I Was Wrong About This Guy

A long time ago I gave Dennis Miller a hard time. I still believe that the "Just For Men" thing in the beard was bad and made him look like a Saudi royal walking through a flowerbed holding hands with George W. Bush, but I have adjusted my views on his talents. I thought of Miller in the same way you think of a washed-up rock act that turns to country music because it's easy money; kind of like what Skynyrd is doing hanging around with Hannity. I thought, "Oh, failed comedian turns to the right wing for an audience that will lap up some easy jokes and give him a paycheck."

He didn't work out on Monday Night Football, where his obscure cultural references and intellectually-tinged asides were lost on his co-hosts and most of the audience. He didn't work out in his own late-night TV talk show. So it seemed like Dennis was grabbing for whatever he could when he showed up as a right-leaning talk-radio host.

But I've been listening to him every day during "exercise time" on the Blowflex out in the garage, and the guy - as he himself might say - "has some chops." He still has that funny habit of referring to men as "cats" and addressing women as "doll-face," but those idiosyncrasies are as endearing as they are goofy and they're part of the Miller shtick. What makes his show unique is that he (for the most part) refuses to tow the party line. He still comes from a conservative POV and is as critical as any pundit on the right of the administration and its allies in Congress, but he won't do the knee-jerk thing, and more importantly, he doesn't stoop to the demonizing rhetoric so popular among his right-side cohorts like Hannity, Crowley, Levin, Ingraham, Savage, Beck, Bortz or Limbaugh. I think that's because he's smarter than them and can actually think through an issue or the daily talking point issued by the spin firm of Gingrich, Rove & Associates. What's more, he hasn't lost the cutting-edge humor that made him popular years ago on SNL. He's almost like a Jon Stewart for the right, where politics and entertainment meet at that great intersection called comedy. 

There need to be more Dennis Millers. He can make you think, and he will engage someone with an opposing viewpoint without calling them names or labeling them insane. It's a shame his show isn't more popular. It sure should be.

Father, Forgive Them...

...for they know only what they hear on right wing radio.

When He Wears Chuck Taylors, They Look Like Clown Shoes

Oh please, for the Love of God, click it

Jesus God Almighty, I'm hearin' some crazy talk out there in my country. Been watchin' Fox News tonight. Lock up the women, arm yourselves, and have plenty of water and gold. Obama has passed Phase One in his Eight-Phase Plan to lift Lady Liberty's dress and sodomize her with the rolled-up scroll of the Constitution out there in the harbour for all the world to see. Especially the Arabs. If we can get That Guy out of office after only Four Phases, the worst may be avoided, though you can expect that the Koran will have replaced the Bible in courtrooms nationwide. But you hold fast, friend. Brother. We will defeat this foe.  Let Freedom Ring. Let the White Dove Sing. Let the Whole World Know it's the Day of Reckoning*.


I don't think I've ever done this, but I'm gonna repost an old post, because my dear countrymen, the Prophet Beck and Patriot Hannity, deserve it. Orignally posted January 8th of this year.

Because The Four Horsemen Won't Be Bringing Food  

Glenn Beck is the new spokesman for Food Insurance, a company that wants to make sure you survive the coming tribulations with your bellies filled. And they're coming, Beck warns in a video on the company's site. He's got these little backpacks for his whole family and his staff, and they look all Swiss Army or Red Cross-like. Two weeks of freeze-dried goodness for as little as $199.99 per person. Want to feed a family of five for an entire year? Only $9,299.99. Financing available.

Now I'm all for being prepared, but Glenn and his pals are turning preparedness into an industry that preys on the fearful and misinformed. Make sure you have plenty of gold coins so you can trade with other survivors for essentials like old issues of Town Hall Magazine and Sarah Palin's book.

So take note, all you marauders, murderers, pillagers, rapists and zombies out there planning on surviving the destruction: just look for the people with the black and red backpacks with the fork icon on them. That means "food" and you can steal them at gunpoint as they flee the city in their Hummers and Escalades.

* Lyrics from Sean Hannity's theme song.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon

Because The Four Horsemen Won't Be Bringing Food

Glenn Beck is the new spokesman for Food Insurance, a company that wants to make sure you survive the coming tribulations with your bellies filled. And they're coming, Beck warns in a video on the company's site. He's got these little backpacks for his whole family and his staff, and they look all Swiss Army or Red Cross-like. Two weeks of freeze-dried goodness for as little as $199.99 per person. Want to feed a family of five for an entire year? Only $9,299.99. Financing available.

Now I'm all for being prepared, but Glenn and his pals are turning preparedness into an industry that preys on the fearful and misinformed. Make sure you have plenty of gold coins so you can trade with other survivors for essentials like old issues of Town Hall Magazine and Sarah Palin's book.

So take note, all you marauders, murderers, pillagers, rapists and zombies out there planning on surviving the destruction: just look for the people with the black and red backpacks with the fork icon on them. That means "food" and you can steal them at gunpoint as they flee the city in their Hummers and Escalades.

Click for the big

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Tea Party Patriots

bigger

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

The MSN Janitor Reaches The Sacred Chambers

Apocalyptic Proportions

Previously in this twisted series:

Revenge of the Google Janitor

The Google Janitor Defects to MSN

Stay In School, Tommy

Class: We are about to watch a message from the government about being a good citizen in school. If anyone does not wish to watch this film, you are excused if you have a note from your parents. Some of your parents have sent me angry letters accusing me of wanting to indoctrinate you into a strange ideology and change your way of thinking because of this film. Personally, and this is only my opinion, kids, some of your parents are really retarded.

I'm sorry. I meant "severely mentally handicapped."



Did you catch that part at the end about multiculturalism? The Italian girl does a folk dance? Fuckin' commies!

This is My Rifle

Make the Image Bigger

Note: This is not a Second Amendment statement. I'm fine with guns. It's a statement on the idiocy of people who bring loaded weapons to town hall meetings about healthcare.

Original 1967 ad found here.

What Does Obama Want?

Depends who you ask.




More alarming, what should Obama do?



Oh, this is getting interesting. Let's let Magic Google finish this statement:



It's worse than you thought, people.

Land of the Spin, Home of the Talking Point

I don't know how they can even call it a debate anymore. It's beyond hopeless. If you're not disgusted, you're not paying attention. I need a long vacation away from my country. When I come back, I fully expect it will be worse.

Click for the larger, stealable version.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Be a Tea Bag Designer in Your Spare Time

A career with a promising future in today's America is banner ad designer for the right wing mob. I just threw this one together in about five minutes. I think it says everything they want me to say.

I love how the mob yells, "Do you want the government deciding who your doctor is? Do you want the government deciding what procedures you can get?"

Well, right now United Healthcare decides those things for me...at an exorbitant rate.

Or this is one of their favorites: "What has the government ever run right?"

Aren't these the same folks that love "our men and women in uniform" more than you or me? I'm pretty sure they'd have a hard time saying the military, a government entity, is shoddily run.

Now I need to make one showing him as the foreign-born Muslim prince boy, puppet of the Illuminati, destroyer of all we hold dear. Crushing baby skulls and lifting the dress of Lady Liberty while he urinates on Old Glory. Yeah.

Fair and Balanced

I like to keep an ear to both sides of the politically biased reporting. I listen to right wing radio to and from work. (Finding a left wing radio show in this market is very hard unless you have XM.) I go to crazy leftist sites like Huffington Post and 23/6, and I check in on the equally partisan Red State, Free Republic and Town Hall. In the evening, I like to switch around and get a dose of Matthews and Olbermann along with Hannity and O'Reilly.

And of all the places I have the option to listen to or participate in, the ones that squawk the most about bias are the right wingers. Daily they decry the unbalanced reporting of "the mainstream media" and those who are "in the tank." They act as though they are broadcasting on pirate wavelengths or short wave. They have a siege mentality that belies their stated objectivity. They thrive on the "us against them" game. They are haters and dividers.

Sean Hannity just renewed a multi-million dollar, multi-year deal with Fox. Limbaugh did the same with his affiliates. Apparently, they have a huge audience. But if any of their fellow broadcasters or columnists dare to say a nice thing about the other side, they are instantly shunned and treated as traitors.

There are just as many right wing, utterly biased sources for news and commentary as there are left. Quit yer bitchin', ya big babies. If I want to hear people getting a thrill up their leg for Obama, I know where to go. If I want to hear a bunch of old limp dicks who suddenly got boners for Sarah Palin, I know where to find that as well.

There are two mediums in America now. They are equal. Give yourself some credit, right wingers. You built Fox and revived AM radio and now your people have a place to go if they want one-sided attack journalism. You ARE mainstream. To act as though you are "outsiders" is disingenuous at best.

If I want truly non-partisan, fair and balanced coverage, I know where to go: CSPAN.

Damn Me, I Did it Again

Tuned into Fox News, that is - and Hannity among others. The outrage, the feigned disgust, the appalled righteousness on the part of the right wing in response to liberal bloggers asking questions about Governor Palin's daughter's pregnancy is the very height of hypocrisy. Not the world's most liberal blogger, Jake Tapper of ABC, asks a great question:

"What would the response be if Sen. Barack Obama, D-Illinois, and his wife Michelle had a pregnant unmarried teenage daughter?"

I don't believe this young girl's pregnancy says anything about her mother's ability to govern, but the reaction to it, particularly from the right, says a whole lot about how we really live in two countries that will never get along. The right has their own media, the left has theirs. Those of us trying to get a glimpse of the truth have to switch back and forth and face both fronts of the propaganda storm.

It's already fractured beyond repair. I say we just split the thing down the middle.