And on The Seventh Day, You Will Get Your Ass Up and Work

Under the job title of "Federal Emergency Relief Contractors / Special Project in South Florida," I found an intriguing call for "Cooks, Dishwashers, Food service workers, Shower operators (sanitizing showers and refilling supplies), Laundry workers, General maintenance people, Administrative assistants, Machine Operators, Project Managers (this is a higher skilled position), Janitors, Laborer, Grounds Maintenance, Washer, Machine Appliance Mechanic, General Maintenance Worker, Laborer, Driver Courier, Parking and Lot Attendant, Shuttle Bus Driver, Truck driver, Light, Truck driver, Medium, Truck driver, Heavy and Truck driver, Tractor-Trailer."

The best part of the ad was this paragraph:

Workers are expected to do any tasks assigned and work 7 days/week, 12 hour/ day – 40 hours regular time pay and 44 hours overtime pay. They must provide their own transportation to and from the work-site, and will be provided shelter, and all meals. This commitment could be up to 6 weeks or more. Workers will be paid the prevailing wage designated for each area.

So this thing is like bootcamp, or prison, except you get paid. It could also double as a sort of in-patient weight-loss or detox program and stop-smoking clinic, I'd bet.

If I was a Fox Newser, I'd cry out against the socialist nature of this Nazi Work Camp. If I was an MSNBCer, I'd glory in the Peace Corps/New Deal aspect of it all. As an unemployed writer, I see it as a story and two paychecks. Six weeeks of 84-hour weeks and free meals? Maybe a bunch of stories. I'd embed on this one.

I'm gonna apply for Laborer, Grounds Maintenance.

Rolling Stone? The Atlantic?

Marriage Counselor Headphones

I generally believe that the power of the testimonial in advertising (for certain items) can be effective. Regular people extolling the virtures of some product or service are just more believable than some smooth or smarmy voiceover talent reading the carefully crafted prose of some bitter, dark-souled, lying copywriter. It's just an older form of what has come to be known as "word of mouth marketing." But Darlene and Jack B. of California take it one step beyond in this ad for TV Ears, a gadget for people who can't hear their TVs.

Darlene: Jack used to keep the TV up so loud, I was damn near ready to stab him. Or at the very least, leave him.
Jack: I used to keep the TV up so loud so I could hear the damned dialog over Darlene's incessant cackling. Man, she howls like a drunk fratboy watching Jackass 2, even when the jokes are formulaic and stupid.
Darlene: The only thing TV Ears can't fix is the sound of Jack chewing popcorn. Since he can only hear the TV now, he smacks and slurps like a frickin' goat - and he doesn't even know he's doing it.
Jack:Thanks, TV Ears, for preventing our marriage from ending tragically.
Darlene: Yes, or ending in a bloody homicide/suicide. We never even have to talk anymore. It's wonderful.

Scanned from Atlantic Monthly