Photo Shoot

I get it. Trump is a bastard. But The New York Times is a newspaper, not People Magazine. This image appeared on the front page, above the fold today.

The caption tells us that this Muslim girl is studying at her family's home in the Bronx.

What it doesn't tell us is why she chooses to have such a menacing image of Trump, the current front runner and leading Islamophobic on the screen while she studies.

Photoshop or photo staging, this is shoddy journalism. Total bullshit.  

The Circle Slash Means Stop, Doesn't It?

So does adding the word "Stop" to a circle slash make this ad say "Don't Stop"? And why are the last three letters in "capitalist" underlined? Is this a take-off on anti-capital punishment groups? WHY? Just to be punny? (At least they know how to use the circle slash symbol) And why is the drop shadow so huge on that button? And why can't an organization that can afford to run a quarter page ad in the national version of The New York Times afford to hire a team to create a decent ad?

Not Much Left to Show Them

Cold Call Carl has a new job. Now he works for Social Media R Us. (Click for the large) He's finding, like many in the practice have found, that they've taken it in-house.

Inspired by a post over at Make the Logo Bigger.

More Cold Call Carl.

GM, Goodby Pulling Stupid Stunt

In today's New York Times, an internal Chevrolet memo is reported on, and I'm calling "Bullshit." According to two idiots in GM's upper management,

"We’d ask that whether you’re talking to a dealer, reviewing dealer advertising or speaking with friends and family, that you communicate our brand as Chevrolet moving forward."

They also say,

"When you look at the most recognized brands throughout the world, such as Coke or Apple for instance, one of the things they all focus on is the consistency of their branding. Why is this consistency so important? The more consistent a brand becomes, the more prominent and recognizable it is with the consumer. This is a big opportunity for us moving forward."

As if Coke isn't also called Coca-Cola. And yes, they said, "Moving forward" twice. The article then quotes one Klaus-Peter Martin, a GM spokesman, who confirmed the memo, saying, "We’re going to use Chevrolet instead of Chevy going forward in our communications." Martin said the move is linked to Chevy's switch to new agency Goodby, Silverstein & Partners.

Going forward. Moving forward. Branding. Consistency in branding. Bullshit. As if Chevy isn't just as well known a name (if not more so) as Chevrolet. If this is Goodby's doing, I'm disappointed. An agency known for good work shouldn't pull stupid stunts like this. This has the stench of set-up. I suspect a turnaround in a few months. A calculated and transparent "change of heart" where the big wigs at Chevy will announce something to the effect of,

"The American people have spoken. They love the nickname "Chevy." We miscalculated in our efforts to be consistent in our branding. We can no more change America's mind about America's favorite car than we could ask them not to salute the flag, eat apple pie and play baseball. Going forward, you can call Chevrolet "Chevy" all you want, and you can keep calling it America's favorite car."

If I'm wrong and this isn't just a stupid stunt, then it's just plain stupid. A brand should be lucky to have an affectionate nickname. McDonald's embraces "Mickey D's" and up until now, Chevrolet has always embraced "Chevy."

And not surprisingly, a few pages after the article is a full-page ad from Chevy announcing that its Equinox model has won some award from Consumer's Digest. And where do they tell us we can go to learn more? Chevy.com.

(Go on. Click it. I worked hard mutilating this old Chevy ad)

Until We Meet Again

The traditional meeting business has long suffered due to sites like GoToMeeting. Or due to improvements in tools like Skype. Or tools like the telephone. Still, there are the old-school types who prefer to do business the old-fashioned way: at a hotel - in a conference room - with pitchers of ice water and carafes of bad coffee - with stale danish and cloth napkins - with a projector so you can watch a Powerpoint presentation. Don't forget the always clean rest rooms and the helpful staff. Make sure to wear your best meeting clothes. And book a flight. And get a room. And don't party too much the night before the meeting. While in the meeting, take plenty of notes on a pad of paper, because the printed handout of the Powerpoint presentation is not enough to show you are pretending to be interested. If you raise your hand to ask a question, you just might hear, "Let's discuss this more offline," because meeting in person is somehow "online." But "face time," the proponents of traditional meetings argue, "is important." I agree. That's why Skype has video.

Hyatt, borrowing a concept from Demotivators, placed this ad in today's New York Times, hoping you will hold your next meeting with them. Their tagline is "Great Happens," with the subtag "When People Get Together." It's one of those over-the-top pledges that means nothing and promises everything. It's all explained in vague detail at Hyatt Meetings, with nice pictures of the helpful staff setting the conference room table with pitchers of ice water and cloth napkins.

Cute execution. Nice skewer of the traditional corporate poster, except that it's in promotion of a traditional corporate practice. 

Previously in Motivating The Troops with Buzzwords:
There is no "U" in "Team."

McComedy Central

In this homepage screenshot of Comedy Central's site, I've highlighted in blue everything that is not about McDonald's. I suppose by midday the background image will be of lunch.

While this is a rather exaggerated example, this is how it's done, New York Times. I know you don't want to be this cheap and lowbrow, but you're never going to get people to pay for news online that they can find elsewhere for free, as Newsday's debacle should've told you.

The Meatball and the Worm

For the design freaks out there, there's an interesting piece today in The New York Times Style Magazine by Alice Rawsthorn about NASA's identity crisis.

Although after reading, I'm still not sure why NASA holds on to this hyper-dated logo, or "insignia" as they call it. They sought to modernize it in 1972 as part of the Federal Design Improvement Program, an initiative supported by President Nixon to modernize the use of design by government agencies. After spending a ton of your money coming up with an alternative that works, they brought this thing back in the bad years of NASA (crashes) to remind people of the glory years. It just reminds me of bad design.

Best-Selling Author Picks Up Side Job

...as President, surely a modest-paying gig compared to what he makes from book sales. I know the book sales are climbing due to his win, but still, this guy is too successful. I predict he gets a walk-on spot with the Washington Wizards his first month in office and then cures cancer in his basement laboratory in the White House in February. In March he will invent a decent electric car while at the same time discovering vast stores of oil in Appalachia, ensuring an economic windfall for all the hill-folk who voted against him, thus ensuring a landslide re-election in 2012.

Time is Running Out on Watchmakers

Chances are you are not an astronaut or a fighter pilot. You're probably not a Navy SEAL. And I'm not really going out on any limbs to doubt that few of you are secret agents, competitive yachtsmen or race car drivers.

The New York Times included this morning a "special advertising supplement" (66 pages) devoted exclusively to "luxury timepieces." Or "chronographs." These are those things that used to be called "watches." You wear them on your wrist and glance down at them, just in case you didn't see the clock on your computer, your phone, the one in your car, the three in the kitchen, the one on the cable box and the one on the DVD player.


I was in a meeting not long ago in which sat about 12 people ranging in age from 25 to 45. Men and women, professionals all, and not a one of us was wearing a watch. We made mention of this and it was agreed that there was no point anymore in wearing a watch. Watchmakers know this is happening and they're seeing their sales fall. Included in the NYT's glossy watch magazine was a two-page spread asking a bunch of smug, white CEOs of watch companies, "Why do you wear a watch?" They gave answers like, "A watch reflects my attitude," and "A watch is a private piece of art," and "It is all about unlimited pleasure and fantastic emotion." OK. As long as we agree that it's just an accessory at this point and is not really used for keeping time. And I need to spend thousands of dollars for this thing that has devolved into a status symbol?

Good luck, watchmakers. I'm sure the NYT was glad to take your money for what will prove to be a failed effort. I understand that in hard economic times it is important to advertise, but you are selling something no one really needs or can really afford right now.

Previously in watch rants: Never Seem to Find the Time

It's a Quarter to Noon, You're Drunk in Your Room

Monkeys swinging from the chandelier in the hotel's crest suggest playfulness, I guess. But announcing that your new hotel represents "a new paradigm in luxury hotels" is a bit of a stretch, not to mention a worn cliché. I suppose if there are actually giant hand mirrors in the rooms and the keys are a foot in length and the ocean is just behind the curtain, that would be a new paradigm in luxury hotels, and playful. But a visit to the hotel's website shows your basic luxury rooms, and only as artist's renderings.

I do like the surreal Dalí meets Alice in Wonderland style, which is carried through on the website. (The model sprawled on the floor is getting a little overplayed these days.) But the creators of this ad didn't go with the standard luxury hotel ad style. They avoided the tired and overused white-gloved doorman opening the limo door, or the beautiful couple sharing a pre-sex drink in the darkened, trendy cocktail lounge. And there's always the cougar and her boy toy lounging by the pool approach. This ad just keeps it all vague and mysterious and the viewer is left intrigued.

The book in the lower left reads "Soft Like Silk, Sexy Lace Stockings, Sleepy Little Sigh." Continuing with the SLS theme, the website's tagline is "Something Lovely's Starting." It's pretty typical stuff; a celebrity chef, renowned designers, places to eat and drink. But the playful copy along with the vague and surreal photography represent a fairly fresh approach when there are no "paradigms" left in luxury hotel advertising.

Set Phrases on Stun

Charles Blow has a great piece in today's New York Times blasting Obama for forgetting that politics, like advertising (same thing) is about slogans and gimmicks. He cites McCain's "Drill Here Drill Now" mantra as an effective example of how to jump ahead in the polls, "Because it was concise, catchy and positive."

Regardless of the fact that McCain's "Drill Here Drill Now" was invented by Newt Gingrich and then championed by Sean Hannity until it became McCain's, Blow is right. Obama is going to sink like a rock if he keeps up his professorial put-em-to-sleep stuff. Sadly, he had to go that route because the opposition was accusing him of being nothing but lofty words. Now that he's proven he can think and reason like a bright, clean and articulate guy, it's time to go back to lofty words.

Americans are stupid. We need gimmicks and junk, catchphrases and bullshit before we buy. "Drill Here Drill Now" is proof of this. I even saw a bumper sticker with the phrase this week. It's a phony policy that won't do a thing to make us "energy independent." But America believes it will. If you say it often and if you say it loud it becomes truth. Top it off with the House of Representatives stunt with all the "rogue" lawmakers demanding a Drill Here Drill Now vote and you've got a movement. While it is stupid to neglect Alaska's oil in the interest of saving some frickin' caribou - who are migratory! They'll MOVE! - most experts agree that all the oil in Alaska will make a very minor dent in our national consumption.

I thought Axelrod was a marketing genius, but he's losing his touch. It's already time for Obama to rebrand.

Dreams of Flight

On this, the 50th anniversary of NASA, The New York Times has a cover story this morning about that jetpack I mentioned last week debuting at AirVenture in Oshkosh, WI today. Like most jetpacks, this one is severely lacking and severely expensive. Says the inventor,

“If someone says, ‘I’m not going to buy a jetpack until it’s the size of my high school backpack and has a turbine engine in it,’ that’s fine,” he said. “ But they’re not going to be flying a jetpack in their lifetime.”

I guess the inventor has been reading this blog, because I've basically said just that. Color me skeptical and unimpressed, but at $100,000 (and no one has gotten more than five feet off the ground so far) I'm thinkin'.....zzzzzzzzzzz.

Anyway, as I've said before, the jetpack is a symbol, a metaphor, a....something. I'm not really looking for a jetpack. It'd be nice, but the point is broader.

A Decadent Dump

Dump Dinner

Directions:

1. Boil lobster, crab legs, shrimp, clams, red potatoes and corn on the cob
2. Cover table in newspaper
3. Prepare cocktail sauce and melted butter
4. Dump boiled contents on table
5. Serve with cheap Australian merlot

CLEAN-UP: Remove non-disposable items from table. Roll up newspaper with shells and spent cobs and deposit in trash. Keep trash out of reach of bears.

Red, Red Wine

What I know about wine would fit on a Post-It note, as shown here. When looking for a bottle of wine, I'm just as likely to be suckered by a nicely designed label as I am by a clever or intriguing name for a vineyard. And the grocery store's wine section is like an art gallery of competing labels. But if you've got grapes on your label, you really didn't think this through and you aren't attracting me to look again. I know grapes make wine, thank you.

The phrase, "Don't judge a book by its cover," likely came into being because book jacket designers were doing a good job of getting people to buy crappy books just by making the covers attractive, whereas some hidden gems went unnoticed because the covers were bland. And so books, like wine, are best purchased upon the recommendation of someone you trust, be that a friend or a critic. But wine critics speak a language I don't understand. I don't know what a "hint of oak" is. "Soft buttery tones" is way too refined for my taste buds to determine. I would not know how to judge a wine's "character." I'm the idiot in the wine section looking at pretty labels.

This ad in today's PLAY magazine in The New York Times jumped out at me. The art is colorful and bold. I didn't even notice the poor copy as I was taken in by the old school illustration of a mountain stream. Then you look at the bottle and hope the art is duplicated there. It is, but not nearly to the effect of the ad. If the label had this sort of color and style, it would catch my eye in the store and I would give it a second look. Then I'd think, "Pinot noir...that was the wine that Paul Giamatti's character was obsessed with in the film Sideways. He was a wine snob in the first degree. And as I recall, pinot noir sales shot up as a result of that film. I hate following trends. I'm not drinking pinot noir. Where's that cheap Australian merlot ?"

Stupid Obama Clones

I saw a picture in the paper yesterday of a bunch of NATO leaders getting ready for a group photo. Standing at center was a very lonely looking President Bush. I almost felt bad for him. He was like some outcast and friendless child.

Then I realized what was really going on.




Click to Supersize

Sailing For Coffee - Cruising For Martinis

Could it be that travel advertisers have been farming their work out to Worth 1000?

This week's contest: Drinking & Travel. Create a travel ad using a commonly consumed beverage.

Both ads scanned from the recent New York Times Style Magazine, travel edition, Spring, 2008.

Click 'em for bigness.

Those Coffee Making Hotties at the Office

The New York Times plugs Cracked.com today, mentioning this gem of yesteryear, when the best way to keep your husband faithful was to brew Folger's.

In College it Won't Be Illegal

Having done a few weeks of freelancing for the creative services division of my local paper this summer, I can attest to the fact that print journalism is having a tough time of it, particularly local newspapers. Subscriptions are dropping and no one knows quite how to monetize this whole Internet thing, aside from placing annoying pop-up ads on every page of the paper's website. The online versions of the newspapers want to be everything to everyone. “We’re your news, weather and traffic source. And dining guide. And job hunting place. And garage sale finder. And place to meet singles in your area.” Trouble is, every local TV and radio station website makes the same claims. The competition for readers and visitors is getting tough. The Post, The Times and the various wire services have all the international or national stories locked up, so the papers resort to touching human interest stories or titillating scandal.

So I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me to find my local paper scraping the barrels of salacious journalism today on their website, offering up as one of their Photos of the Year galleries Women Arrested for Having Sex with Their Students, brought to you by the University of Phoenix.

Hintin' at Clinton

Todays' New York Times Magazine (cover story on the Clintons) has some interesting Clinton-focused ads within.

You can't subliminalize me, NYT. I see where you stand on the upcoming election. You probably told your sponsors, "This is our Clinton issue, so feel free to include hints of Clinton in your ads this week."


The back cover is for a special holiday bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, which comes with the option of engraving the bottle for your friends. This bottle is engraved from (or to, not sure) "Bill."


















But then explain this. One of the longer running ads in this magazine is for a walk-in tub by Premier. This time they've got a couple of new models who look eerily like a certain former president and his wannabe president wife.

The World's Most Famous Brand

Click it for maximum viewocity

A collage after lots of image searching. I'm sure most of these are copyrighted. Too bad.

From the iconic to the ironic, with a few moronic thrown in for good measure. It's not meant to be patriotic. It's about branding.

Idea for collage found in this article.