Obama Looking for People Who've Never Seen a Computer

...to help run his administration.
Here's one of the questions from the incoming administration's lengthy questionnaire for potential employees:

Electronic communications: If you have ever sent an electronic communication, including but not limited to an email, text message or instant message, that could suggest a conflict of interest or be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the president-elect if it were made public, please describe.

So, assuming everyone guilty goes to the bottom of the pile, that leaves only Ted Stevens and John McCain to help Obama run the country.

Hannity: HEY! He can't even lift his arms to comb his hair! It's not his fault he can't use a computer!
Jetpacks: STFU, Sean.

Via 23/6.

Secret Service Agents for McCain

I don't know for a fact that ALL secret service agents vote the same way, but I suspect they would much rather deal with a McCain presidency than an Obama presidency. McCain's youngest kid is 16, whereas Obama's youngest kid is 7. That means some poor secret service agent is going to have to spend the next four years in elementary school. That job would suck.

The Content of His Character

Note: This post was prompted by an email forward from a guy I knew years ago who has just discovered the Internet and now blasts "hilarious" emails to everyone. It was another in a long series of emails that basically feature Obama as the fried chicken watermelon guy who's gonna rape your white women.


Happy Birthday to my Dad, pictured here in Vietnam in his way-too-cool shades, rifle across his lap and out the window of a Huey helicopter, as a brother fuels the chopper up. The two guys in that photo above are Americans.

I was raised on military installations, where your neighbors are whomever the government randomly decides, and your schoolmates are of every nationality this country has ever welcomed to its shores. The US military is a microcosm of that "great society" we strive to be, and my Dad taught me early that a man's worth is measured by the honor he brings to his job or how he acts when no one is watching, and little else. If a white, black, red, brown or yellow man can have a good attitude while shoveling shit, (or fueling a helicopter) then he's a guy worth knowing.

There's been a bunch of talk this election season about race, and I think a lot of it comes from people who've never lived among other races. You've got your white liberals from predominantly white areas who want to vote for Obama. But whites who live in mixed-race areas have countered, "That's because you don't know what it's like to live among blacks!" And there are the whites and blacks who will vote for Obama BECAUSE he's black.

For many blacks, voting for Obama is a matter of identity and pride. I understand that. Who wouldn't be proud of Obama's candidacy, given our history? But for many whites, voting for Obama becomes a matter of proving to themselves and their friends that they are open-minded and free-thinking. That's wrongheaded and ignorant. Your anti-racism actually becomes racism in a roundabout way. And among the white talking-head class, you may have noticed that blacks don't get credit for weighing the character of the candidates. It is assumed that they'd vote for Obama just as soon as they'd vote for Flavor Flav. It's assumed that blacks vote en masse, no matter what. (And we haven't even touched the Black-Brown or Yellow-Black animosities and voting patterns of America.)

I go back to what my Dad taught me. We should measure a man on how he approaches his shitty job. Does he have a good attitude while doing the lowliest of low-paying jobs, like community organizing? Or does he expect favor and special treatment because of who he is and where he comes from, like maybe the privileged son of an admiral who crashes planes on a regular basis?

I was one of a few whites who attended a mostly black church in the Midwest for about a year. I went to the pastor's house for Christmas dinner. From the pulpit the pastor invited all who didn't have a place to enjoy Christmas dinner to come to his house. As the only white guy at the pastor's family dinner, I was out of place. I was interrupting. Everyone accepted me and everyone was nice, but I was the sore thumb sticking out. I had forced myself into a situation that would've been much more comfortable without me there. My point is that we are naturally more comfortable among people who are like us, which is why we've had racial tension since the beginning of time. It's the way we're wired. It's natural. We gravitate toward people who look like us. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

But America is different. When they wrote, "All men are created equal," they pried open a giant can of worms we are still unprepared to deal with. We're getting better, but we still have our neighborhoods where it is better for us if we look like most of the people who live there. It will likely always be that way, but Americans are free to mingle, free to get to know each other, free to find out that what exists under the skin is the same in all peoples. We should take ourselves outside of our comfort zones as often as possible. We may retreat to our comfortable areas at day's end after working eight hours with people of all colors, but we are better people for those eight hours.

Until we force Americans of different races to live together, as the US military does, we must learn to understand each other while recognizing and celebrating our differences. You don't need to move to a white neighborhood in order to "understand" white people, but when you approach that white person at work as a person and not a white person, you're on your way. Measure him by how he approaches the shittiest of jobs. What's his character? What's his attitude? Can you see him as your friend? Can you see him not as white or black, but rather as dishonorable or honorable?

This election has been eye-opening in the way it has polarized America, and while I respect and encourage a healthy debate on the issues, I'm quite done with the dishonorable, racist bastards of my country who will veil their arguments against Obama in terms of communism, socialism and terrorism, (I'm talking to you, Irish, racist, dishonorable jackass Sean Hannity) but whose real and fundamental discomfort with the man is his color. You can disagree with his policies, you can disagree with his approach to governing, you can disagree with the people he has brushed shoulders with in the past, but as long as you forward emails that suggest Obama is some Watermelon-Eating, Tap-Dancing, Shoe-Shining Nigger Antichrist, well, it shows me you don't really understand America at all.

George Washington Knows How to Win Wars

Production values weren't much in 1789, but the message delivery was about the same as today. Paint the opposition as "soft on terror/crime/national defense" and you're halfway there.

Bill Green of Make the Logo Bigger and I have unearthed this rough-hewn gem from the George Washington campaign. It's a simple tale that unfolds like some flannelgraph Sunday School story, the basic theme of which is, "The Torries Won't Keep you Safe, My Friends."

Ashley Todd - Letter From Jail

Where's My Jetpack? has obtained an exclusive copy of a letter Ashley Todd wrote her fellow College Republicans.

Click for the Bigness

America's Got Talent

And it's hiding in tiny cubicles, creating bizarre and funny stuff like this. Thanks to David at Plaid for the find.

Joe The Plumber - The Real Story

Thank God for YouTube. Here's the full "confrontation" between Joe The Plumber and Barack Obama. Sean Hannity will never let you see this.



There goes your "socialist" argument, Right Wing Propagandists. For almost six minutes, Obama explains to Joe The Plumber the intricacies of his tax plan. It's long and boring, but it shows how insane this campaign has become, where the phrase "spread the wealth around" is lifted to prove that Obama is a Commie.

Gimme a fuckin' break.

Straight Talk, my ass, Johnny. You're a sad, little shadow of the imaginary character you used to pretend to be.

Sitcom or Cop Drama?

Neither! It's Reality TV!

Saw this banner at Technorati. It looks like a promo for a TV show. The serious stare of McCain. The smirk/point of Palin. The moonrise over starfield in the background. (Is that some sort of nod to Alaska and the Aurora Borealis?) And of course, the headline.He's a veteran lawmaker with an axe to grind.
She's a no-nonsense hockey mom suddenly in the big leagues.

I'm hearing some corny old western music as the theme.

We Will be United by Grilled Chicken

I voted early. And while I like the fact that a vote is a private matter, I'll let you in on what I did.

I guess you can say I am a Communist, Socialist, Terrorist-loving America-hater now. (UPDATE: Who wants to kill babies. Thanks, Jim.)

I called my parents tonight as I was grilling. My mom already voted also. She is now a Fascist, Racist War-mongerer. Dad hasn't voted yet. He's on the fence. Both Mom and I tried to dissuade him from going over to the Dark Side, whichever side that may be.

My parents taught me to love America and to take our gifts here seriously, as my grandparents taught them. We can have fun, irreverent and jabbing debates, reiterating the talking points of our favorite partisan news networks. And we're still going to be family on November 5th. And we will all respect the President, whomever he may be. At least that's how it works in theory.

You get the point. The vitriol, hyperbole and rhetoric is temporary. In the end, win or lose, we're still in a representative democracy where everyone has a voice. We're not turning Fascist, and we're not turning Socialist. Lighten the fuck up, everybody.

And my Dad was intrigued by what I was grilling. (He taught me to love a grill.) It was an experiment, but it turned out OK.

• Start with three boneless, skinless breast of chicken
• Soak chicken in one bottle teriyaki marinade and one can of crushed pineapple for about an hour
• Throw on the grill
• Flip after a while
  
• Throw some more of that marinade on them
• If it gets dark, cut them open and see if they're done
• Flip if not, close the grill, pour another glass of wine
• Take off grill

Serve with horseradish rice* and salad.


* That was another experiment.

Rush Hour Traffic Alert for Central Florida

A long time ago, when Obama was hurting in his bid against Senator Clinton, I made the unwise decision to send his campaign an email suggesting some strategic and tactical moves they might employ. Big mistake. Now I'm on a mailing list that brings me at least three emails a day, all very friendly and personalized and almost always concluding with, "And can we have $5?"

I've yet to send a single dollar and I'm sure I won't, but I remain on the list out of curiosity and as a student of politics and marketing. Last night I got an email from Big BO himself! Barry said, "Hi, Dave! I'm going to be in Orlando tomorrow! Hope you can come out! Event is at 6 pm, but try to get there at 3 pm."

He'll be at the Amway Arena of all places. Ugh. Amway.

RSVP to Barry: Uh, sorry. Can't make it. Something suddenly came up*. I'll be avoiding that crazy mad throng of worshipers, all throwing their babies on your altar in some sort of orgiastic satanic-socialist cult-of-personality ritual while you and your frothing band of America haters and welfare recipients try to besmirch the good name and solid reputation of Her Holiness, Sister Sarah of Alaska (and her running mate, that old guy she will replace as soon as he breathes his last come January). And I'm not interested in a "management opportunity" in your "new business" either, you multilevel marketing community organizer.

As a public service, I've created this traffic map for my fellow citizens, effective from now (2:45 pm) until tomorrow morning at 5:30 am.

• Red: Pack your dinner and plenty of water. Hope you have a Pringles can to pee in or you're wearing Space Diapers. You'll be stuck in this mess for hours to come. Resistance is futile. Might as well just accept his rule, since he rules your next 12 hours anyway.
  
• Orange: Have you ever seen so many Obama bumper stickers on one commute? To avoid confrontation, McCain supporters are urged to keep their eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel. Do not make eye contact with The Obama People.
  
• Yellow: As you curse the socialist mob and their antichrist messiah for ruining your evening, tune in to Sean Hannity for cathartic release. Violence is not an option and you will only end up in jail. Then again, if you're a true patriot in the Hannity tradition...well, I think Sean would understand if you were forced to show your love for your country by vandalizing Obama cars and screaming wildly at the occupants.

* Friends of Maureen know what I mean.

Call Me By My Ninja Name

Click for the big kick

Guest Blogger: Joe Sixpack

Hey, Wassup:

Hijacking this commie blog for a minute to give you the goods on Hero John McCain and your boy Barack Hussein Obama. (And I don't mean "boy" in the way you aren't allowed to call a black man "boy." I call everyone "Boy," so shut up.)

Everyone wants to talk about Joe Sixpack. Personally, that's an insult. If anything, I'm Joe Twelvepack or Joe Case, but whatever. I get it. It's this imaginary dude who works for a living at something tough like welding or construction and then he drinks after work. He works hard, loves his family and maybe hunts some. Likes to have fun. Ain't a racist, but don't force him into some damn busing program. Probably owns a gun or two. They used to call him Joe Lunchbucket, but the fast food industry kinda did away with the lunchbucket. We see a guy at work with a lunchbucket and we call him a fag. To his face. We're joking of course. Not supposed to be mean to fags anymore. I've never had a problem with lesbians, that's pretty cool, but fags, I don't want to talk about it.

So anyways, I'm that guy they're courting, and I'm here to break down the candidates and their drinking.

Up first, Barack Hussein Obama.Beer from a glass. Need I say more? The little guy he's drinking with understands how it's done, but Obama's some kind of elitist with his fancy glass. And I'll bet that's some gay beer from one of those "microbreweries" and it's full of orange peels and cinnamon and shit your wife puts in a bowl on the bathroom counter to make it smell pretty. Wonder where this little party is being held? Could it be Bill Ayers living room?

Next: Senator John McCain of Arizona, former POW and Maverick.

OK, I searched a long time for a picture of McCain holding a beer and I can't find one. But that's cool. He's sending that message to the kids that we need to drink responsibly. He's so responsible in his drinking, you can't even find a picture of him drinking! That is some major maverick shit right there. But I did find the next best thing. Here's McCain with Dale Jr., who raced for Budweiser, and Cindy McCain owns a Bud distributorship. And she's hot. Not as hot as Palin, but still, it shows what McCain is about. Hot chicks, free beer from your wife and racing. What's not to like in the guy?

Winner in a landslide: McCain!

By the way, if you're planning on voting in the election, think about this: who would you rather have a beer with? And if you say Obama, here's one more picture for you. This is your candidate at some kind of girly tea party and he's got a little baby girl glass of fancy fag beer and he's making a toast with these ladies to France or some other socialist bullshit place he wants to turn us into.

This race should've been over months ago.

Hey, Joe

Click for the bigness

Live Blogging The Debate

9:01 Bob tries to tell them not to stick to talking points. Good luck with that, Schieffmaster.
9:02 What could McCain be writing already? Furious note-writing out of the gate. Major Botox treatment this week also.
9:03 Oh! Beat Obama to the Nancy Reagan "thoughts and prayers" thing.
9:06 Blah blah blah already. Did I just commit to live blogging?
9:06 Obama agrees with McCain. Take a shot.
9:07 McCain has the balls to look "that one" in the eye and then brings up the plumber dude, Joe, recent hero of the right. Addressing Joe now, McCain will give Joe the moon and put the Communists out to pasture - if you will help me now.
9:09 Obama not getting it done for the Joes of the world. Responding in wonk-speak.
9:11 Mac says "spread the wealth" five times. Class warfare. Poor Joe.
9:12 Mac has a boner for Joe the Plumber.
9:12 Obama stumbling. On the ropes. Not addressing "spread the wealth." Sounding like a rookie in an earlier debate with Hillary.
9:13 McCain sees an opening, pouncing. Kicking Obama's ass on the Joe issue. Says "spread the wealth" one more time. He knows the base.
9:16 Obama is like some Constitutional Law professor from Chicago. What? Oh.
9:17 Drill Baby Drill. Wind Tide Solar zzzzzzz
9:17 I think McCain drank three Red Bulls backstage. Looking for a fight. He knows how to do a lot of things. I think he's going to have a heart attack by night's end. Obama smirking at the Arizona senator.
9:19 Here comes the Sleepy Senator from Illinois. Ehhh - I - Uhh....uhhh - errrr. Get to the point!
9:20 History lesson from the Professor. Obama is off his game.
9:21 McCain unveils a canned joke. "I'm not President Bush. Should've run four years ago." Mild chuckling from partisan hacks in audience.
9:22 No matter how this ends, I make this safe prediction: 95% of Fox News viewers say McCain won.
9:23 McCain makes goofy Botox face at Obama slamming Fox News. Obama again lifting up His Holiness, Saint John of Arizona.
9:24 McCain brings up his scars. Take a shot.
9:25 Schieffer wants to hear the dirt behind the dirt, but McCain blames the Commie for not doing the Town Hall Let's Fly Together in a Plane thing. McCain bringing up the John Lewis condemnation. McCain is "hurt."
9:27 Obama smiling in that "fuck you, old man" way. Obama says, "If you can't stand the heat, quit throwing gasoline on the fire." Slams the Town Hall lie. Brings it back to the issue of the economy.
9:30 McCain watched football on Sunday. Saw his Cardinals hand it to the bastard Cowboys. Pissed off that there were so many Obama ads. Brings up his new Crush, Joe the Plumber again. Demands an apology for the John Lewis condemnation.
9:31 Obama takes McCain to the matt and tells him to suck it hard on the Lewis thing.
9:32 McCain breathing hard into the mic, trying to interrupt. Getting outwitted.
9:33 John getting his word in. Obama in the split screen practicing his "fuck you" glare. McCain brings up the "Sarah is a Cunt" t-shirts. Hey, John! It's what you called your wife! Where do you think they got the idea for the shirts?
9:35 Palling around with terrorists. Finally bringing up the ACORN talking point, McCain is hitting his stride.
9:36 "When I was eight years old" is Obama's standard defense. Here comes the Annenberg storyline. Watch, out Johnny! It's a trick. Obama takes out Ayers with a flip of his wrist. Now to ACORN. "Motor voter. DMV. Facts out. Associations." I'm getting tired of this shit.
9:39 McCain not letting go of Ayers and ACORN. Brings up his Hannity line, "Launched your campaign in his living room." He is bent on the Rove-Hannity line, now bringing it absurdly back to "helping you" as he wraps up his attack.
9:41 If Obama says that Biden rode the train home every day, finish the bottle. Energy indpendence? How did you get there from here?
9:42 McCain selling Palin. Arrg. He knows it's not his campaign anymore. It's hers. Calls her "A Bresh of Freath Air." She's his "partner." Careful, Johnny. Cindy is a wildcat. Oh crap. He did it. The "special needs" card is played! And Todd is a tough guy too. Dontcha know.
9:45 McCain says Biden has "cockimamey ideas." I don't know how to spell "cockimamey." If you use that word, you should find a synonym.
9:46 McCain getting exasperated with the Commie Moderator Schieffer. Cutting him off, breathing very heavily into his mic again. MSM plant!
9:48 Wind Tide Solar Natural Gas. McCain's got this talking point down cold.
9:48 Obama doing his Kennedy thing. "Ten Years" we can get off foreign oil. Do a shot if he brings up Kennedy and the Space Race.
9:49 Solar Wind BioDiesel. (That was Obama.)
9:50 Can I refill my wineglass? C'mon, Bob! Commercial break yet?
9:51 Oh! McCain says "Nice speech, slickboy, but we see through your hustle."
9:52 McCain is holding his own. Has likely pulled his poll-numbers up by 5 tonight. The race will go on.
9:53 As usual, Obama is measured, smart and informed, while McCain again breathes heavily into the mic. Sadly, this will register as a loss for Obama. He's not hotheaded. McCain is on fire in a desperate way, and that's what red-state America likes.
9:55 McCain just linked Obama to Chavez. This is red-meat mayhem.
9:57 Obama selling his health care plan. Gonna cut my premiums by $2500 a year, he says. If not, I get a Senate health care plan, like he and John enjoy.
9:58 Schieffer! I need a refill! Commercial?
9:59 McCain giving his health care plan. Kids are fat, gotta get fit. Oh, crap! Joe the Fucking Plumber again! Fox News struck gold with the Joe the Fucking Plumber. Joe should sue for misuse of his name and image.
10:00 Obama now addressing Joe the Plumber. This dude is the talk of the nation, sitting in his modest home in Ohio, wondering how the hell his life became a national issue. Calling his brother-in-law now, who knows a guy who represents some jugglers, models and commercial actors.
10:03 McCain just said "Hey, Joe!" This has become Joe's debate. I think I hear Obama laughing under his breath into his mic.
10:04 McCain tries again with the failed hair-plug joke from the last debate.
10:05 Joe the Plumber, you should be the President.
10:06 Split screen. It's obvious from this view. Obama kicks ass. Cool. McCain just a sad old asshole. But we don't vote on such superficial matters in this country. Back to the debate.
10:07 Supreme Court Nominees. McCain will find people who adhere to the Constitution when selecting judges. Won't overlook abortion lovers.
10:08 Obama will also consider abortion haters when looking for judges.
10:09 Obama taking it a step further, appealing now directly to his liberal base in secret intellectual code. Lost most of America on that one, including McCain, everyone regarding it as "silly egghead talk."
10:12 McCain is about to take it deep. Gonna call Obama a child killer.
10:13 Trying to nuance his way around his Illinois Senate vote regarding "life-saving treatment" for babies who survive abortion. It's such a long explanation, that right or wrong, it sounds wrong. McCain breathing hard again.
10:14 Obama says, "Sexuality is sacred." Points from the faithful. Muslims and Jews included.
10:15 McCain tires to repeat the lie that his illegitimate black child is actually adopted. JK! (HAHA! Funny Bush joke... Sorry.)
10:16 Schieffer! Need a wine refill!
10:17 "Army of New Teachers," says Obama. COMMIE! MARXIST!
10:19 Obama doing the Bill Cosby thing. "Turn off the TV, put away the video games. It's up to the parents."
10:20 McCain says, "We find bad teachers another line of work." Huh?
10:21 All in all, Schieffer kicking Ifill's and Broakaw's asses. For all of his softball wimpiness on Sunday mornings, he's pretty strong tonight. At least he's strong by his own soft standards.
10:22 Obama AGAIN agrees with McCain. Shot. But he does this as part of his "measured" thing. "I'm not a hothead. I'm cool." It costs him in the short run, like tomorrow's polls, but in the end, it sinks in with the voters. Obama will pay a price of 5 to 6 points by week's end, buoyed by pundits and spinners tonight and tomorrow.
10:24 Autism is now McCain's pet project, because he loves Sarah. And Sarah's boy. And Todd. First dude, doncha know.
10:26 Closing statements.
10:27 McCain: New Direction. Reform. He has a Record. Looking uncommonly "connected" with the camera. Digs on "trust." "A long line of McCains" almost sounds defeated. Sorry Dad. Sorry, Grandpa.
10:29 Obama: "Failed Failed Failed. McCain = Bush. Eight Years." Investing = Taxcuts? Dude, I'm no economist, but that makes no sense. Still stumbling in his closing remarks.
10:30 Verdict: McCain lives to fight another day.

Barry and Mr. McCain

Do you ever wonder what might've happened to Obama or McCain had they not had the chances and opportunities they've had in life? Yeah, me too. What if they were just regular blue collar guys? I think they'd be like this.

The Spin is at Critical Mass

And I'll just leave it at that. We can let this cartoon do the talking. It's called , "CAPT John Sidney McCain III, USN (Ret.) Meets with his Troops."

Never let it be said again that John McCain doesn't know how to win a war.

Click for the super size

If you aren't disgusted with that has happened in the last couple of days courtesy of Rove, Limbaugh, Medved, Fox News, Hannity and McCain's other assorted students of Goebbels, you should maybe find a time machine and go live in another era.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon

The Ace They'd Been Holding

Never known for balanced political reporting, Rolling Stone magazine, obviously working in close collaboration with the Obama campaign, has just released a cover story on John McCain. It's a scathing (and fact-filled) piece, exposing the "maverick" story for what it is- carefully crafted fiction. We've all suspected his bio to be a bunch of BS, but no one was allowed to question the bogus narrative lest they face charges of being "unpatriotic" as they "dared to besmirch the suffering and heroism of Senator McCain."

Other patriotic people have been saying it for a long time, but their fringe status prevented the story from getting any mainstream play.

I would bet that the publication was holding this story, not willing to be charged with releasing an attack piece and playing favorites, but now that the Hounds of the Right have been loosed to repeat the Ayers story every ten minutes, Obama's people likely said, "Go."

Live by the mud, die by the mud.

Friend of Terrorists, Baby Killer, Wants to Give Your House to an Undeserving Black Family

As the ship starts to sink, the old Navy veteran is not going to go down easily. It starts tonight on "Hannity's America," a show that is told what to broadcast by Karl Rove, and it will get louder through November 4th, when the last gurgles are heard from this laughably unprofessional and shamelessly dishonorable campaign.

Click it and print it, post it in your yard and wait for it to get stolen

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon

7-11 Coffee Drinkers a Bunch of Radical Liberals Who Want to Raise Your Taxes

I received a note from Margaret Chabris of 7-Eleven's Marketing/PR department last night. They got the site up and it's pretty nice. Based on yesterday's sales of McCain and Obama coffee cups, it's Obama in a landslide.


Results are cumulative and hovering over state will give you that state's breakdown.That's pretty impressive when you think about it. You buy a cup of coffee and based on the UPC, your data is recorded and sent to this site within a day. But it won't be long before we hear charges of voter fraud and rigged machines.

Like everyone else in the country except Fox News, I'm pretty sure 7-Eleven is "in the tank" for Obama. McCain can't even get his message through the coffee filter.

Coffee with the Candidates

If I am jacked up today on caffeine, I blame 7-11 for providing their Obama and McCain cups only in the large size.

7-Eleven is again conducting their presidential poll via coffee cups. They call it "7-Election." Choose McCain or Obama cups and the UPC scan records your choice. Says 7-Eleven President and CEO Joe DePinto, “7-Election provides an interesting daily snapshot of the election.”

Clever idea, except they do not provide a daily snapshot of the election. The cups are in the stores and I'm drinking from one now, but nowhere on 7-Eleven's site is this mentioned, and the website "7-Election" is "coming soon." I blame IT, as they are usually prima donna punks acting all swamped and put-upon and "no one appreciates us."

A long and silly press release is here, including where DePinto calls us "citizen-customers."