I Trust They Killed Everyone Involved

First the writer. Then the art director, the producer, director, talent - and finally the client who signed off on this. I share this only because misery loves company.

Serve Cold. Drink Fast.

"Your Majesty! The people have no wine!"

"Let them drink Ripple."

From the vault they call YouTube. If you search it, it will come up.

Ripple, from Gallo, long regarded as the cheap wine for...winos, was once "the new drink for lively people." Marie Antoinette is winking at you in this old spot that follows the classic Mad Men era format of sickening jingle followed by zealous announcer.

"Twice the pleasure" is copywriter language for "a quick buzz."

Boom Box Badness

From 1980, when the bigger your boom box was, the badder you were. People carried these things down the road, subjecting all within a three-block radius to their favorite tunes. While we may bemoan the isolated worlds that earbuds have created, it's nice that we don't have to force each other to listen to our music anymore. And they ate up D cells like Octomom in the Pampers aisle. And you could develop back problems from hoisting one of these down the street.

Earth, Wind & Fire for Panasonic. Too bad it wasn't Shining Star.

Oil, War, Taxes, Environment, Religion and Other Points of Debate

We can bark at each other until we're blue in the face, restating our rehearsed talking points with fake civility to the point that they become mere bumper stickers. Politics is now PR, and if you repeat a slogan long enough and loud enough, people start to pick it up and believe it.

You hate me and I hate you. You're a deluded fool and I'm a mindless drone. You're stupid and I'm dumb.

But I think there's one thing we can both agree on: Johnny Cash had a cool voice, even when working for American Oil (aka Amoco) now a part of BP (Formerly known as British Petroleum, now using the eco-friendly "Beyond Petroleum.")

He Lives on the Moon, We May All Be There Soon

In honor of NASA's 50th birthday, and in anticipation of the long-awaited jetpack, enjoy this 1968 commercial for Mattel's Major Matt Mason. Note the intro and outro camera, the black and white kids playing with black and white action figures, as well as the copy and announcer trying to tell a compelling story, sometimes rhyming.

A Line of Copy That Entered the Collective Consciousness

Friday Flashback Flashback Flashback

I'm not saying it's even good copy, but even if you are too young to have seen this ad, you likely know the second line of dialog. Or more than likely, the customer's last line to "Mr. Lee."



Nice that Asians were at least portrayed as not talking like Rob Schneider in some lame Adam Sandler movie, but they still own the stereotypical Asian business.

She'll Have the Grilled Cheese and Milk

Never mind the sickening music, which is based on that stupid Broadway musical thing that makes me want to rip my ears off. Never mind the costumes and production, which are based on that stupid Broadway musical thing that makes me want to rip my eyes out.

Listen to the message. If you take your wife along with you on business, she can fly at a discount. And when you get to the hotel, see if they'll let her stay for free. And make sure she orders from the kids menu when you go out to eat.

Blow it Up! Again and Again

When men were men and trains were for war. Train to be a test pilot by learning to operate an electric train.



Why post this? Because you are more easily entertained by moving images than you are by the written word. And 'cause I have to get to work and this is easy.

Those Coffee Making Hotties at the Office

The New York Times plugs Cracked.com today, mentioning this gem of yesteryear, when the best way to keep your husband faithful was to brew Folger's.

Go Climb a Tree

This was the beginning of bringing kids indoors to simulate playing games they should've been playing outside. The spot opens with OJ. And thankfully, no one names their kid "Harvey" anymore. While the spot ends with the claim "Endorsed by your favorite pro stars and teams," they weren't allowed to include team insignias on the helmets in the opening.



I know most of the country will be rooting for the Indianapolis Mannings this weekend, but I've got my money here. (Love this old school crest with the cartoon crazy horse drawn in art therapy by a demon-possessed child suffering from a high fever.)

Axis of Evel Knievel

Not one. Not two. But THREE! Count 'em! THREE awesome Evil Knievel toy spots in one blog post! Each a classic destined for a hall of fame! Each containing thrilling jumps, spills and thrills. Yes, Thrilling Thrills.

Listen for the award-winning line: "The bike that goes so fast it flies like a bird on eagle's wings." Yes, a bird. On eagle's wings.

Frisbee® - Non-Toxic, Since 1958

Remember the good old days, when toys didn't get recalled for deadly paint? But there are many things about the good old days that are best left back there. Like this dude's shorts. And stupid jingles.



No longer an American company, Wham-O, makers of the Frisbee, sold to a Hong Kong company last year - toy and game manufacturer Cornerstone Overseas Investments, Limited.

So if your dog dies after catching too many Frisbee tosses in the backyard, maybe something in that Chinese glow-in-the-dark plastic killed him.

From the Streets of Sacramento to the Freeways of LA

I love to throw together truthful parodies of the crap I'm working on sometimes, if only for the benefit of keeping my coworkers lighthearted and mindful that we're really just bullshitters at the end of the day. (My boss called my "cynical" yesterday. I said "You are too, you just try to hide it.") Or I like to inject truth into an ad that I know the market will respond to, even if the client might freak out. Those ideas usually get shot down, but I've always believed in speaking to the audience honestly, and if I can talk someone into letting me do it, I know it will get results.

Sometimes when the camera's rolling, things get a little playful. This spokesman is doing a stand-up for some car dealer in San Bruno, a San Francisco suburb, in what appears to be the late 60s or early 70s. The info at YouTube says this was a live broadcast, but I can't believe that. I'm sure it was to tape, with the crew goofing off and saying what they really thought of this business of selling used cars. At any rate, it's gold. Lots of adult language, so if that might offend you, don't watch.



Here's an essay I wrote in 2002 about used cars.

Mad Frenchmen

Everyone seems to be in agreement that Mad Men, the show about 1960s-era advertising, pretty much sucks.

Didn't watch it. Couldn't tell you. But in the spirit of suck, and because I enjoy making you cringe with me in perplexed wonder at what people were possibly thinking back in that era, I give you an extra helping of embarrassing nostalgia for your weekend pleasure. This is for Pepsi, 1965. From France. Swingin' times.



UPDATE: My mom called last night. Mom: "Did you watch Mad Men?" Me: "No. I heard it's terrible." Mom: "No. They're saying it's the best show on television."

Silly Pierre Went Dirt Bike Riding in White

I've found a treasure trove of old ads, mostly international, along with some of those classic educational films from a YouTube user who lives in El Centro, California. (If you've never driven through El Centro, it's a desert town in the...CENTER...of Southern California. Hotter than Hell most of the year. Forecast for this Sunday: Sunny and 109.)

This spot is great in its own time-capsule, cultural disparity way. Not sure what French-speaking African country this cleaning detergent ad was made for, but the Lady of the House washes her laundry in a big bowl off the front porch in 1969. She also uses a hand-crank sewing machine.

Body Bag: Standard

I guess the VW Karmann Ghia had a reputation for being gutless, but this old ad seems to be deliberately trying NOT to sell them. Very odd.

Making fun of your product can be an admirable thing for a brand in the right instance, but making your car look like a piece of crap toy is not the angle I'd take.

A Firmer, Longer Car Pleases the Ladies

There's no way she isn't talking her husband into this purchase. There's an extra four inches, and it has her moaning. I know people were a little more naive back then, but surely this wasn't lost on a whole bunch of people, including the creators of the ad.

Axe Wearers, You Boys Are Amateurs

Because you can never have enough Old Spice, here's a retro look at what made Swordsmen of Old splash on the sailor's aroma in generous amounts. Note the "diversity" attempt and the simple USP: Girls Like It. Also noteworthy, the woman pausing in front of the spouting fountains. Risqué!



Previously:
Suicide Thwarted by Old Spice
Old Spice Goes For Gay Market in 1971