Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Picture. A Thousand Words.

Having just completed a freelance assignment wherein I had to edit and organize a 24-page brochure, (I overestimated my time at 12 hours and delivered in a mere four, once again failing to master the subtle art of milking a job) I am now in need of a writing exercise. So I will write exactly 1000 words about the image found within the text below.


Back in the old days, there was apparently some sort of union of beer makers that promoted the general consumption of beer - any American beer - so long as you drank beer. Their true and main purpose was lobbying. They kept pressure on Congress to limit the taxation of beer. Like any good lobbying organization, they kept their constituency riled up for the fight. “Beer is your right. It is your God-given inheritance as a freeman of these great United States. You should enjoy it in health, just as Benjamin Franklin and Samuel Adams did.” (Historical note: It is said that none other than George Washington would ply voters with “strong beer.”)

The Association would place full-page ads in popular periodicals showing how much better life is when you have plenty of beer on hand. The organization operated much like the American Dairy Association, which doesn’t care what brand of milk you drink, just please support the dairy industry. The brewers were a cooperative lot in those days. During World War I, “the income tax replaced liquor taxes as the primary source of federal revenue,” and after promoting their beverage for over a hundred years - with a brief intermission during Prohibition - the Association disbanded in 1986. So apparently we can thank the lobbying efforts of this organization for limiting taxes on beer, but giving the government nowhere else to turn but to your income for money. That thought saddens me, making me want to drink a lot of beer right now.

This ad from the Association, apparently from the 1950s, gives us a whole lot to look at, with plenty of suggestions as to what is transpiring during this magical afternoon in a suburban garden that has been interrupted by a sudden spring shower. Like many great illustrations of that period, it tells a story, making you look deeper, inviting you to draw your own conclusions and assign your own roles to the players.



1) “Let’s just sit awhile.” The copy suggests that the beer said that. I doubt it. One of these two middle-aged planters uttered that phrase as the rain came down.

2) The “blocks of primary colors” style of décor, popular in the day, suggests that whoever lives here, likely the woman, is a person of taste, up with the times, her off-the-patio gardening room a pre-Ikea shrine to fastidious organization.

3) The illustrator has added what appear to be some cryptic writing and a drawing above the hanging yard implements in the gardening room. This is probably a hidden message known only to him and the copywriter. (I say “him” only because men dominated the field in those days.)

4) This last block of copy is awesome, making no bones about its call to action: “Wouldn’t you like a refreshing glass of beer or ale – say, right now?” Stop what you’re doing and go get some beer!

5) It was no oversight on the part of the artist not to include a wedding band on the woman. This is meant to intrigue you, leaving you to wonder why a woman of her age is not married. Divorced? Widowed? A professional who hasn’t wanted to “settle down” yet, despite all her sorority sisters having done so a decade and a half ago? You make your own story.

6) It has been raining long enough that the wheelbarrow is overflowing with water. Either this little party has been going on for some time or this is a freak storm that the couple isn’t really freaking out about.

7) Jim, or Ted, or Mike or Jack - some generic Anglo name of the day – is making it clear that he’s had a tough day and this beer is really what he needed, and perhaps a shoulder rub, if the lady would be so kind as to please take the hint.

8) Again, we are promoting any beer – green bottle, brown bottle, labels facing away from us – doesn’t matter, just drink any American beer. The lady keeps plenty of varieties on hand for occasions such as this.

9) I am not positive, but a tight zoom-in on the man’s wristwatch seems to indicate that the little hand is on the 12, big hand about 10 past. As long as it’s after noon, it’s beer time. Quit thinking of 5:00 PM as the time to drink. That was meant for wine and spirits. We’re talking beer here. Besides, this is probably Saturday or Sunday and you can have beer for breakfast on those days.

10) Again, the couple has been out here for some time, the cheese starting to curl and brown in the heat. They are too involved in this beer-drinking respite to have even bothered eating the cheese and crackers.

11) Sanitation be damned. These folks are in a party mood. They will throw caution to the wind and lay their dirty implements and gloves on the table with the cheese and crackers. They will also likely forgo the use of birth control later.

12) In order to be able to read the copy, the illustrator was asked not to color in the feet and the area under the table. Today they would just dial back the opacity or desaturate this section of the photograph, but this style shows you the art behind the work and was a trendy technique used by many illustrators of the period.

13) The drinking couple are getting flirtatious, her foot under his chair. And while we can’t see his left foot, it would appear from here that it is under her right knee, likely touching. Beer helps subordinate the inhibitions, the social lubricant that can turn an afternoon of gardening into a rainy-day romp in the sheets.

14) “America’s Beverage of Moderation” was how they used to say “Drink Responsibly.” I like their version better because it’s far more subtle and undemanding.

15) A nice little panel shows the American beer drinker that the brewers would prefer that you enjoy a foamy head on your beer. “Tastes even better that way!” Don’t tilt the glass.
    (Word count: 1000)

      Labels: , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Friday, August 06, 2010

      Idiocracy

      Original image here.

      Labels: , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      L&M Cigarettes. A Play in One Act

      OK, I'm getting lost at this great collection of old ads and if I don't walk away from the keyboard this blog will become nothing but old ads with new dialog added to them, por ejemplo: 


      Andreas, do you believe the soul lives in the captured image?


      I have always said as much, Claudia. You know this.


      And yet you have not followed your parents into the Amish way of life?


      Were it not for their ban on smoking, it would be the way for me.


      Alas.


      Alas.




      Labels: , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      To Photocopiers!

      Last week's Mad Men ended with the office Christmas Party, but they forgot one thing. Original image found at a Flickr stream I will be frequenting. (Click for larger)

      Labels: , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Tuesday, August 03, 2010

      We'll Stop When Someone Sues. Meantime, We SELL!

      Labels: , , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Thursday, July 22, 2010

      And Kids Were Driving When They Could Reach the Gas Pedal

      The year is 1955, and the "druggist," I believe they called him, is selling the youngsters a Zippo lighter for Dad. Or at least that's who the kids said the lighter was for.

      Top line is left as it was, but the rest of the copy has been modified to reflect a changing society. As if a kid could even buy a lighter today.(Click for large.)

      Original ad is here.

      Labels: , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Wednesday, July 21, 2010

      What The Writer and Artist Wanted to Say

      The first time something I wrote actually got printed was when I sent a letter to Mad Magazine in 6th grade. I have not lost the stupid, childish humor yet. Nor do I ever intend to. (The kids, they grow up too fast.)

      Here's an old Coke ad from some time ago. The original line is left intact. The rest is what I suspect the illustrator and the copywriter privately joked was how the ad should read. (Original ad is here. Click to read.)  

      Labels: , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Tuesday, June 22, 2010

      Forget Your Troubles, Friend! Dance-Band Fame is Yours!

      It's the Great Depression and Japan has yet to bomb Pearl Harbor, sending millions to work, and every magazine is filled with ads selling items or ideas that will help John and Alice Dustbowl make some much-needed cash. You can be a tattoo artist, or learn how to make big money in the promising field of cartooning. You can buy a saw-sharpener and go around sharpening people's saws. Learn to stuff birds. Be a baker. Be a diesel mechanic or get into Air Conditioning, "America's next big industry!" Others are just as vague as can be, and only promise happiness, riches, fame and the ability to get whatever you want if you will only send a dime for the book. The modern counterpart to these ads in our tough economy would be, "Learn to be a Social Media Guru in Your Spare Time!"

      I liked this guy. He sells marimbas. Now that's a sure route to happy-land.

      Labels: , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Monday, June 21, 2010

      Men, Beware Those New York Girls

      A panel from a 1937 ad for Baker's Chocolate in LIFE magazine.

      Labels: , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Monday, May 24, 2010

      The Visionaires of Radio Shack


      (A larger version of this electronic image can be enabled simply by clicking on the left button of the pointer device attached to your computer terminal)

      Labels: , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      And This is Why They Invented the Extended Cab

      Copy-heavy ad from 1984 featuring three very close friends.

      Labels: , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Thursday, February 11, 2010

      Retro Ad: It's Cold Outside. Let Ed Warm You Up.


      The Mrs. and Ed are so dying to shed their clothes and have rocking chair sex that they'll let their little girls crawl into the fireplace. Ed sports those gradual tint glasses - and they're gradually tinting - 'cause he's wife so hot! I won't mock Ed's combover. That was very stylish back in his day.






      Labels: ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Monday, November 30, 2009

      ¿Cómo te Llamas?

      I was pleased to find this Flickr set of Bernie Fuchs illustrations. I have learned that Mr. Fuchs was a big deal in the golden era of advertising, when "graphic artist" actually meant "artist." His paintings always evoke the good life that advertising of the 50s and 60s promised, when the swarthy folks were either musicians serenading vacationers or bartenders mixing the classy people another round of drinks.

      I don't suppose Bernie was mad at the world because he wasn't being shown in galleries, and was instead on the pages of every magazine in his day. This one was for Gallo Sherry. (Yes, I know, weird. People used to drink sherry.) I have "repurposed" it for my own amusement.

      Labels: , , , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Friday, October 02, 2009

      He's Just a Really Good Friend

      Still being mesmerized by old issues of LIFE over at Google Books. This odd picture used in a 1957 ad was sort of perplexing. The man in the yellow car has apparently backed his vehicle to the water's edge and is dressed in a suit. He's either a child molester cruising the beach, or he's about to give the cabana boy a lesson 'bout messin'.


      Since child molestation is not funny at all, I've captioned with the latter possibility. (Click image to read. Duh.)

      Labels: , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Wednesday, September 30, 2009

      Can Your Yahoo! Do That?

      When I used to visit my grandfather when I was a kid, I'd usually make my way to what we called "the way, way back yard" where he had a couple of sheds. One housed his model trains, the other his tools and projects. In the latter were also old boxes of magazines, mostly LIFE magazine, and I could sit in the musty heat for hours and skim through them, reading articles and looking at pictures. It was fun to find out what a reviewer thought of an old movie when it was new, or how some old music I currently liked was being discussed as some sort of cultural sea-change upon its release twenty years earlier. Wars long over were being reported on in the now, and it was like time travel for me. Advertisements were great fun to look at as well, the styles, designs and fashions once cutting edge now laughable, viewed from the future.

      Grandpa died and I was always sorry I didn't make it out to California for the funeral. I would've liked to have visited the old house on Del Mar Avenue one more time, with its brick driveway and deep lot, the odd yet pleasant smell when you walked in the front door, the furniture, like those magazine ads, passed by time and now somehow retro-chic. And I probably would've requested of my aunt, who was managing his affairs after he passed, that I be able to lug those boxes of LIFE magazines back home, to sit in my garage or attic, waiting to be pored over again from time to time, an archeological treasure for an amateur historian.

      I haven't been back to Chula Vista in years, but I've seen Grandpa's old house on Google Street Views. The brick driveway has been replaced by concrete, the ivy that made up his front yard replaced by grass. The big swinging gate he made at the end of the driveway, leading to the first part of his three-sectioned back yard, is gone. Someone replaced the louvre windows in the front of the house. The roof, once peppered with white rocks in some 1960s architect's idea of stylish cool, is now just a regular roof. From the aerial view, it's obvious that someone didn't like the idea of three small back yards divided by banana trees and lattice work, and has turned it into a deep lot of grass. I think they even cut down the weeping willow that stood near the two sheds in the way, way back.

      But the LIFE magazines are now in my hands again, thanks to Google. The only thing missing is the musty smell of California dirt and dust in the late afternoon of a dimly lit shed. And the sound of Grandpa yelling my name from the first or second back yard to come wash up for dinner.

      Labels: , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Thursday, August 20, 2009

      This is My Rifle



      Note: This is not a Second Amendment statement. I'm fine with guns. It's a statement on the idiocy of people who bring loaded weapons to town hall meetings about healthcare.


      Original 1967 ad found here.

      Labels: , , , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Sunday, August 17, 2008

      Oil, War, Taxes, Environment, Religion and Other Points of Debate

      We can bark at each other until we're blue in the face, restating our rehearsed talking points with fake civility to the point that they become mere bumper stickers. Politics is now PR, and if you repeat a slogan long enough and loud enough, people start to pick it up and believe it.

      You hate me and I hate you. You're a deluded fool and I'm a mindless drone. You're stupid and I'm dumb.

      But I think there's one thing we can both agree on: Johnny Cash had a cool voice, even when working for American Oil (aka Amoco) now a part of BP (Formerly known as British Petroleum, now using the eco-friendly "Beyond Petroleum.")

      Labels: , , , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Wednesday, January 23, 2008

      15 Out of 15 Dairy Queen Customers are White

      (And so is the lone guy working the store.) At least that was the case in 1960. On second thought, that might be Obama serving ice cream inside the DQ.

      I'm sure many of you are familiar with Plan59, a great site of ancient advertising art. Laggard that I am, I only recently found it and spent too long perusing today when I was supposed to be crafting compelling copy. After viewing way too many images, I think I counted one person of color. He was a train porter serving Coca-Cola to a white family.

      The site does remind you, however, that at one time (pre-Photoshop) being a "commercial artist" meant that you actually had to have some artistic skills.

      Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Saturday, January 19, 2008

      The Bucket List Sucks

      At least that's what all the critics are saying. I could've told you that without seeing it.

      Premise: Two old guys have terminal illnesses and go off on a world tour to do things they want to do before they kick the bucket.

      Starring: Two overrated old actors.

      Lemme Guess: Jack Nicholson plays a grizzled smartass who thinks he's a ladies man? And Morgan Freeman plays a wise old soul who teaches the rich, shallow man a thing or two about life? And Morgan Freeman will do a voiceover to help the crappy script along? Will madcap highjinx ensue? Will there be black/white bonding, life lessons, attempts to jerk tears?

      And here's Morgan Freeman before he made it big, in an ad for Listerine, using as its unique selling proposition, "It tastes like hell, so it must be good."



      There are more "Before they made it big" ads featuring other actors over at Cracked Magazine.

      Labels: , , , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share

      Friday, January 18, 2008

      Cold Country Wheat Farmer Recruiting


















      1911, London

      "I'm here to see Mr. J. Obed Smith about emigrating to Canada."
      "I'm Mr. Smith, Assistant Superintendent of Emigration. Do you farm, young man?"
      "No, sir. I'm a cobbler's apprentice."
      "No future in cobbling, son. None at all."
      "That's what my girl said when she left me."
      "Girls love a wheat farmer, and that's a fact. We'll teach you to farm."
      "What's Canada like, sir?"
      "Beautiful country, my boy. Mild climate, and 100 women to every man."

      Found at AdClassix.

      Labels: , , , ,

      Bookmark and Share