A Little Less Vitriolic

I don't have much to add to the conversation on the events of this weekend, other than crazy people will find a way to be crazy, with or without "vitriolic political discourse" and with or without guns.

I'm no Gadsden Flag waver. I actually prefer the Washington's Cruisers design. But I might fly this new one I made for my countrymen prone to party in the tea way.

Originally posted at Radio Free Babylon, which may soon become the only place I blog.

The Onion - Not Trying to Be Viral - Just Doing It

Consistently better comedy than you'll find on TV - and now it's coming to TV January 21st on IFC, the Independent Film Channel. Hope that doesn't kill the mojo.

It's like Mad Magazine for adults, The Onion almost always does great humor, the kind you pass around to friends, making it....oh what's that word everyone wants to be...ah yes, VIRAL! But too many marketers don't understand that you can't just "make" a viral item, be it a video, cartoon, image or whatever. It has to have a reason to be viral, like humor or thought or intrigue. And all too often someone's idea of what should be viral is not the public's idea. If you try too hard you won't succeed. Remember that old phrase they tried to kick to the curb, "Content is King?" It's true.

There are agencies out there that will claim they can create viral buzz for your brand. Most of the time, they can get all their employees to tweet and blog about something they did for your brand, and they might bump you up the Digg rankings, but in the end a media push gets sniffed out and people don't fall for it. Here's a guy writing a column about how to create a viral buzz. The first commenter comes along and nails it: viral just happens, you don't create it. Yeah, that's what I said.

See below for a good example of what could be viral, at least for a two-day stretch in late November in the US.

You Won't Find This Story Anywhere Else

Because the left wing, in-the-tank, mainstream media is in love with Obama and won't tell you the facts!

As every gentleman knows, when walking with a person of the opposite gender down a sidewalk, the man always takes the street side. This is to protect the woman from possible mud splashing created by passing vehicles rolling through puddles, as well as to fend off the stares and advances of the ravenous menfolk who drive by, never shy about expressing their appreciation for females through various grunts and gestures.

Here is Barack Obama walking with his daughter in Chicago on Halloween evening. I wish I had seen this before I voted.

Secret Service Agents for McCain

I don't know for a fact that ALL secret service agents vote the same way, but I suspect they would much rather deal with a McCain presidency than an Obama presidency. McCain's youngest kid is 16, whereas Obama's youngest kid is 7. That means some poor secret service agent is going to have to spend the next four years in elementary school. That job would suck.

George Washington Knows How to Win Wars

Production values weren't much in 1789, but the message delivery was about the same as today. Paint the opposition as "soft on terror/crime/national defense" and you're halfway there.

Bill Green of Make the Logo Bigger and I have unearthed this rough-hewn gem from the George Washington campaign. It's a simple tale that unfolds like some flannelgraph Sunday School story, the basic theme of which is, "The Torries Won't Keep you Safe, My Friends."

Stephen Douglas Down in Polls - Goes Negative

Like many of us, Bill Green at Make the Logo Bigger has lost his mind this election season. So in a fit of dementia (and after a bottle of absinthe that conjured hallucinations of past American presidential elections) Bill wrote and produced this spot for Stephen Douglas' struggling campaign of 1860. I then voiced it with a head cold for the modest sum of $500 Confederate Dollars.



Nice working with you, Bill.

This is post #1,111 at Where's My Jetpack?

Call Me By My Ninja Name

Click for the big kick

Oh, Man - We're an Angry Country

Here's my second installment of "The Spin," the comic created by commenters on America's insanely partisan blogs. The woman with the ponytail gets her words from The Huffington Post, a far left spot, while the woman with the shorter hair gets her words from Town Hall, equally far right. (Yes, that's the classic Microsoft "Bliss" image in the background, a not-so-subtle wish that this stuff could ratchet down a couple notches.)

Click for the bigness

This new series was inspired by the purchase of some Frisbees yesterday.

My Head is Spinning - A Comic from Comments

I bought two Frisbees today. (A house can never have too many Frisbees.) I scanned the back of the package and made a comic out of the instructions that show you how to throw a Frisbee. (And what is Wham-O thinking with those instructions, printing them in French? Are they trying to hurt their sales in red states?)

It's called "The Spin."

Here's the fun part: the woman's words are copied and pasted verbatim from commenters at Fox News, while the man's words come directly from comments made at Huffington Post.

This shit makes itself up.

Click for super-size

More to come, if I know me.

YouTube in 1801

The Better To See Russia From Alaska With

Gots to click it if you wants to read it

Lunchtime in Harlem

Reports suggest Bill Clinton and Barack Obama will be meeting for lunch this week. Here’s how it might go down.

BC: So, now you come crawlin’, huh, son?
BO: It’s good to see you, Mr. President.
BC: Cut the crap, Barry. And I’m calling you Barry, so get used to it.
BO: I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.
BC: You damn well better.
BO: I do.

"I need the Mick Jagger Bill Clinton. The ladies throwing their panties onstage Clinton."

BC: You’re in a world of shit, son.
BO: Can I speak candidly?
BC: Wish you would. Cheeseburger? Onion rings?
BO: No, thank you.
BC: Chicken? Meatball sub?
BO: No, sir. Thank you.
BC: What’s on your mind?
BO: I need the Clinton magic.
BC: Hillary’s out there right now, doin’ her thing for you.
BO: And I appreciate that, Mr. President, but I need you.
BC: How do you mean?
BO: You’ve got a way with the ladies. And they’re leaving me for Palin.
BC: Ain’t she somethin’? Damn! Ol’ John blindsided you, didn’t he?
BO: She’s a fake! A phony! A manufactured cardboard cutout!
BC: Who isn’t, Barry? You want some pizza? A taco?
BO: No, thank you.
BC: Pasta? Banana cream pie?
BO: I don’t have much of an appetite lately.
BC: You’re lookin’ pretty gaunt. And gay, to be honest.
BO: I’m on a tightrope. I can’t attack her, and I can’t keep letting her steal the thunder.
BC: Thunder’s done gone, son. But you’re right—tight spot. But you gotta stop lookin’ like a whiny bitch.
BO: Can you help me?
BC: What do you have in mind?
BO: I need the Mick Jagger Bill Clinton. The ladies throwing their panties onstage Clinton.
BC: Heh, heh, heh, heh. Think that’ll quiet down the Hockey Mama Drama?
BO: It can at least distract them. Do the lip bite. Do the eyes welling with tears thing. The voice crack.
BC: And you're prepared to offer me what in return?
BO: UN Ambassador? Secretary of State? What do you want?
BC: Supreme Court for Hillary. Ambassador to Switzerland for Chelsea.
BO: Done. What about you?
BC: I just wanna be buddies, Barry. I wanna hang out, go to barbecues together, watch some football, drink some beer, shoot some hoops. Just quit leavin’ me on the sidelines, man. I can help.
BO: Done, sir.
BC: I’ll head down South for you this weekend. Hit some county fairs and church suppers and get your mojo back. Salad?
BO: Yes, please. And thank you.


For those who enjoy coincidence, today is 9/9/8 - and this is post #998 on Where's My Jetpack?

Campaign Posters from the Other Side

The political short-order cooks are working double shifts of late, sweating in the kitchen as they turn this election season into a vomitorium of bad taste, unseemly innuendo and blatant lies. Throw in a little Sean Hannity, a dash of "Take America Back for God," and a pinch of leftover 60s radicalism and you've got the makings for a really foul smelling melting pot. What we've been served is a big steaming platter of political junk food, free of nutrients and loaded with crap. "Eat up, kids! Clean your plates! You know, there are people in Africa starving for democracy."

So why fight it anymore? I'm going to join the fray.

Imagine if we let Karl Rove create posters for Obama. Or what if we let David Axelrod create posters for McCain? They'd probably look something like these. (Click for larger versions.)

Must I Do Your Work For You, Karl Rove?

Come on, dudes - this one was so easy. You can't let images of Obama looking young and fit, athletic and cool crisscross the globe without some quick counter-strikes. This one's on me, since I like Churchills and Obama apparently didn't use any.

Click for Big Surf

And Now, A National Snapshot

I've noticed that the talking heads and political pundits are multiplying on TV. There are a dozen on every news show, and they all parrot each other. I've watched enough that I think I now qualify as a talking head and political pundit on TV.

My turn:

• Blacks who voted for Clinton in 92 or 96 and who attend church favor Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who voted for Bush in 92 or Dole in 96 and don’t attend church are really hard to find, but they favor Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who think Obama was uncool toward his pastor and is acting out of political expediency support Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who think Bill Clinton was “the first black president” support Obama by 90%.
• Blacks who think Hillary Clinton’s use of a John Mellencamp song as her stump speech background music is really stupid support Obama by 90%.
• Whites who secretly hate black people support Clinton by 51%.
• Whites who want us to “move beyond discussions of race” are obviously white.
• Blue collar, rural whites are perplexed that every four years people act like they care about them.
• Republicans are voting for McCain, even though they don’t like him.
• Conservative evangelicals feel neglected this year. McCain will win them in the end on a single issue.
• White, rural, college-educated, female, lesbian, blue collar Christians are just really interesting, independent and very hard to pin down. I think they are the key swing voters this year.
  

ABC News, with George Stuffinenvelopes

Guess I'm not alone in thinking that Wednesday's debate on ABC reached a new low, even for American political coverage. It's not politics anymore, it's Who Wants To Be a President.

Even Terrorists Need a Vacation

(Nassau, The Bahamas) The Tourism Board of The Bahamas has unveiled a new ad campaign that seeks to lure Palestinians to the Caribbean island chain.

"There's a lot of money being spent in Mediterranean tourist destinations," said Neko Grant, Minister of Tourism and Aviation, "And in the spirit of friendly competition that is common in the tourism industry, we will seek to draw those visitors to our tropical paradise."

The new campaign plays on the similarities between the name of the country and the name of a well-known and largely reviled militant Muslim organization. Asked if his country was perhaps being insensitive to the concerns of Israel or other entities opposed to Hamas, Minister Grant said, "We did some focus group testing among pro-Israelis. It wasn't pretty. But I like the joke the ads make. It's kind of cute, don't you think? Perhaps we will do another later that targets the people of Israel. I'm just riffing here, but how about something like The Bahamas...Iz really fun!"

Previously in Fake Bahamian Tourism News
Bahamas Changes Name

Stupid Obama Clones

I saw a picture in the paper yesterday of a bunch of NATO leaders getting ready for a group photo. Standing at center was a very lonely looking President Bush. I almost felt bad for him. He was like some outcast and friendless child.

Then I realized what was really going on.




Click to Supersize

It's 3 AM, and Hope is For Fools

Spin to Win. What Senator Clinton is really saying in that 3AM ad, with the ominous voiceover, spooky music and Ms. Clinton appearing at perfect calm with this troubled world in the end, wearing her new Tina Fey smarty glasses.

I've had enough of the spin, so I put my own audio on Hillary's now famous/infamous ad.



DISCLAIMER: I'm not an Obamaton. I'm just an observer at this point.