I Was Wrong About This Guy

A long time ago I gave Dennis Miller a hard time. I still believe that the "Just For Men" thing in the beard was bad and made him look like a Saudi royal walking through a flowerbed holding hands with George W. Bush, but I have adjusted my views on his talents. I thought of Miller in the same way you think of a washed-up rock act that turns to country music because it's easy money; kind of like what Skynyrd is doing hanging around with Hannity. I thought, "Oh, failed comedian turns to the right wing for an audience that will lap up some easy jokes and give him a paycheck."

He didn't work out on Monday Night Football, where his obscure cultural references and intellectually-tinged asides were lost on his co-hosts and most of the audience. He didn't work out in his own late-night TV talk show. So it seemed like Dennis was grabbing for whatever he could when he showed up as a right-leaning talk-radio host.

But I've been listening to him every day during "exercise time" on the Blowflex out in the garage, and the guy - as he himself might say - "has some chops." He still has that funny habit of referring to men as "cats" and addressing women as "doll-face," but those idiosyncrasies are as endearing as they are goofy and they're part of the Miller shtick. What makes his show unique is that he (for the most part) refuses to tow the party line. He still comes from a conservative POV and is as critical as any pundit on the right of the administration and its allies in Congress, but he won't do the knee-jerk thing, and more importantly, he doesn't stoop to the demonizing rhetoric so popular among his right-side cohorts like Hannity, Crowley, Levin, Ingraham, Savage, Beck, Bortz or Limbaugh. I think that's because he's smarter than them and can actually think through an issue or the daily talking point issued by the spin firm of Gingrich, Rove & Associates. What's more, he hasn't lost the cutting-edge humor that made him popular years ago on SNL. He's almost like a Jon Stewart for the right, where politics and entertainment meet at that great intersection called comedy. 

There need to be more Dennis Millers. He can make you think, and he will engage someone with an opposing viewpoint without calling them names or labeling them insane. It's a shame his show isn't more popular. It sure should be.

When He Wears Chuck Taylors, They Look Like Clown Shoes

Oh please, for the Love of God, click it

Jesus God Almighty, I'm hearin' some crazy talk out there in my country. Been watchin' Fox News tonight. Lock up the women, arm yourselves, and have plenty of water and gold. Obama has passed Phase One in his Eight-Phase Plan to lift Lady Liberty's dress and sodomize her with the rolled-up scroll of the Constitution out there in the harbour for all the world to see. Especially the Arabs. If we can get That Guy out of office after only Four Phases, the worst may be avoided, though you can expect that the Koran will have replaced the Bible in courtrooms nationwide. But you hold fast, friend. Brother. We will defeat this foe.  Let Freedom Ring. Let the White Dove Sing. Let the Whole World Know it's the Day of Reckoning*.


I don't think I've ever done this, but I'm gonna repost an old post, because my dear countrymen, the Prophet Beck and Patriot Hannity, deserve it. Orignally posted January 8th of this year.

Because The Four Horsemen Won't Be Bringing Food  

Glenn Beck is the new spokesman for Food Insurance, a company that wants to make sure you survive the coming tribulations with your bellies filled. And they're coming, Beck warns in a video on the company's site. He's got these little backpacks for his whole family and his staff, and they look all Swiss Army or Red Cross-like. Two weeks of freeze-dried goodness for as little as $199.99 per person. Want to feed a family of five for an entire year? Only $9,299.99. Financing available.

Now I'm all for being prepared, but Glenn and his pals are turning preparedness into an industry that preys on the fearful and misinformed. Make sure you have plenty of gold coins so you can trade with other survivors for essentials like old issues of Town Hall Magazine and Sarah Palin's book.

So take note, all you marauders, murderers, pillagers, rapists and zombies out there planning on surviving the destruction: just look for the people with the black and red backpacks with the fork icon on them. That means "food" and you can steal them at gunpoint as they flee the city in their Hummers and Escalades.

* Lyrics from Sean Hannity's theme song.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon

None Dare Call it Astroturfing

A Li'l Bigger

Actual signs from the Glenn Beck, Dick Armey, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Fox News inspired "march on Washington" on Saturday. See more signs here.

Grass roots, my ass. And please quit with the inflated crowd estimates. Media outlets are saying between 60 and 70 thousand showed up. Organizers of the event claim 1.5 million. That's a pretty huge discrepancy. Of course, those media outlets are "mainstream," aren't they? Can't believe them.

"Angry Mob" set is from McPhee.

Be a Tea Bag Designer in Your Spare Time

A career with a promising future in today's America is banner ad designer for the right wing mob. I just threw this one together in about five minutes. I think it says everything they want me to say.

I love how the mob yells, "Do you want the government deciding who your doctor is? Do you want the government deciding what procedures you can get?"

Well, right now United Healthcare decides those things for me...at an exorbitant rate.

Or this is one of their favorites: "What has the government ever run right?"

Aren't these the same folks that love "our men and women in uniform" more than you or me? I'm pretty sure they'd have a hard time saying the military, a government entity, is shoddily run.

Now I need to make one showing him as the foreign-born Muslim prince boy, puppet of the Illuminati, destroyer of all we hold dear. Crushing baby skulls and lifting the dress of Lady Liberty while he urinates on Old Glory. Yeah.

OMG, That Was Sooo Hard - A Course in Journalism

The Fringe Right is becoming the New Right, and the "journalists" among them (namely WND, the nauseating, faux-Christian brainchild of Joseph Farah) are bent on proving that Barack Hussein Obama is the Muslim love-child of Malcolm X or a Kenyan Superman engineered by the Illuminati to bring destruction to Liberty and Freedom in order to pave the way for the One-World Government that will rape your women and take your guns and put you in jail to become the lobotomized, branded slaves of the Antichrist. (The raping, of course, will be done by bio-engineered Super Negroes. 666, don't ya know.)

They like to claim that Obama has no right to be President, since he, according to them, has not produced a birth certificate that passes their scrutiny, and most of them are experts in old documents and antiquities, of course. So it only stands to reason that any law that Obama passes is not law, since he is an illegitimately elected head-of-state. Soldiers do not have to carry out his orders, since he is a fraud. These people have come to be known as "birthers," and they are not going away anytime soon.

I'm not a journalist, but I can do a Google search and very quickly find the following August, 1961 birth announcement in the Honolulu Advertiser. Maybe the fine citizens waving flags and shouting shit should go home and do some research, instead of getting all of their "facts" from echo-chambers of like-minded fear-mongers pretending not to be racists. ("Don't call me a racist! Some of my best friends are black!")

click for the larger

I of course can already predict that the birthers will call this a forgery as well; some hastily manufactured, Photoshopped fake ordered by the fast-acting spin-doctor tools of Obama and the One-Worlders.

So maybe, just maybe, there is a dusty old copy of this rag in someone's garage, basement or attic in Hawai'i. How about it, ancient Hawaiians or children/grandchildren of Old Islanders? (White Kansan wives of guest-student Kenyans accepted.) We need to put these idiots out of their misery and let them find a new rumor to hang their hopes on.

Losers never looked so sore.

UPDATE: As expected, the WND Birther Brigade says the above announcement proves nothing.

Let's Just Split This Country in Half Already

And we can have our own restaurants that cater to our own particular political leanings.

I hear rumblings among the Newt lovers and Hannity lobotomites that they're going to "let their voices be heard" to Applebee's, as they did not appreciate the comic stylings of Wanda Sykes at the White House Correspondents' dinner. Sykes is a spokesperson for Applebee's, or at least she does their voiceovers.

If you want to boycott Applebee's, do it because their food sucks. Maybe I will boycott Ruth's Chris because Hannity does live-reads for them.

Idiots.

You're a Great American

Make your own at Obamiconme.

A Nation of Immigrants

Hey, Hannity! They barely speak English, but they love their country.

Patriotism is alive in one of the most neglected yet colorful areas of Miami. This in-progress American mural graces a wall in Little Haiti.

mas grande

I'm hoping the artist eventually puts some lapels on that Mister Rogers sweater Obama's wearing, turning it into a proper jacket.

Your Refuge From Super Bowl Ad Analysis

Bigness

This is that time of year when our colleagues in Europe, South America, Asia and everywhere else say to each other, "Fucking Americans. They think the Super Bowl stops the world and is the end-all showcase of good stuff. I don't know about you guys, but I got work to do." The more indignant of the group say, "We must resist the strident dogma and imperialistic designs of the American advertising culture! Rise up, brothers! Fight!"

It's now beyond stupid. Sean Hannity was previewing Super Bowl ads on his show and telling us which ones are good.

There is more than enough Super Bowl ad review, tweeting and blogging going on without me weighing in as well to give you one more OPINION on what worked and what didn't. Or what will work, since many of the ads are now pre-screening at your favorite ad blog right now.

I will watch the game. I will watch the commercials. I will not update my Facebook status with "Coke ad very funny!" nor will I be live-blogging the spots. I won't join in the pointless debate about who made best use of their $300 zillion 30-second buy.

Who cares? And what do any of us know? I'm just going to enjoy the show, the spectacle, the joke that is now the battle for the Vince Lombardi Trophy. I will also attempt to stomach the halftime show, with God's gift to songwriting weighing in on how to fix America. We sit at your feet, Bruce Almighty, awaiting your instructions. What? Love one another? You are such a genius! (That's just my opinion.)

If you are not the Super Bowl watching type and want to get away to see a movie in a likely-empty theater, I suggest Gran Torino. Saw it yesterday afternoon. It's Eastwood as we like him: Badass. Even at 78, the guy is cool. I know the movie got ripped by many critics who thought it was "ham-fisted" and telegraphed, but those are just opinions from critics. You'll like it or you won't. Just like Super Bowl ads. In this instant-analysis social media era, we're all nothing more than a smörgåsbord of critics and pundits. You've got your followers and you've got the ones you follow.

But it's a damned ugly car...if you ask me.

Direct Mail I Failed to Throw Away

I got this in the mail during the election season, when the unrepentant Karl Rove blow-up doll Sean Hannity was hyping it as a tool against Obama. I just uncovered it under a pile of papers. Now seems like a good time to watch it.

Obama Looking for People Who've Never Seen a Computer

...to help run his administration.
Here's one of the questions from the incoming administration's lengthy questionnaire for potential employees:

Electronic communications: If you have ever sent an electronic communication, including but not limited to an email, text message or instant message, that could suggest a conflict of interest or be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the president-elect if it were made public, please describe.

So, assuming everyone guilty goes to the bottom of the pile, that leaves only Ted Stevens and John McCain to help Obama run the country.

Hannity: HEY! He can't even lift his arms to comb his hair! It's not his fault he can't use a computer!
Jetpacks: STFU, Sean.

Via 23/6.

The Content of His Character

Note: This post was prompted by an email forward from a guy I knew years ago who has just discovered the Internet and now blasts "hilarious" emails to everyone. It was another in a long series of emails that basically feature Obama as the fried chicken watermelon guy who's gonna rape your white women.


Happy Birthday to my Dad, pictured here in Vietnam in his way-too-cool shades, rifle across his lap and out the window of a Huey helicopter, as a brother fuels the chopper up. The two guys in that photo above are Americans.

I was raised on military installations, where your neighbors are whomever the government randomly decides, and your schoolmates are of every nationality this country has ever welcomed to its shores. The US military is a microcosm of that "great society" we strive to be, and my Dad taught me early that a man's worth is measured by the honor he brings to his job or how he acts when no one is watching, and little else. If a white, black, red, brown or yellow man can have a good attitude while shoveling shit, (or fueling a helicopter) then he's a guy worth knowing.

There's been a bunch of talk this election season about race, and I think a lot of it comes from people who've never lived among other races. You've got your white liberals from predominantly white areas who want to vote for Obama. But whites who live in mixed-race areas have countered, "That's because you don't know what it's like to live among blacks!" And there are the whites and blacks who will vote for Obama BECAUSE he's black.

For many blacks, voting for Obama is a matter of identity and pride. I understand that. Who wouldn't be proud of Obama's candidacy, given our history? But for many whites, voting for Obama becomes a matter of proving to themselves and their friends that they are open-minded and free-thinking. That's wrongheaded and ignorant. Your anti-racism actually becomes racism in a roundabout way. And among the white talking-head class, you may have noticed that blacks don't get credit for weighing the character of the candidates. It is assumed that they'd vote for Obama just as soon as they'd vote for Flavor Flav. It's assumed that blacks vote en masse, no matter what. (And we haven't even touched the Black-Brown or Yellow-Black animosities and voting patterns of America.)

I go back to what my Dad taught me. We should measure a man on how he approaches his shitty job. Does he have a good attitude while doing the lowliest of low-paying jobs, like community organizing? Or does he expect favor and special treatment because of who he is and where he comes from, like maybe the privileged son of an admiral who crashes planes on a regular basis?

I was one of a few whites who attended a mostly black church in the Midwest for about a year. I went to the pastor's house for Christmas dinner. From the pulpit the pastor invited all who didn't have a place to enjoy Christmas dinner to come to his house. As the only white guy at the pastor's family dinner, I was out of place. I was interrupting. Everyone accepted me and everyone was nice, but I was the sore thumb sticking out. I had forced myself into a situation that would've been much more comfortable without me there. My point is that we are naturally more comfortable among people who are like us, which is why we've had racial tension since the beginning of time. It's the way we're wired. It's natural. We gravitate toward people who look like us. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

But America is different. When they wrote, "All men are created equal," they pried open a giant can of worms we are still unprepared to deal with. We're getting better, but we still have our neighborhoods where it is better for us if we look like most of the people who live there. It will likely always be that way, but Americans are free to mingle, free to get to know each other, free to find out that what exists under the skin is the same in all peoples. We should take ourselves outside of our comfort zones as often as possible. We may retreat to our comfortable areas at day's end after working eight hours with people of all colors, but we are better people for those eight hours.

Until we force Americans of different races to live together, as the US military does, we must learn to understand each other while recognizing and celebrating our differences. You don't need to move to a white neighborhood in order to "understand" white people, but when you approach that white person at work as a person and not a white person, you're on your way. Measure him by how he approaches the shittiest of jobs. What's his character? What's his attitude? Can you see him as your friend? Can you see him not as white or black, but rather as dishonorable or honorable?

This election has been eye-opening in the way it has polarized America, and while I respect and encourage a healthy debate on the issues, I'm quite done with the dishonorable, racist bastards of my country who will veil their arguments against Obama in terms of communism, socialism and terrorism, (I'm talking to you, Irish, racist, dishonorable jackass Sean Hannity) but whose real and fundamental discomfort with the man is his color. You can disagree with his policies, you can disagree with his approach to governing, you can disagree with the people he has brushed shoulders with in the past, but as long as you forward emails that suggest Obama is some Watermelon-Eating, Tap-Dancing, Shoe-Shining Nigger Antichrist, well, it shows me you don't really understand America at all.

Fair and Balanced

I like to keep an ear to both sides of the politically biased reporting. I listen to right wing radio to and from work. (Finding a left wing radio show in this market is very hard unless you have XM.) I go to crazy leftist sites like Huffington Post and 23/6, and I check in on the equally partisan Red State, Free Republic and Town Hall. In the evening, I like to switch around and get a dose of Matthews and Olbermann along with Hannity and O'Reilly.

And of all the places I have the option to listen to or participate in, the ones that squawk the most about bias are the right wingers. Daily they decry the unbalanced reporting of "the mainstream media" and those who are "in the tank." They act as though they are broadcasting on pirate wavelengths or short wave. They have a siege mentality that belies their stated objectivity. They thrive on the "us against them" game. They are haters and dividers.

Sean Hannity just renewed a multi-million dollar, multi-year deal with Fox. Limbaugh did the same with his affiliates. Apparently, they have a huge audience. But if any of their fellow broadcasters or columnists dare to say a nice thing about the other side, they are instantly shunned and treated as traitors.

There are just as many right wing, utterly biased sources for news and commentary as there are left. Quit yer bitchin', ya big babies. If I want to hear people getting a thrill up their leg for Obama, I know where to go. If I want to hear a bunch of old limp dicks who suddenly got boners for Sarah Palin, I know where to find that as well.

There are two mediums in America now. They are equal. Give yourself some credit, right wingers. You built Fox and revived AM radio and now your people have a place to go if they want one-sided attack journalism. You ARE mainstream. To act as though you are "outsiders" is disingenuous at best.

If I want truly non-partisan, fair and balanced coverage, I know where to go: CSPAN.

Obama - Eye for Detail

When you're this far ahead in the polls, with even Hannity wringing his hands and Limbaugh parroting the far right fringe fantasy that Obama is really a Muslim Kenyan Socialist, and he's only in Hawaii so he can kill his grandmother before she leaks his Big Secret, it might be easy to get complacent. Not Obama, he's got his hand in everything.

Click for the Big

Joe The Plumber - The Real Story

Thank God for YouTube. Here's the full "confrontation" between Joe The Plumber and Barack Obama. Sean Hannity will never let you see this.



There goes your "socialist" argument, Right Wing Propagandists. For almost six minutes, Obama explains to Joe The Plumber the intricacies of his tax plan. It's long and boring, but it shows how insane this campaign has become, where the phrase "spread the wealth around" is lifted to prove that Obama is a Commie.

Gimme a fuckin' break.

Straight Talk, my ass, Johnny. You're a sad, little shadow of the imaginary character you used to pretend to be.

Rush Hour Traffic Alert for Central Florida

A long time ago, when Obama was hurting in his bid against Senator Clinton, I made the unwise decision to send his campaign an email suggesting some strategic and tactical moves they might employ. Big mistake. Now I'm on a mailing list that brings me at least three emails a day, all very friendly and personalized and almost always concluding with, "And can we have $5?"

I've yet to send a single dollar and I'm sure I won't, but I remain on the list out of curiosity and as a student of politics and marketing. Last night I got an email from Big BO himself! Barry said, "Hi, Dave! I'm going to be in Orlando tomorrow! Hope you can come out! Event is at 6 pm, but try to get there at 3 pm."

He'll be at the Amway Arena of all places. Ugh. Amway.

RSVP to Barry: Uh, sorry. Can't make it. Something suddenly came up*. I'll be avoiding that crazy mad throng of worshipers, all throwing their babies on your altar in some sort of orgiastic satanic-socialist cult-of-personality ritual while you and your frothing band of America haters and welfare recipients try to besmirch the good name and solid reputation of Her Holiness, Sister Sarah of Alaska (and her running mate, that old guy she will replace as soon as he breathes his last come January). And I'm not interested in a "management opportunity" in your "new business" either, you multilevel marketing community organizer.

As a public service, I've created this traffic map for my fellow citizens, effective from now (2:45 pm) until tomorrow morning at 5:30 am.

• Red: Pack your dinner and plenty of water. Hope you have a Pringles can to pee in or you're wearing Space Diapers. You'll be stuck in this mess for hours to come. Resistance is futile. Might as well just accept his rule, since he rules your next 12 hours anyway.
  
• Orange: Have you ever seen so many Obama bumper stickers on one commute? To avoid confrontation, McCain supporters are urged to keep their eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel. Do not make eye contact with The Obama People.
  
• Yellow: As you curse the socialist mob and their antichrist messiah for ruining your evening, tune in to Sean Hannity for cathartic release. Violence is not an option and you will only end up in jail. Then again, if you're a true patriot in the Hannity tradition...well, I think Sean would understand if you were forced to show your love for your country by vandalizing Obama cars and screaming wildly at the occupants.

* Friends of Maureen know what I mean.

The Spin is at Critical Mass

And I'll just leave it at that. We can let this cartoon do the talking. It's called , "CAPT John Sidney McCain III, USN (Ret.) Meets with his Troops."

Never let it be said again that John McCain doesn't know how to win a war.

Click for the super size

If you aren't disgusted with that has happened in the last couple of days courtesy of Rove, Limbaugh, Medved, Fox News, Hannity and McCain's other assorted students of Goebbels, you should maybe find a time machine and go live in another era.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon

Friend of Terrorists, Baby Killer, Wants to Give Your House to an Undeserving Black Family

As the ship starts to sink, the old Navy veteran is not going to go down easily. It starts tonight on "Hannity's America," a show that is told what to broadcast by Karl Rove, and it will get louder through November 4th, when the last gurgles are heard from this laughably unprofessional and shamelessly dishonorable campaign.

Click it and print it, post it in your yard and wait for it to get stolen

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon

McCain-Hillary '08

Following her Miss South Carolina performance with Katie Couric, it's hard to find a single pundit outside of Limbaugh or Hannity who still thinks Sarah Palin was a good choice for McCain, with some people suggesting she drop off the ticket to "spend more time with her family."

Here's what it looks like over at Johnny Mac HQ.

Click for big! Print it! Collect them all and trade with your friends!

You're Right, Hannity - Journalism is Dead

Watch it and weep—with laughter. Not for Todd Palin's answers, he's a normal guy doing what he has to do, but for Greta Van Sustern's absolute empty-headedness.



Via Wonkette.