Pick Your Poison

If you're a Fox Nut or an MSNBC Drone, this is your button today.

Rocket to the Moon and Race Right Back

To my holograph room and my new jetpack

Jetpacks are in the news of late, thanks to some Fox News hosts getting duped by Weekly World News. The verdict, here from the Mythbusters guys appearing last night on Countdown with Keith Olbermann, is that no, we won't see any jetpacks anytime soon. Yeah, I thought I said that already.

I love how the folks who developed this behemoth, screaming jetpack claim it will fly for 30 minutes at 63 mph, but you never see it flying for more than a few seconds, and always hovering at about four feet off the ground. And this is Martin's second go-round with a PR push. The first one (over two years ago) didn't generate enough buzz, I guess. Maybe because this was and still is a shitty jetpack.

With all this jetpack news, you'd think a radio station, commercial producer or someone should be playing or licensing my song at this point. 

A Discussion Over a Disc

Whether you watch it Fair and Balanced or prefer The Place for Politics, there's no getting away from The Spin. And it drifts into your own conversations, as these two dear friends discover. (Click for the large)

And on The Seventh Day, You Will Get Your Ass Up and Work

Under the job title of "Federal Emergency Relief Contractors / Special Project in South Florida," I found an intriguing call for "Cooks, Dishwashers, Food service workers, Shower operators (sanitizing showers and refilling supplies), Laundry workers, General maintenance people, Administrative assistants, Machine Operators, Project Managers (this is a higher skilled position), Janitors, Laborer, Grounds Maintenance, Washer, Machine Appliance Mechanic, General Maintenance Worker, Laborer, Driver Courier, Parking and Lot Attendant, Shuttle Bus Driver, Truck driver, Light, Truck driver, Medium, Truck driver, Heavy and Truck driver, Tractor-Trailer."

The best part of the ad was this paragraph:

Workers are expected to do any tasks assigned and work 7 days/week, 12 hour/ day – 40 hours regular time pay and 44 hours overtime pay. They must provide their own transportation to and from the work-site, and will be provided shelter, and all meals. This commitment could be up to 6 weeks or more. Workers will be paid the prevailing wage designated for each area.

So this thing is like bootcamp, or prison, except you get paid. It could also double as a sort of in-patient weight-loss or detox program and stop-smoking clinic, I'd bet.

If I was a Fox Newser, I'd cry out against the socialist nature of this Nazi Work Camp. If I was an MSNBCer, I'd glory in the Peace Corps/New Deal aspect of it all. As an unemployed writer, I see it as a story and two paychecks. Six weeeks of 84-hour weeks and free meals? Maybe a bunch of stories. I'd embed on this one.

I'm gonna apply for Laborer, Grounds Maintenance.

Rolling Stone? The Atlantic?

In the Coming Race Wars

OK, I admit it: I've been obsessing since discovering Xtranormal. I don't know where I was when this free tool was announced back in the first quarter of the year, but the thing has potential. There's something about the deadpan delivery of a flat, computer voice that makes the dialog more fun. This is a great little tool, and I'm not being paid to say this. I'm amazed by the ease of the technology. It's like they say in their tagline: "If you can type, you can make movies." You have to drag some pauses into the dialog and find body expressions (and you may have to misspell some words to make them semi-coherent and audible), but if I can do it...

I think Flash designers are the next skilled pros who might find themselves automated out of a job, going the way of the encyclopedia salesman, travel agent - and most of the rest of us. With some refining, banners will be made with this thing. And this is how storyboards will be created soon; point and click, with the client coming to us armed with her frame-by-frame idea for a commercial. "And here's where my daughter walks into the scene and announces, 'You've tried the rest...'"

My latest juvenile creation: John and Chuck addressing some current stupidity in these Untied States of America, on this First day of October, in the Year of Our Lord, Two-Thousand and Nine. (At Nine O'Clock in the evening.)



Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Land of the Spin, Home of the Talking Point

I don't know how they can even call it a debate anymore. It's beyond hopeless. If you're not disgusted, you're not paying attention. I need a long vacation away from my country. When I come back, I fully expect it will be worse.

Click for the larger, stealable version.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Ben Affleck Shoots and Scores

I have been harsh toward Ben Affleck for injecting his face into politics, as if he had some sort of sway over the process or our opinions, but this guy nailed an impression last night on SNL, redeeming himself in the eye of many, I'm sure. He can bash his own side, and he does it very well. Why this guy doesn't stick to comedy and avoid the horrendous, shitty movies he keeps making, I don't know. If you've ever watched Keith Olbermann's "Countdown" on MSNBC, you'll love this send-up.

Fair and Balanced

I like to keep an ear to both sides of the politically biased reporting. I listen to right wing radio to and from work. (Finding a left wing radio show in this market is very hard unless you have XM.) I go to crazy leftist sites like Huffington Post and 23/6, and I check in on the equally partisan Red State, Free Republic and Town Hall. In the evening, I like to switch around and get a dose of Matthews and Olbermann along with Hannity and O'Reilly.

And of all the places I have the option to listen to or participate in, the ones that squawk the most about bias are the right wingers. Daily they decry the unbalanced reporting of "the mainstream media" and those who are "in the tank." They act as though they are broadcasting on pirate wavelengths or short wave. They have a siege mentality that belies their stated objectivity. They thrive on the "us against them" game. They are haters and dividers.

Sean Hannity just renewed a multi-million dollar, multi-year deal with Fox. Limbaugh did the same with his affiliates. Apparently, they have a huge audience. But if any of their fellow broadcasters or columnists dare to say a nice thing about the other side, they are instantly shunned and treated as traitors.

There are just as many right wing, utterly biased sources for news and commentary as there are left. Quit yer bitchin', ya big babies. If I want to hear people getting a thrill up their leg for Obama, I know where to go. If I want to hear a bunch of old limp dicks who suddenly got boners for Sarah Palin, I know where to find that as well.

There are two mediums in America now. They are equal. Give yourself some credit, right wingers. You built Fox and revived AM radio and now your people have a place to go if they want one-sided attack journalism. You ARE mainstream. To act as though you are "outsiders" is disingenuous at best.

If I want truly non-partisan, fair and balanced coverage, I know where to go: CSPAN.

Fair and Balanced

...is what this guy was. Tough questions always, but never showing a partisan side. He was what Fox News claims to be. It makes you hope that out of respect for his professionalism, some of the bickering, sniping and back-biting so prevalent these days in politicking and political reporting will quiet down somewhat.

He embodied like no other what the Fourth Estate is supposed to represent: he tried to keep the lying politicians honest.

I don't take much note when well-known people pass away. I didn't know them. They're gone and that's sad for their families and friends. But with Russert, I feel like a beloved uncle has died.

Super Tuesday Drinking Game

If you participate in this game, it'd be a good idea to make sure you can take Wednesday off.

Tune your TV to MSNBC and do a shot every time:

McCain says “Follow Bin Laden to the gates of hell”

Obama says “They’ve gone through my kindergarten papers”

Huckabee says “I’m in this to the end”

Romney says “People are starting to understand”

Clinton points, cackles or says “Experience”

Chris Matthews does his double honk laugh

Olbermann does his sarcastic stare

The News Is Entertainment or Vice Versa

So there was French President Nicolas Sarkozy speaking before a joint session of Congress on CSPAN, waxing eloquently on French-American relations and his steadfast support of our over 200 year, sometimes-rickety friendship. As Nicky left the podium and walked the aisle, shaking hands and receiving congratulations, I thought I'd see what the other news outlets had to say about it.















Over on Fox News, Master of Weaselness Bill O'Reilly was getting all giddy talking about tomorrow's interview with Vince Vaughn. Vince Fucking Vaughn. Over at MSNBC, King of Weasels Keith Olbermann was pretending not to care as he salivated over the latest Britney Spears gossip. Britney Fucking Spears.

CSPAN: No commercials.
O'Reilly, Olbermann: Big pharma, auto industry, insurance, etc.

Is it any wonder this country is screwed?

Wake the fuck up, America. And I don't think I've ever said "fuck" on my blog before. But we are so fucked.