Your Claims of "Viral" Are Falling on Deaf Eyes

I won't even give this video the benefit of an embedded view because the execution behind the attempt is so transparent. Not that the idea is so awful. Guy finds image of Burger King on his Big Mac bun. Cute.

It is introduced to me in an email that has all the markings of blog spam: "Hey, longtime fan of your blog and thought you might be interested in this. I keep seeing this video in a bunch of places and wondered what you thought. Funny stuff."

Whether or not BK is ultimately behind this doesn't even bother me. I doubt they are and this is probably someone's attempt to get some viral cred that they can put on their reel as they knock on doors to try to find a job.  "We did this hilarious thing for BK that just blew up on YouTube!"

This one, like most of them, has the forced acting by amatuers who happened to have their cameras out as they were eating lunch at McDonald's. It is uploaded by a guy who, SURPRISE, has only ever uploaded one video - and it's this one. If my YouTube user name is jakeskatesf, I will likely have at least a few vids of myself skating, or doing bong hits, or hanging out at the beach, especially if I'm the kind of guy whose camera is so a part of me that I have it out while at lunch with my friends. And the people who think Jake's video is awesome, their profiles have ZERO uploads. These are what's known in the business as "fake plants pretending to like your faked stupid video." One of them comments on Jake's video that "Damn dude! This BK thing is blowin' up!" Uh, not really.

Good viral happens, it isn't seeded or trying to be "authentic." You can't PR your way to success through fake email accounts with "check this funny thing out I found" messages. And what really ticks most of us off are the lengths you will go to to make it seem as though you are just some Joe or Jake who made a video, creating fake profiles and seeding comments. At least have another couple videos on your channel to hide the fact that you created the channel for the sole purpose of promoting your little stunt that you hope gets noticed by CP+B.

Or just be honest and put it on your real channel with the explanation, "I need a job and so I did this thing to get noticed by someone." That would be far more digestible than what you're up to now.

GM, Goodby Pulling Stupid Stunt

In today's New York Times, an internal Chevrolet memo is reported on, and I'm calling "Bullshit." According to two idiots in GM's upper management,

"We’d ask that whether you’re talking to a dealer, reviewing dealer advertising or speaking with friends and family, that you communicate our brand as Chevrolet moving forward."

They also say,

"When you look at the most recognized brands throughout the world, such as Coke or Apple for instance, one of the things they all focus on is the consistency of their branding. Why is this consistency so important? The more consistent a brand becomes, the more prominent and recognizable it is with the consumer. This is a big opportunity for us moving forward."

As if Coke isn't also called Coca-Cola. And yes, they said, "Moving forward" twice. The article then quotes one Klaus-Peter Martin, a GM spokesman, who confirmed the memo, saying, "We’re going to use Chevrolet instead of Chevy going forward in our communications." Martin said the move is linked to Chevy's switch to new agency Goodby, Silverstein & Partners.

Going forward. Moving forward. Branding. Consistency in branding. Bullshit. As if Chevy isn't just as well known a name (if not more so) as Chevrolet. If this is Goodby's doing, I'm disappointed. An agency known for good work shouldn't pull stupid stunts like this. This has the stench of set-up. I suspect a turnaround in a few months. A calculated and transparent "change of heart" where the big wigs at Chevy will announce something to the effect of,

"The American people have spoken. They love the nickname "Chevy." We miscalculated in our efforts to be consistent in our branding. We can no more change America's mind about America's favorite car than we could ask them not to salute the flag, eat apple pie and play baseball. Going forward, you can call Chevrolet "Chevy" all you want, and you can keep calling it America's favorite car."

If I'm wrong and this isn't just a stupid stunt, then it's just plain stupid. A brand should be lucky to have an affectionate nickname. McDonald's embraces "Mickey D's" and up until now, Chevrolet has always embraced "Chevy."

And not surprisingly, a few pages after the article is a full-page ad from Chevy announcing that its Equinox model has won some award from Consumer's Digest. And where do they tell us we can go to learn more? Chevy.com.

(Go on. Click it. I worked hard mutilating this old Chevy ad)

The Boy Who Cried Balloon

Richard Heene, father of Balloon Boy, is a new type of villain for the Reality Age, duping the world into believing that his son was swirling through the Colorado clouds in a runaway balloon.

So, here's our intrepid Lego reporter from Xtranormal to confront this jackass, a man we'd all be happy to never see again. But something tells me he's here to stay.



Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Don't Tase Me, Bro

That is one funny phrase, and congratulations to Johannes Feldberg of Herndon, VA who had the foresight and the quickness to buy donttasemebro.com yesterday. (How do I know? I went looking to buy it!) No idea what Johannes intends to do with it, but he'd better act fast, as this sort of thing gets bumped off the front page very quickly these days.

Andrew Meyer, or Taser Boy, as he's come to be known in the media, is a stunt artist and an attention-seeker. As a clue, his email address is famouswriterman@aol.com. It's a shame he's drawing such negative attention to the very fine University of Florida. I know there's all kinds of debate going on about freedom of speech, police brutality, etc, but acting like an idiot in the interest of getting yourself on YouTube is quite another thing. Goal accomplished, Mr. Meyer. Make the most of your 15 minutes.

Don't Tase Me Bro
Lyrcs by D. Wilkie
(Feel free to set it to music, musicians.)

I'm headed straight for instant fame
This time tomorrow you will know my name
I'm gonna be a famous writer man
I'll stir it up however I can

I'll throw in buzzwords like Skull and Bones
They'll all record it on their camera phones
If Chris Crocker can have his day
You just wait until the world hears me say

Don't tase me, bro
Don't tase me, bro
I'm attention seekin'
They think I'm free speakin'
Don't tase me, bro
Yeah, I'm resistin' arrest
and I'm here to protest
Don't tase me, bro

Scream like a girl when the cops throw me down
Show up on Leno as the world's latest clown
Calculated spin-off: it'll spark some debate
about excessive force and a fascist state

I'll be the top story on Google News
Get me an agent for my interviews
Grab the attention of the media hounds
Across the world you will hear the sounds

of

Don't tase me, bro
Don't tase me, bro
That shock really hurt
You wanna buy a T-shirt?
Don't tase me, bro
It's all part of the plan
a famous writer, man
Don't tase me, bro