Doctors Mystified By Bandana Fused to Man's Head

Never gave a crap about the band Poison, but I had to snap this while in the checkout line at the store. So even though he's unconscious in the hospital, Mr. Micheals' publicist saw to it that all photos of him would be sure to include his trademark headband.

"Exclusive Photos" People Magazine? Maybe because everyone else who looked at them said "Staged!" Ah, well, credit the man's money-making skills. To be thinking of selling photos and an interview to a magazine while in the middle of a life-threatening health crisis is pretty savvy.

The Boy Who Cried Balloon

Richard Heene, father of Balloon Boy, is a new type of villain for the Reality Age, duping the world into believing that his son was swirling through the Colorado clouds in a runaway balloon.

So, here's our intrepid Lego reporter from Xtranormal to confront this jackass, a man we'd all be happy to never see again. But something tells me he's here to stay.



Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

The Empire's Decline Will Be Televised

Nothin' on TV

viel größer

Previously in "Messin' With Lincoln":

Long Lincoln Weekend
Lincoln: Bad Ad Man
Lincoln Takes His Facebook Picture

Update: How about with a corndog too?

vista máxima

Update #2: Drinking a fine German beer?

Rendez-le plus grand

Lincoln's fine German beer is here and I would very much like the brewers of this beer to note that I linked to their site and send me a case, please.

Oh, Canada

Why must you follow us into the abyss?

And Now, A National Snapshot

I've noticed that the talking heads and political pundits are multiplying on TV. There are a dozen on every news show, and they all parrot each other. I've watched enough that I think I now qualify as a talking head and political pundit on TV.

My turn:

• Blacks who voted for Clinton in 92 or 96 and who attend church favor Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who voted for Bush in 92 or Dole in 96 and don’t attend church are really hard to find, but they favor Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who think Obama was uncool toward his pastor and is acting out of political expediency support Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who think Bill Clinton was “the first black president” support Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who think Hillary Clinton’s use of a John Mellencamp song as her stump speech background music is really stupid support Obama by 90%.
• Whites who secretly hate black people support Clinton by 51%.
• Whites who want us to “move beyond discussions of race” are obviously white.
• Blue collar, rural whites are perplexed that every four years people act like they care about them.
• Republicans are voting for McCain, even though they don’t like him.
• Conservative evangelicals feel neglected this year. McCain will win them in the end on a single issue.
• White, rural, college-educated, female, lesbian, blue collar Christians are just really interesting, independent and very hard to pin down. I think they are the key swing voters this year.
  

The Decline and Fall Will Be Televised

I could write a thousand word essay on the subject, but a captioned picture is worth a thousand words.

Or something.

My List of Talking Points is Better Than Yours

CNN will show another episode of Dancing With the Candidates tonight, where no questions will actually be answered and the regurgitation of talking points will be the norm. The judges will score the event on Best Zinger, Worst Stumble, Most Glaring Character Flaw Moment and Best Faked Sincerity.

They can both dance quite admirably. They spin, they twirl, they twist. At this point it’s pretty much down to talking points. We can recite the lines even if we've barely been paying attention. We’re all just waiting for someone to screw up in a big way and get voted off the show.

Click image to read captions, unless you have, like, really good eyes.

What is WRONG with this Country?

So I'm doing my morning coffee drop-in on a few blogs and cruise Google News thing when I scroll down the page to find these life-changing stories from the Entertainment section of Google News: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars and American Idol's Paula Abdul Trips Over Her Dog and Breaks Her Nose. Wow.

I'm saddened, alarmed and thinking of becoming an expatriate. Nothing has polluted our culture more in recent years than reality TV. And now it's everywhere. Everything's a contest. Who wants to become a film director? Who wants to create a commercial for the Super Bowl? Who wants their mom to get a makeover? Who wants to be told on national TV that whatever they brought to the table really, REALLY sucked and they didn't make the cut? Who is so desperate for their 15 minutes of Shame and/or Fame that they will take either, as long as it means they're on TV?

As for American Idol, I've never watched it and never will. It is based solely on singing - and singing of a particular Atlantic City Vegas Branson Celine Dion Mariah Carey Cher Sinatra style that I hate. (Oh yes, I really DID just say something disparaging about "ol Blue Eyes." Never thought he had an ounce of talent. He talked his way through lyrics he didn't even write.) These contestants do cover songs, they don't play instruments, and they turn out by the hundreds of thousands when auditions open up for the next season.

I'm not sure who to blame for all of this. I think the fault may lie with Bob Saggett and his old show, America's Funniest Home Videos. It was the predecessor to YouTube, where alarming numbers of ordinary people created fake situations for the camera and then sent them to Bob in the hopes that he'd show their stupid clip on his stupid show. Just how many dresses and pairs of pants actually fall off at wedding receptions in this country in a year? Why would you cut down a tree right next to a parked car? And why did you have a video camera rolling when you were cutting down said tree? Everyone is so desperate.

There really are Two Americas, but not the two that John Edwards talks about.