Friday, October 17, 2008

Guest Blogger: Joe Sixpack

Hey, Wassup:

Hijacking this commie blog for a minute to give you the goods on Hero John McCain and your boy Barack Hussein Obama. (And I don't mean "boy" in the way you aren't allowed to call a black man "boy." I call everyone "Boy," so shut up.)

Everyone wants to talk about Joe Sixpack. Personally, that's an insult. If anything, I'm Joe Twelvepack or Joe Case, but whatever. I get it. It's this imaginary dude who works for a living at something tough like welding or construction and then he drinks after work. He works hard, loves his family and maybe hunts some. Likes to have fun. Ain't a racist, but don't force him into some damn busing program. Probably owns a gun or two. They used to call him Joe Lunchbucket, but the fast food industry kinda did away with the lunchbucket. We see a guy at work with a lunchbucket and we call him a fag. To his face. We're joking of course. Not supposed to be mean to fags anymore. I've never had a problem with lesbians, that's pretty cool, but fags, I don't want to talk about it.

So anyways, I'm that guy they're courting, and I'm here to break down the candidates and their drinking.

Up first, Barack Hussein Obama.Beer from a glass. Need I say more? The little guy he's drinking with understands how it's done, but Obama's some kind of elitist with his fancy glass. And I'll bet that's some gay beer from one of those "microbreweries" and it's full of orange peels and cinnamon and shit your wife puts in a bowl on the bathroom counter to make it smell pretty. Wonder where this little party is being held? Could it be Bill Ayers living room?

Next: Senator John McCain of Arizona, former POW and Maverick.

OK, I searched a long time for a picture of McCain holding a beer and I can't find one. But that's cool. He's sending that message to the kids that we need to drink responsibly. He's so responsible in his drinking, you can't even find a picture of him drinking! That is some major maverick shit right there. But I did find the next best thing. Here's McCain with Dale Jr., who raced for Budweiser, and Cindy McCain owns a Bud distributorship. And she's hot. Not as hot as Palin, but still, it shows what McCain is about. Hot chicks, free beer from your wife and racing. What's not to like in the guy?

Winner in a landslide: McCain!

By the way, if you're planning on voting in the election, think about this: who would you rather have a beer with? And if you say Obama, here's one more picture for you. This is your candidate at some kind of girly tea party and he's got a little baby girl glass of fancy fag beer and he's making a toast with these ladies to France or some other socialist bullshit place he wants to turn us into.

This race should've been over months ago.

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  • Psychiatrists define maverick (see wikipedia) as schizophrenic, self centered, unwilling to belong, like Nixon, GIuliani, Dole. Avenge Abramoff.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at October 17, 2008 at 7:29 PM  

  • Hey Joe! I have a minor leak in the pump connecting pipe in my courtyard pond. Are you available to take a look at it? If not could you recommend a good plumber in Australia. That's Australia Joe, not the country next to Germany.

    By Blogger Stan Lee, at October 18, 2008 at 2:56 AM  

  • Top three names for Fag beers:

    3. BP's (label has a pirate with a butt flag sailing high)

    2. Barracks (referring to military bunk beds and the nights of pleasant refreshment we can all enjoy).

    and the #1

    1. Reach Around. if you want relief from a long hard day, just Reach Around.


    By Blogger Joker, at October 21, 2008 at 4:19 PM  

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