Dana + Real Estate Advertising = Funny

I've done my share of bashing real estate advertising, but Dana Severson, a freelance copywriter from Minneapolis, (also soon to be home of the guy who can't say no and will go down remembered as a total douche instead of a Super Bowl winner. Yes, I'm talking about Deanna Favre's husband, the Wrangler wearing douche.) What was I saying? Oh, yeah - Dana has taken bashing real estate advertising to a new place with his site The Real "Ad" Tor Awards. That's a mouthful of a name, but it's a niche that Dana clearly owns.

I see a coffee table book in Dana's future. And lawsuits from those featured in it.

UPDATE: This just in from Dana Severson:

I'm not the freelance copywriter Dana Severson from Minnesota. I do know him though. I'm the advertising director Dana Severson from Minnesota. He and I compete for Google rankings. Regardless, I appreciate the plug.

So, now I see how things work up there in Minnesota. And we make fun of Arkansas and West Virginia for being inbred.

The Recession is All in Your Head

Nothing is more unattractive than a nation of whiners. The so-called "housing crisis" is just a bunch of people not thinking positively. You need a house? Think positively! There's something out there for you! Behind on your mortgage? Think positively!

I thought I'd get some practice writing real estate copy, one of the most imaginative forms of sales copy written by some of the most positive, sweet-smelling and well-groomed people in sales.

Her Loss is Your Gain

Why pay rent when you can own?

This charming bungalow close to buses, hospital, and shopping, is an ideal starter home, previously used as a distribution center. Current owner is on a state-paid vacation for a few years and his wife needs to sell this place FAST. Needs a little TLC. We will entertain all offers, including trades.

Virginia Gentleman

Now’s your chance to live the Esquire Lifestyle. Enjoy fine European craftsmanship in a New World setting.

This magnificent home sits majestically on rolling acres in the Virginia countryside. The previous owner had many farmhands and thus extra living quarters were built in the back. (There’s even a king-sized bed in the barn!) You’ll love entertaining in the parlor and the rotunda is a splendid feature as unique today as it was when it was built in the 1700s. This home has been completely remodeled and even has velvet ropes at the doorways to some rooms. Handsome collectible medallion with an image of your home and its original owner is in circulation nationwide.

Fully Functional Shelter

Everything you need to keep the rain off your head and the cold wind out of your bones. It may be just a roof and four walls, but it beats sleeping in your car! No air, no heat, just a fireplace and some windows, one in front and one in back. Fireplace doubles as a kitchen.

Call today for your private showing.

Gated Extravagance and Extras Galore

It’s time to reach for the brass ring.

This beautiful community north of Orlando is ideally suited to families, retirees, singles, and others with a sense for the finer things in life. The attention to uniformity is fantastic, with each home distinctly like the next one. Every lawn is perfect and the streets are free of dangers. You’ll love calling this fine gated-community home. The gates are not that high, though, and in the event of any sort of catastrophe that might involve the lower classes looting shops and mansions for finer things, they’ll be coming for you. You may want to enroll in the community’s gun safety program, available at the Clubhouse.

World's Most Staged Real Estate Photo

There's a remarkable new community arising in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. Where you can choose the way you live, shop and play! Explore our site to learn more about this fantastic community.

While they were careful to include "little girl in wheelchair," I'm having a hard time locating any other minorities they might've crammed into this image that was designed to convey, "Thriving community of activity, with open green spaces and people of all ages."

Oh wait, is that "middle-aged lesbian couple walking dogs?"

Half Off! Super Bargain Basement Price!

This one won't last! 13 bedrooms, 10 full baths, 12 fireplaces! Lighted tennis court, pool with pool house, stables, movie theatre and so much more.

Located on 6 beautifully manicured acres in the highly sought-after community of McLean, Virginia, this stunning colonial, perfect for entertaining, was originally offered at $25 million in 2003. The housing market’s downturn is your good fortune, as the price is now reduced to just $12.5 million. Take a tour now!

Disclaimer: Previous two owners were assassinated.

The recent media giant group mutiple orgasm over Ted Kennedy’s endorsement, crowning and genuflecting before Jesus Obama is what led me to stumble upon this as I was taking a quick refresher course in Kennedology.

Easy.Simple.Cheap.Done.

Who needs a copywriter when you have a style guide?

The market research suggested a list of words that potential buyers responded to positively. So the creators of this two-page ad simply strung a few of them together and called it finished. And. They. Did. It. With. Periods.

I have to deal with these stupid lists of words all the time. They're frustrating because it's as if a group of very devious scientists have picked the brains of the target market and now they're telling you how to write. When the research is so refined as to tell you exactly what to write, you cease becoming a copywriter and are now a copy and paster. At least that's how I feel when I have to deal with these lists. But I've always believed that the idea is to incorporate the words into your copy. Subtly. Not piled on top of each other. Any monkey can assemble your ad or collateral piece for you when you already have the words chosen and a pre-assembled collection of art the target responds to as well.

So maybe, just maybe, (and this would be awesome) this is a copywriter's way of telling the style guide compilers to kiss his/her ass. "You already know the words that make people buy? Great. Here you go."

Scanned from the October 14th edition of The New York Times Magazine.

Locals Only - Part IV

Since 1969, Weichert Realtors has been perfecting a smarter approach to real estate focused on the needs, concerns, hopes and dreams of our customers.

And this is a picture of our corporate office. Or maybe it's a picture we got from a stock photography house in Hungary, but it clearly shows you our incredible diversity. Yes, the bossman is still a middle-aged white guy, but look at his team! It's a veritable United Nations of Diverse Real Estate Talent!

Weichert has 500 company-owned and franchised sales offices in key markets throughout the U.S.

It's those franchised sales offices I'm worried about. I'm fearing corporate isn't watching their local ads very carefully.

Found this today in one of those thrown-on-the-driveway printed on pink, yellow or blue paper local ad rags that gets walked straight into the garage and tossed in the bin.

The man is chained to a house. He is apparently dragging it. His head is giant. He looks horrified. The helpful copy lets us know that "Selling your home doesn't have to be a "drag" with "drag" courteously quoted, just in case we didn't "get it."

There you go, account execs. Now you know why the creatives cringe when you walk into their offices. Or more likely: you think this ad kicks ass.

Locals Only Part III

Local Only Part II

Locals Only Part I