Are you Ready for Some... Man, I Don't Like that Hank Jr. Guy

But I'm sure he'll be back in a week, kicking off Monday Night Football in all his Super-American glory. Found on the side of the road was this Minnesota Vikings car flag. Now, if I'm a Minnesota fan, this would give me pause. Help me, Vikings lovers, by participating in my very scientific poll embedded after the picture.

Brett Favre Wears Purple

Bigger is Better

He's a fickle, arrogant prima donna, but he's just as amazing to watch play at 40 as when he was supposedly in his "prime." It's looking like coming back from retirement (twice) wasn't such a bad idea. During the post-game interview, in which the nasty reporter tried to get a scoop by begging him to badmouth his former team, he played it cool, giving the standard-jock "110% team effort" spiel. The guy is a player, and if you like football, you have to like Favre.

There is No Escaping Dan Marino

Especially not in South Florida, where his near misses at bringing Miami a championship are still rewarded with all kinds of spokesman deals, including the amusing juxtaposition of Hooter's and Viagra. He does car dealerships, jewelry stores, and to get to Dolphin Stadium, you will likely have to travel on Dan Marino Boulevard. Of course he's also one of a few national spokesmen for some weight loss meal deal and you can't avoid him on the weekends if you watch football. I don't know, he's always struck me as kind of...dickish.

Brett Favre, pay attention. Marino has paved the way for retired QBs who can't leave the spotlight. When you finally realize (again) in Minnesota that the glory is gone, you can still bask in the afterglow for decades to come, if you so choose. But maybe you'll be different. An equally talented QB who goes by the name of Dan who also doesn't have a Super Bowl ring (and who keeps a much lower profile) is Dan Fouts. (Not that he hasn't tried to boost that profile, apparently.)

Here in Orlando, all three Florida teams compete for our loyalty. We've got no team, so we get to be fairweather fans. We are encouraged to drive to Tampa to see the Bucs. Jacksonville is not so far away either and the Jags would love our money. And now I'm seeing Dolphins billboards on my way to work, encouraging me to drive down to Dolphin Stadium to watch the fish play.

What's that? It's now Land Shark Stadium? Oh, God. No.

Oh, well. All the more reason to go with one of the team's original name ideas, The Sharks.

Miami Sharks. Think about that rebranding opportunity, Miami. That name kicks the shit out of Jaguars and Buccaneers any day. You could get the uncommitted and coveted I4 Corridor football fan with a brand like that. We've got a trio of shitty teams to choose from. Make us want it.

Dana + Real Estate Advertising = Funny

I've done my share of bashing real estate advertising, but Dana Severson, a freelance copywriter from Minneapolis, (also soon to be home of the guy who can't say no and will go down remembered as a total douche instead of a Super Bowl winner. Yes, I'm talking about Deanna Favre's husband, the Wrangler wearing douche.) What was I saying? Oh, yeah - Dana has taken bashing real estate advertising to a new place with his site The Real "Ad" Tor Awards. That's a mouthful of a name, but it's a niche that Dana clearly owns.

I see a coffee table book in Dana's future. And lawsuits from those featured in it.

UPDATE: This just in from Dana Severson:

I'm not the freelance copywriter Dana Severson from Minnesota. I do know him though. I'm the advertising director Dana Severson from Minnesota. He and I compete for Google rankings. Regardless, I appreciate the plug.

So, now I see how things work up there in Minnesota. And we make fun of Arkansas and West Virginia for being inbred.

Olympics? We Have Other Games to Prepare For

John Madden, the former Oakland Raiders coach, sufferer of aerophobia, free agent for EA Sports, sometime pitchman for Verizon Wireless, Rent-A-Center, Miller Lite, Sirius Satellite Radio and Tinactin (and popular radio and television sports announcer), in association with the Southland Corporation, (dba 7-11), in association with Brett Favre, the Wrangler-endorsing former subsidiary of the Green Bay Packers, Inc. and now the property of the New York Jets, (a wholly owned property of Johnson & Johnson), in cooperation with the National Football League with assistance from PepsiCo, proudly announce the "Sack Madden Meal" at 7-11, which comes with a playable DVD demo of the popular Madden NFL game, updated with alarming regularity, by EA Sports.
EA Sports has quickly updated their website to include this image, reflecting yesterday’s sale of Favre to Johnson & Johnson. 7-11 is stuck with these old Favre in-store displays announcing the Madden/EA/7-11/Packers/Pepsi/NFL meal. But if Madden is endorsing a meal, you can bet it will fill your gut—and then some.

And I have two words for any Jets fans that think Favre might help their team: Joe Montana.

Superstitious Sports Stats

The guys in the booth announcing college and pro football games (maybe it's baseball too, but I don't watch) are getting really weird with their obscure "what if" and "did you know" scenarios.

• "Brett Favre is 21 and 4 in home games after losing a previous game that fell on one of his relatives birthdays."
• "The Gators are 12 and 2 against Georgia when the Gators have had a bye week prior to the classic match-up, provided the temperature was above 72 degrees."
• "LaDainian Tomlinson averages 4.5 yards per carry in games that follow an evening of mild passion. With the way he's running today, Bill, it looks like he may have been involved in an orgy last night. Heh, heh."