What Business Is It of Yours?

I'm a little surprised by what has become a routine outcry among my friends in the design community. It's like every time a company comes out with a redesigned logo, they have to do it gingerly, carefully, calculatedly and nearly scared, knowing that a huge storm of criticism is about to be unleashed. Starbucks' CEO has to release a minute and a half video explaining the evolution of its iconic "siren" logo? Of course it didn't change the fact that designers the world over are up in arms. And I don't doubt for a second that Starbucks knew it was coming and welcome it. "This buzz is going to be great for us," someone said in Seattle.

Did The Gap suffer slumping sales after the online backlash that compelled them to drop their logo change? Did the people making all the noise even shop at The Gap? Gap showed extreme spinelessness during that uproar. I hope Starbucks doesn't yield.

If I had a company, I would change the logo overnight, without fanfare and without pandering. Not so much as a press release. Just send the sign crews out and get it done on the storefronts and swap out the in-store stuff as the old stuff runs out. Without focus-grouping and without crowd-sourcing. Starbucks is Starbucks. Your average Starbucks consumer might someday look at the cup and go, "Hmmm - they changed the cup a little," and then never give it a second thought.

(Click for bigger)

But we live in Insta-World^TM, in this consumer-driven, conversation-intense environment where the slightest misstep, or perceived misstep, is amplified and bounced around the world in seconds, where everyone's an expert and a company is nearly paralyzed with fear to make any move. And if they get criticized, they must hurry to the defense and engage a team of brand reputation management specialists to reply to negative tweets or blog posts or Facebook updates. Hurry! Scrub the wires for any negative mention that might hurt us.

You know what, big brands? They're just a bunch of noisemakers trying to make noise. For every whining baby out there making a stink about your products or service, there are likely a thousand loyal and satisfied customers you will never hear from. You go ahead and do what you can to alleviate legitimate gripes and resolve obvious issues. That's just smart business and wise customer service. Businesses were doing that long before social media came into relevance.

Brand loyalty is a wonderful thing. I'm not a Starbucks guy, but I know plenty of people in love with the stuff. They're not going anywhere. But if they want to chime in and tell you what to have as your company icon? That's when you tell them they might be happier with a cup of coffee from 7-Eleven.

Hot Liquid Hope

For those of us old enough to remember when coffee was just coffee, before Starbucks and other gourmet outlets turned it into an expensive, sugar-laden delicacy, there were two undisputed leaders in the quick java jolt: Dunkin' Donuts and McDonald's. They simply tasted the best. McDonald's coffee was always way too hot, but there was no confusing its fine taste with your average 7-11 cup. And Dunkin's was even better. (Recently I stopped at a turnpike rest stop and had the most unsatisfying cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee I've ever set my lips to. It had apparently been sitting on the burner for a week and seriously damaged my view of Dunkin'.)

I attempted to quit all my addictions at once on Monday. It was a bad day. I made it until this morning, when I made myself a small cup of coffee. The difference in outlook was amazing. I went from "Life sucks and I want to go back to bed," to "I'm going to sell Dunkin' Donuts a new tagline and find a job!" It's a powerful drug. And it's legal!

So, here ya go, Dunkin'. (And Dunkin's agency.) You may use this so long as you give me a job. Same goes for any other coffee purveyor who wants to steal this. And it won't be hard to prove it's mine.

Maybe you tie it into a campaign whereby you offer a free cup to anyone who can prove they're on the hunt for work? (Yeah, that'd be cool; all sorts of derelicts and riff-raf standing in line at Dunkin'.) That way you turn yourself into the friend of the average Joe (HA! Joe! Get it? Nevermind.) who has been affected in these trying times.

Point of Sale Fail

Yeah, 'cause 4-year-old girls are always dressing up like women and trying to buy cigarettes and beer at 7-Eleven. I'm sure they were going for "cute" here, but creepy is more the vibe.

7-11 Coffee Drinkers a Bunch of Radical Liberals Who Want to Raise Your Taxes

I received a note from Margaret Chabris of 7-Eleven's Marketing/PR department last night. They got the site up and it's pretty nice. Based on yesterday's sales of McCain and Obama coffee cups, it's Obama in a landslide.


Results are cumulative and hovering over state will give you that state's breakdown.That's pretty impressive when you think about it. You buy a cup of coffee and based on the UPC, your data is recorded and sent to this site within a day. But it won't be long before we hear charges of voter fraud and rigged machines.

Like everyone else in the country except Fox News, I'm pretty sure 7-Eleven is "in the tank" for Obama. McCain can't even get his message through the coffee filter.

Coffee with the Candidates

If I am jacked up today on caffeine, I blame 7-11 for providing their Obama and McCain cups only in the large size.

7-Eleven is again conducting their presidential poll via coffee cups. They call it "7-Election." Choose McCain or Obama cups and the UPC scan records your choice. Says 7-Eleven President and CEO Joe DePinto, “7-Election provides an interesting daily snapshot of the election.”

Clever idea, except they do not provide a daily snapshot of the election. The cups are in the stores and I'm drinking from one now, but nowhere on 7-Eleven's site is this mentioned, and the website "7-Election" is "coming soon." I blame IT, as they are usually prima donna punks acting all swamped and put-upon and "no one appreciates us."

A long and silly press release is here, including where DePinto calls us "citizen-customers."

A View of Advertising - From The Other Side

My local 7-11’s cast of clerk characters is pretty consistent. Not a lot of turnover at this store. One of the best is Babu, a man probably in his late 50s who is as sarcastic a person as I have ever met, so naturally I think he's great. I sometimes think the character of Apu on The Simpsons was based on Babu.

If someone buys a lottery ticket, Babu berates them with a smile, telling them the lottery is all a scam and if you don’t live in Miami you simply can’t win. If a red-eyed landscaper is buying a single blunt, a Big Gulp and a stack of junk food, he will mutter “Don’t you think you’ve smoked enough pot today?”

And this conversation took place yesterday.

Babu: So, where do you work, Dave?
Me: Down at [international megacorp’s identity redacted].
Babu: What do you do for them?
Me: I’m a writer.
Babu: What do you write?
Me: Advertising, mainly.
Babu: So, like publicity. And everything is a wonderful story!
Me: Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.
Babu: (laughing) So, I see. You are a hypocrite! And a liar!
Me: Thanks, Babu. I’m going to go kill myself now.

Olympics? We Have Other Games to Prepare For

John Madden, the former Oakland Raiders coach, sufferer of aerophobia, free agent for EA Sports, sometime pitchman for Verizon Wireless, Rent-A-Center, Miller Lite, Sirius Satellite Radio and Tinactin (and popular radio and television sports announcer), in association with the Southland Corporation, (dba 7-11), in association with Brett Favre, the Wrangler-endorsing former subsidiary of the Green Bay Packers, Inc. and now the property of the New York Jets, (a wholly owned property of Johnson & Johnson), in cooperation with the National Football League with assistance from PepsiCo, proudly announce the "Sack Madden Meal" at 7-11, which comes with a playable DVD demo of the popular Madden NFL game, updated with alarming regularity, by EA Sports.
EA Sports has quickly updated their website to include this image, reflecting yesterday’s sale of Favre to Johnson & Johnson. 7-11 is stuck with these old Favre in-store displays announcing the Madden/EA/7-11/Packers/Pepsi/NFL meal. But if Madden is endorsing a meal, you can bet it will fill your gut—and then some.

And I have two words for any Jets fans that think Favre might help their team: Joe Montana.

Caffeine Nation

Starbucks has been getting pressure in recent years from the likes of Dunkin' Donuts, who mock the elitist coffee culture that is the Seattle-based chain, and even by McDonald's, who will now add the cream for you if you want, and offer their own sweet and fatty iced caffeine beverage. McD's takes an even more direct stab at Starbucks with their website promoting McCafes in Starbucks' home turf of Western Washington, Unsnobbycoffee. And I don't know how many noticed, but in the recent Will Ferrell comedy Blades of Glory, 7-11 had a coffee product placement in one scene.

So Starbucks is now trying to lure the regular coffee people over to one of their ubiquitous stores, those of us who don't speak Starbucks and still prefer to define cup sizes in terms of small, medium and large. They're doing it by offering, of all things, REGULAR COFFEE. (Example ad below.)

Ain't gonna work. As a regular coffee drinker, (maybe a dash of half and half, or if we're out of that, a splash of milk) when I'm not at home near my trusty Senseo coffeemaker and want a coffee, I will sooner drive through a McDonald's or pull into a 7-11 before I will darken the door of the Church of Starbucks. Starbucks devotees are cult-like, and a visit to a Starbucks by a regular coffee drinker is at the least an uncomfortable experience, usually leaving the regular coffee drinker feeling as though they've caved, fallen victim to the hype, and paid way too much for something that is worth about 50 cents.

This is Post No. 711 - And I Don't Believe in Coincidence

Redeemed Almost

From the album Telegraph Canyon

What if it’s all just coincidence
as we grasp for some significance?
Just a tumbling of the dice
The sum or the difference

Have you seen any signs?
You seen any signs?

Well, like snow in El Paso
on a Christmas Day
or the way that you go
when you know you should stay

I feel redeemed
almost

I feel redeemed
almost

Or maybe it’s all just an accident
Just some existential happenstance
Just a rolling of the bones
Just chance and circumstance

Have you seen any signs?
You seen any signs?

How about the kiss that stopped time?
Or the eyes that glow?
Or the way that you stay
when you know you should go

I feel redeemed
almost

I feel redeemed
almost

©2008 Radio Free Babylon™

Click it. Go on.

Orlando Weekly Loves You Long Time

Local law enforcement recently came down on the Orlando Weekly for knowingly selling ad space to prostitutes. Seems a few AEs were fully aware of what sorts of businesses they were placing ads for, and even coached the ladies on what could and could not be said in the form of ad copy. ("I don't know if the phrase 'Happy Ending' is how we wanna go with this one, uh...you said your name was Candy?")

The Orlando Weekly is just like any other metropolitan free paper that has the word "weekly" after the city name. It's full of underground music reviews, bar reviews, left-wing politics and ads for concerts, bars, gay chat lines and massage parlors. I grabbed a copy this morning at 7-11.

Looks like the AEs are still soliciting the same clients, perhaps with revised copy now.

Click for a better view of the ads

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Gator and Turtle say "Yes!"

Not exactly the lion laying down with the lamb, but worth grabbing the camera for as I nurse my 24 oz coffee from 7-11 this morning.

The Most Effective Logo on Earth

At least today. It's kind of hot out this afternoon and this logo is really tempting me to go to 7-11 right now and guzzle an ice cold coke. (In a glass bottle.)

This logo has for years and years made people's mouths water. It's the icy cold water droplets. It's the remembrance of that fresh taste. It's the familiarity of the type.

But it's Friday. I dont feel like going anywhere right now. Settling for a giant can of Foster's. Really cold.

Operation Enduring Employment

Inside the War Room of 7-Eleven, Inc. (Dallas) the emergency session went something like this:

"Recruitment is down, people! Our clerks are dropping like flies! We need a new strategy."

"OK. The Army just got rid of their 'Army of One' campaign and went with 'Army Strong' right? So why don't we just combine both of those and use it for OUR recruitment campaign?"

"Excellent plan! I think we're done here."


(As seen on the door of my local 7-Eleven on a coffee run this morning.)