There is No Escaping Dan Marino

Especially not in South Florida, where his near misses at bringing Miami a championship are still rewarded with all kinds of spokesman deals, including the amusing juxtaposition of Hooter's and Viagra. He does car dealerships, jewelry stores, and to get to Dolphin Stadium, you will likely have to travel on Dan Marino Boulevard. Of course he's also one of a few national spokesmen for some weight loss meal deal and you can't avoid him on the weekends if you watch football. I don't know, he's always struck me as kind of...dickish.

Brett Favre, pay attention. Marino has paved the way for retired QBs who can't leave the spotlight. When you finally realize (again) in Minnesota that the glory is gone, you can still bask in the afterglow for decades to come, if you so choose. But maybe you'll be different. An equally talented QB who goes by the name of Dan who also doesn't have a Super Bowl ring (and who keeps a much lower profile) is Dan Fouts. (Not that he hasn't tried to boost that profile, apparently.)

Here in Orlando, all three Florida teams compete for our loyalty. We've got no team, so we get to be fairweather fans. We are encouraged to drive to Tampa to see the Bucs. Jacksonville is not so far away either and the Jags would love our money. And now I'm seeing Dolphins billboards on my way to work, encouraging me to drive down to Dolphin Stadium to watch the fish play.

What's that? It's now Land Shark Stadium? Oh, God. No.

Oh, well. All the more reason to go with one of the team's original name ideas, The Sharks.

Miami Sharks. Think about that rebranding opportunity, Miami. That name kicks the shit out of Jaguars and Buccaneers any day. You could get the uncommitted and coveted I4 Corridor football fan with a brand like that. We've got a trio of shitty teams to choose from. Make us want it.