Supersaturated Street Scenes - Montreal

Click 'em for bigness.

First view is in the Vieux-Montréal area, the oldest part of the city and apparently the most touristy. Then I randomly dropped the little yellow man in a suburb north of the city called Lachenaie, where some very colorful laundry flies in the backyard. Nice of the Google Car to cruise this area during a pretty season, grass so lush it almost felt wrong to pump up the saturation, but since that's the name of the series, I had to stay true.

(Camper, above-ground pool and white fence optional.)

Super Saturated Street Scenes - Canadian Edition

(Click for absurdly large, desktop background version, if you're weird like that.)

From Royal Pine Drive, Kelowna, BC, overlooking the city and Okanagan Lake.

Life-size William Shatner lawn ornament sold separately.

More from this category.

At 99¢, There's No Way You Can Lose

Or: 

What Do I Need to Do to Get This Song on Your iPod TODAY?

(Lemme hit you with some heavy sales copy. It's a hard sell, and you're locked in the room until you agree.)

I remember reading a story years ago about the rhythm guitarist for an American band who bought a mansion based off his royalties from a single song-writing credit. It was a good song; a popular song. That's the American dream, isn't it? (Or one of them, anyway. The other one involves working real hard, scraping and clawing your way from mailroom clerk to CEO in 50 years, but I don't have the time or the patience for that route.) And while most musicians today will tell you that you can't possibly make a living from music anymore, I will, with your help, defy those naysayers. I intend to live that dream today, but I probably won't buy a mansion. I'll just get my roof replaced and maybe install a new toilet in the master bath. And I'm going to do it in 99¢ increments. (Actually 60 to 70¢ increments after CDBaby takes their cut.)

What is 99¢ to you? You give 99¢ to the barista at Starbucks because she got your coffee right. You give 99¢ per bag (even though the going rate is $2) to the guy at the airport curb who schlepped your bags the few yards you were too lazy to walk. You give 99¢ to the hotdog vendor outside The Home Depot because you saw the tip jar and felt guilty walking away without adding to it. You give 99¢ to your state's lottery every week. And what do you have to show for any of those 99¢ donations? NOTHING! I give you a song that will last forever in your iPod. I give you Music. I give you Eternity!

The song I'm selling, "Where's My Jetpack?" was described by the first person who bought it, a gentleman from Edmonton, Alberta, as, "An anthem for a generation." He went on to say, "It's been stuck in my head for weeks! I think this is a truly great tune. You really have something here. The world needs to have this song!" (I am not lying, and I do not know this generous, if delusional man, but it was his unexpected encouragement that prompted me to upload the song.) Now, can you afford to be left out on an anthem? I don't want to see that happen to you, and neither do your parents. Or your children. Don't let  them down. As the man said, The World needs to have this song. That giant demographic includes you, my friend. And your parents. And your children. Think of the children.

How many blogs do you read that have their own theme song? Very few, I'm sure. That alone is worth a 99¢ tip! So, I'll tell ya what I'll do! I'll let you have the song after you tip me 99¢!

And it really doesn't matter if you hate the song. What percentage of the music on your iPod do you hate? Maybe 30%? I have songs on my iPod I will NEVER listen to. What's one more? And what do you expect for 99¢ anyway? So what if it's not your favorite genre or style? Expand your palate! Broaden your horizons!

Think of it this way: You're at Dollar Night at your favorite sushi place. You've tried all sorts of exotic pieces and then you say to your companions, "Let's try the sea urchin! It's only $1!" And so you try it and resolve to never, ever eat sea urchin again. You're only out $1 and you learned a valuable lesson about sea urchin. And if you happen to be among the few hundred people worldwide who like sea urchin, is the sushi place going to let you order more of it without paying? That's the difference between me and your sushi place. If you like this song, you get to keep listening to it FOREVER! FOR FREE! This bargain is the biggest no-brainer in the history of earth.

So, what I need you to do right now is make yourself one of the many, many millions who are this very minute going to iTunes to buy the song I'm selling. Once you've done that, and this is KEY - make sure EVERYONE YOU KNOW on Twitter and Facebook buys it, too. And yes, even that gross guy you barely remember from middle school whose friend request you regret accepting because he keeps sending you creepy private messages. Once this chain spans the globe, I expect messages on my Facebook saying, "Dude, I know you don't remember me, but you REALLY NEED TO BUY THIS SONG ON iTUNES."

Not an iTunes user? You can buy it directly from CDBaby.

(And I'd prefer not to hear from the audiophiles about the production quality. Considering I used an old Kay guitar plugged into an aging HP, some drum programming and a Radio Shack headset microphone, I think it passes. Remember, it's only 99¢ you're about to spend. Don't be a sound snob.)

I'd like to tell you that a certain percentage of your 99¢ will go toward some do-gooder program that provides mosquito nets while improving the literacy rate among transgendered baby seals in the rain forest, but it won't. It's all mine after iTunes and CDBaby take their cut. I am counting on you to make me disgustingly rich from a song that doesn't deserve the attention it's about to get. This happens all the time. Bieber, anyone? OK, Bobby McFarrin?

As with most music, it sounds better if you're listening to it loud while drinking an adult beverage. Or perhaps smoking something that might be legal in some states as long as you call it "medicine."

And if you're still too stingy with your measly little dollar, go here and steal the song for free. You punkass pirate bastard.

And then watch the video.

Hope That Something Pure Can Last

This is what they will play for you on your deathbed, like the old man in Soylent Green watching the film of flowers before he's wheeled into the processor to become snack crackers. (Did I lose you, kids? Look it up.)

Indie band Arcade Fire, in cooperation with "some friends from Google," have showcased the capabilities of HTML5 with director Chris Milk through the website The Wilderness Downtown. Type in the address of a childhood home (or any address for that matter) and wait a bit. Provided you grew up in a suburb, the film will aptly reflect the title of the band's latest release, The Suburbs. (Is there something about Canadian bands and their obsession with subdivisions? "Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth," I suppose. Look it up.)

Having moved around quite a lot as a child, I watched it several times using different addresses. The birds cast shadows over your neighborhood and the running child can be seen from the birds' view on high, running down your old street. As he/she spins on the wet asphalt, the scene in front of your old house begins to spin. It's like a dream, honestly, up to the point where the film asks you to write a letter to your childhood self, which I found to be an overwrought stretch. I was enjoying a journey, not looking for a therapy session.

The video, as far as I can tell, is only viewable in Google's Chrome browser, and it's a little clunky. Even still, it's worth it. But believe the warning: "This film is processor intensive. Please shut down other programs and close unnecessary browser tabs. Doing this will enhance your viewing experience. Thanks."

Is it a clever promotion for Google's Chrome, still slow to be adopted after two years? Is it a smart publicity piece for Arcade Fire's new music? Is it a showcase for the capabilities of HTML5? Yes, yes and yes. What's more, it's a hauntingly beautiful piece of art, it's a good (and catchy, damnit) song, it's an unexpected trip into your childhood, and the lyrics recall an innocence that will make you nostalgic for the time before "the flashing lights settled deep in your brain."

Via

Super Saturated Street Views - "Moving Pictures" Edition

Some time back, I was cruising around the world on Google Street Views and came across a Porsche just south of Bellagio in Italy, meandering along the shores of Lago di Como behind the Google Street View Car. I thought, "That'd make a nice Porsche ad." Then recently, I was watching a Rush documentary and wondering, "How come no Rush music has ever been featured in a commercial?" UPDATE: MTLB thinks Rush music was used for a Nissan Pathfinder commercial some years back. Regardless, this will make that look like trash.

So, I'm combining the two interests - Rush and Street Views. Here's an ad made entirely from Google, including the pull-away at the end using Google Maps. I even took the tune from YouTube, where every song you ever wanted to hear resides for free, except the music of Prince, who has a crack legal team that will sue your ass in two shakes of a backup dancer's tail if you so much as THINK of one of his songs without asking.

And every Rush fan, be they old school headbangers or fans of "The Mullet Years" will agree, YYZ is the tune that unites every generation of Rush fan, and I've selected the best :30 of that tune. So here goes: I'm ready to be a one man crowd-source with this thing and take a couple hundred grand, 'cause I need a new roof. (And a Porsche, s'long as I'm at it.)

Here's the reasoning:

• Rush and Porsche are a natural fit: Power + Precision
• Some older Rush fans are wealthy now, even in this recession, and Rush fans are out of the closet. This tune will stop them in their tracks, guaranteed.
• Porsche HAS to be hurting in this economy.
• It rocks.
• It was easy and cheap. Took me a few hours. Keep in mind, this is spec. We'll make it HD and pretty in a nice studio somewhere. (It's the IDEA that counts, bitches.)
• It's an opening for Google to license their Street Views for commercial usage, seeing as they're out to rule the online revenue world.

Well, I guess I've opened up an opportunity for at least three entities to order me to cease and desist, and to them I say, "Live a little and lighten up." (And feel free to hire me. And of course we can work on my lame tagline at the end. But it's easy, cheesy and obvious, in anticipation of the client's desires.)

Canada's #1 Export

Now that it's safe for Rush fans to come out of the closet, what with the appearance of the band on The Colbert Report, their featured role in the comedy I Love You, Man, and their recent documentary, Beyond The Lighted Stage taking an Audience Award at the Tribeca Film Festival, I'm going to go ahead and risk alienating some readers by letting you know that I, for many years, have kept somewhat hidden my love for Rush.

There. I'm out! I feel so free!

They are awesome, "The Synthesizer Years" notwithstanding. How awesome? Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of South Park, created the opening video to their last tour. Sure, all their stuff doesn't work for me, and I have accused them of being (as they note in the film) "pretentious," but for three guys to make this much incredible music is just stunning. I get that they're a musician's band, and they're not for everyone. Those who appreciate them tend to do so to a psychotic degree while those who hate them do so with equal fervency, but they've been with me for a long time. When I fell asleep and rolled my Toyota Celica on I-5 in San Diego one early morning as a teenager, it was Rush playing from the cassette deck when I awoke upside down. (Seatbelts Save Lives, Kids!)

I understand that the band (as pointed out in I Love You, Man, as well as in the recent documentary) are not exactly a favorite among the ladies, unless those ladies are 11-years-old and pure musical geniuses. I only today saw this, so if it's old to you, apologies. Here's an 11-year old girl playing the highly complex Rush composition YYZ - by herself - on keyboards.



For the uninitiated, YYZ has worldwide appeal, as evidenced by this inspirational footage of a crowd of 60,000 Brazilians actually SINGING to an INSTRUMENTAL.

(For the non-Canadian and non-Rush fan, YYZ is the airport code for Toronto.)

Why no one has ever licensed any Rush tunes for commercial use is a mystery to me. Perhaps the heady lyrics and "pretentiousness" have hindered advertisers. I'm working on a little spec spot that I hope might change that.

The Tuscany of Canada

Just watch. They have that big outdoor feast cliché happening in a beautiful field of green.

Finally, Michael J. Fox found a job, and so did Sarah McLachlan, who has been milking her ancient sad song in the service of dying puppies for way too long. Not that British Columbia really needs promoting, but they threw together a host of local celebs who urge you to come see their home. But I was sold on the beauty of BC long ago, first by Steve Martin's "Roxanne," filmed in Nelson, BC, then by Robert Kaplan's "An Empire Wilderness," in which after traipsing through a dystopian American landscape, the author finds a true Emerald City in Vancouver.



Never been, but it sure looks nice. I'm sold. I may even have been convinced that my expatriate destination of choice is no longer South Australia. Oh, wait: "According to the International Housing Affordability Survey of 2009, Vancouver was ranked at 262 out of 265 cities in six countries, so it's less affordable than New York (ranked at 251st place)."

I guess that explains the celebrities.

Hug The Mountain - Brand Shatner

Why am always late to the game on these things that have been seen 500,000 times already since May?

To put this clip in its proper setting: William Shatner is doing a promo here for some sort of schlock show like "Entertainment Tonight," shilling an upcoming Star Trek movie, probably in the '80s. And someone has set it to music. Brilliantly.

In this post-Ironic age, when you are your own brand, or an amalgamation of rotating logos, clothing trends, hairstyles, gadgets and apps that define you, look to the Canadian King of Self-Mockery for a little lesson in consistency.

Does he know he's mocking himself? We, his fans, hope so, but we still can't be quite sure, which makes it that much better.

Horizons Broadened: Work Takes Back Seat

I'm so pissed off today at the clueless clowns who dictate my workload that I don't mind perusing YouTube and finding fun stuff right now. The people telling me what to do have zero clue what they want. All they know is what they don't want. And since I've given them five versions of the driest copy on earth (based on their specific, line-by-line direction) and they've rejected it all, I'm taking a break right now. Masters of the do-over, they even tell me to do over the stuff they told me to do over twice already. I've got email trails to prove their ineptitude and inability to make up their minds, (and hourly change their minds) but it's a job, right? Their indecision and lack of direction (and refusal to accept their agency's direction) means I have a job for a little while longer. Most clients suck. There's no two ways about it.

So, yesterday AdFreak put me on their Five to Follow list. Since that time I've been followed by countless better ad people. One of those was a guy from Wild Mouse, an agency in Toronto. He tweeted this today:

Started 5 day fast today. Famished already. Gave up cigs. Gave up booze. Give up food? I give. Talk to me and you will die.

That got my attention, as I've often thought that's something I want to try; just a system-shocking, all-out break from routine and the start of a healthier me. I'll check in on John in five days. If he isn't dead or hasn't killed someone, I might try his crazy plan. My problem is I want to try it from an air-conditioned oceanfront hut.

So I checked out Wild Mouse's stuff. It's pretty fun. Nice example below. Here's a client who said, "You're the pros. Knock yourselves out." Breaking the mold of the stodgy financial retirement template with a memorable and fun spot.



More from Wild Mouse here.

Yeah, I'm jealous.

The Foribidden Land

Here's a Cuban tourism ad that airs in Canada. You see, Americans aren't allowed to travel to Cuba because we are still punishing Fidel Castro for being a bad man in like, 1959 or something, when he and that one actor, Benicio Del Toro, rode around the countryside on motorcycles, terrorizing the folks. 50 years later and Fidel is still in power in the country that has become a living time capsule, free from modernization and, many will tell you, free from freedom. Can't we all just get along? "No!" the powerful Cuban lobby in Miami will tell you, "We cannot!" But I'm from that naïve school that says you can talk to your "enemies" and even visit their countries.

It's not all glittery like the other Caribbean countries where you're used to your cruise ship docking. And that's half the allure.

And for the time being, this blog will go with a green scheme in solidarity with our other enemy, the Iranian people.

Canadians are Funnier

Bill reminds me in a comment to a previous post that SNL is not funny. I keep forgetting that and end up torturing myself every Saturday night, like some sort of masochist of not-funny, waiting, waiting for a chuckle that never comes and cringing in embarrassment for a national institution that sucks.

"Kids in the Hall" was funny, even when it was stupid, as in this short skit.

Oh, Canada

Why must you follow us into the abyss?

Texas is to Levi's as Alberta is to Wal-Mart Jeans

Two ads for two very different locations in the same publication using the same "leather jeans tag" styled logo. It is supposed to give you the impression that Texas/Alberta are rugged, casual, playful, tough, exciting, outdoorsy and leathery. Not sure, but I think Texas used this idea first, proving once again that Canadians are just jealous camp followers*.

Which reminds me, time to revive the "Statements on States" tourism reviews.

Part I
Part II

* I am joking, Canadians. I love you. I can prove it.

Cold Country Wheat Farmer Recruiting

1911, London

"I'm here to see Mr. J. Obed Smith about emigrating to Canada."
"I'm Mr. Smith, Assistant Superintendent of Emigration. Do you farm, young man?"
"No, sir. I'm a cobbler's apprentice."
"No future in cobbling, son. None at all."
"That's what my girl said when she left me."
"Girls love a wheat farmer, and that's a fact. We'll teach you to farm."
"What's Canada like, sir?"
"Beautiful country, my boy. Mild climate, and 100 women to every man."

Found at AdClassix.

Internets Without Borders

Man, those Germans are at it again, getting all Nationalistic. I just wanted to find "Having an Average Weekend" by Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet. (Better known as "The theme to Kids in the Hall.") Clipfish says they have it, but the dumbly named German site doesn't like Americans. "Be sure to check us out on your next trip to Germany."

Whatever, Beckenrandschwimmer.*

Fine, enjoy this bit of America bashing courtesy of our Canadian cousins.



*Someone who only swims at the border of the pool. Found on this fun site.