We Interrupt This Broadcast

Over the weekend, I read what has been widely acclaimed as a pretty good novel by a well-known author. I came away from his book saying, "What a pile of crap. That thing I wrote in 30 days is better than this." But the game of publishing is, in fact, a game, all the more these days when publishers are freaking out about the viability of their industry. I'll keep standing on the sidelines hoping to play, shouting for the coach to put me in, but I'm going to bend the rules now.

Nothing like self-publishing; the ultimate "Bite me!" to the REAL publishing world. Downside, of course, is that no one reads it and you never see a dime, not that most authors make any money anyway. So I decided, "Why not take self-publishing one step further and just say, "Fuck it," posting the manuscript I wrote, in its entirety, here on Blogger? Maybe it'll catch the eye of a literary agent or publisher, or maybe it will expose me for the hack that I am, a risk I have been taking here on this blog for four years. 

Raise your hand if you have a great idea for a screenplay. Raise your hand if you think you've written the killer novel. (It has Vampires in it? Excellent!) We would-be writers and hopeful authors hold on to our "works" as if they are undiscovered gold, clutching them to our chests lest some plagiarist see them, recognize their worth, and steal them. That's bullshit. Throw it out there. See what happens. 

We now return you to your regularly scheduled whatever it was we were doing here.

Best-Selling Author Picks Up Side Job

...as President, surely a modest-paying gig compared to what he makes from book sales. I know the book sales are climbing due to his win, but still, this guy is too successful. I predict he gets a walk-on spot with the Washington Wizards his first month in office and then cures cancer in his basement laboratory in the White House in February. In March he will invent a decent electric car while at the same time discovering vast stores of oil in Appalachia, ensuring an economic windfall for all the hill-folk who voted against him, thus ensuring a landslide re-election in 2012.

And You'll Only Drink Milk From a Christian Cow

You should never judge a book by its cover, but you’ll be expecting others to do just that in your new job as Packaging Manager for Thomas Nelson Books.

This is an ideal job for a junior designer who wants to live in Nashville. “1-3 years working in the commercial art industry or recent art school graduate with strong student portfolio may apply.”

You’ll be designing book jackets, which could be kind of fun, I’d think. A couple of your duties:

Sets creative and conceptual tone of book covers for multiple SPUs.

Oversees creative direction and execution of final cover design (including copywriting).

Interested? See here.

Oh, what they don’t tell you is that Thomas Nelson is an “inspirational” book publisher, so you’ll be marketing your books to an exclusively Christian audience. You will also likely not get hired if you don't share the company's "core values."

Christians in this country long ago abandoned their savior’s directives. They started marketing to one another instead. Moneychangers in the temple. Booksellers in the foyer.

As I’ve said before, Christians have their own books, bookstores, radio stations, music, TV stations, programs, movies, magazines, theme parks and yellow pages. Now you can be their own book jacket designer.