Best-Selling Author Picks Up Side Job

...as President, surely a modest-paying gig compared to what he makes from book sales. I know the book sales are climbing due to his win, but still, this guy is too successful. I predict he gets a walk-on spot with the Washington Wizards his first month in office and then cures cancer in his basement laboratory in the White House in February. In March he will invent a decent electric car while at the same time discovering vast stores of oil in Appalachia, ensuring an economic windfall for all the hill-folk who voted against him, thus ensuring a landslide re-election in 2012.