightens everyone's day.

I will not throw dark clouds at your sunny vision, Grace. But you show beyond-your-years insight by explaining that this world you’ve created with your art is in the sky. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Very nice. A+.

Recyclable Paper Plates!

Winner: Most Misleading Packaging and Product Naming

"Nature's Own." "Green Label." And the kicker, "Made from 100% Paper, A Renewable Natural Resource."

This is almost as bad as the 400 pound man who owns a car dealership and can therefore call himself "The world's largest Chevy dealer."