More Letters From Don Draper's Wastebasket

Clickness = Bigness

Previously, a letter from the Jentzen offices in Portland.

Tea Party (with Red Peppers and Dom Perignon)

 

I am offering, for a short time, limited edition prints of my latest composition. (Click image for larger.) As I am terribly modest about my own work, I can't really explain it to you, so I'll share this review from Red State Art Digest:

At once haunting and timeless, Tea Party (with Red Peppers and Dom Perginon) is a masterwork of unparalleled import. The artist speaks in this kitchen scene to the passions, the fears, the freedoms and the dreams of the modern patriot. A brick of gold, a bong, a refrigerator bedecked with ageless truths, the artist blurs the boundaries between Libertarian and Libertine, offering us a glimpse of a new Age of Reason, where a man can dress as an 18th Century militia member and not be ridiculed for his patriotism.

The review went on with endless embarrassing flattery, but my modesty prohibits me sharing much more. OK, just a little more:

The spicy scent of the peppers nearly wafts from the canvas, reds so brilliant and succulent, while framed in the dual and subtle yellows of melted butter and solid gold, over which the patriot stands guard. Or does he guard his lady, she of the alluring eye and come-hither stance, suggesting a Fox News weekend anchorwoman? She represents truth, and the patriot will protect her.

Colour prints

20" x 16" £6000
16" x 12" £4300
12" x 10" £2800


Lith Prints

20" x 16" £5500
16" x 12" £3800
12" x 10" £2300

(In truth: I saw this old kitchen at the always awesome Plan 59, and it begged to be messed with.)

This is So Very, Very Wrong

And so funny because it's so wrong. Taking religious satire to a whole new level is Pastor Shepherd of "The Prayer Hour." When I first saw this guy, I thought he was for real. Said a friend on Facebook: "He's so close to the read deal, it's scary."



You can view all of Pastor Shepherd's videos here, including a (typically psychotic) Gary Busey interview.

We're All Deranged

If you enjoy satire or if the recent election left you spinning in a dizzy way, you might like Matt Taibbi's book The Great Derangement.

Going undercover in a Texas church, the author gets baptized, fakes speaking in tongues and makes friends with some lonely folks. While I found this technique evilly deceptive, the author balances his right-wing exposé with one as equally indicting of the left. Infiltrating some 9/11 Truth groups, he cleverly debunks their theories with an imaginary scene involving Cheney and crew as they mastermind an impossible scheme to take down the twin towers.

Taibbi is a bastard, but he is a truthful bastard, and this book, while disheartening, is also enlightening. In an outing to the mall with his church friends to "witness" to the masses, he is appalled at the desire of random strangers to unload their troubles on him, surmising:.

"No creature on earth is more inclined to public verbal diarrhea than a modern American; whether it's the AA culture, or the post-Me Generation emphasis on "finding yourself", or all those new-Woody Allens confessing to their therapists, or just too many damn people fantasizing about telling the audience of Oprah what influenced their latest album ("In the fourth track, I'm trying to share the sacred message of His Holiness the Dalai Lama..."), we live in a country where people believe implicitly in their right to bore the living shit out of absolutely everybody within haranguing distance with tales of their miserable, lonely, and inevitably self-deluding searches for personal fulfillment in the emotional desert that is our crass commercial culture."

In between ranting at (and sympathizing with) the hard left and the hard right, Taibbi skewers the process we call government, showing it for the back-room, lobbyist-driven sham that it is, regardless of which party is in power. The paperback edition has a September, 2008 afterword in which the author is even more disgusted at the tone of the McCain/Obama contest than he was with the do-nothing Democrats who took power under Pelosi.

He concludes that this fractured nation, and our ability to pick and choose and create our own customized news tailored to our prejudices and fears, has turned us into haters. We go to the polls to vote against someone, not for someone, and that person we vote against is the embodiment of all that is evil and corrupt - and we do so in the name of patriotism. Whether you're a Texas Christian convinced that Pelosi and Obama are tools of Satan, or you're a 9/11 Truther convinced that Cheney is the evil Illuminati's instrument for a new world government, you're both on the far fringes of reality, and you might do well to shut off your Internet for awhile and stop attending meetings that reinforce lies.

With a new cover by hipster illustrator Shephard Fairey, he of the iconic Obama art.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Oh No They Di'nt!

General Mills, franchisee for French yogurt maker Yoplait, is branching off in a new, and some believe, questionable direction, in hopes of increasing yogurt sales.

According to B. S. White, North American Regional Vice President for General Mills, Yoplait will be marketed under the name "Yo, playa" in certain cities in an attempt to reach a wider urban market not known for reliable or sustained yogurt purchases. Focus groups of young, street basketball players are said to have found the yogurt to be "most tasty," said White.African American marketers are not amused.

(This story is false. It's called parody, satire, tongue-in-cheek humor. If you really think General Mills is this stupid, then you need to send me $500 right away. It's been done, and we aren't slandering anyone, so lawsuits that may say otherwise are hereby declared frivolous by our legal department. Any resemblance to real persons where those real persons aren't really real is really coincidental. And if this was real, it shouldn't surprise anyone. Stupider things have been done.)

The Inauguration as Seen from Iran

A Potential Leader of a Revolution?
Showing wisdom beyond her years, Barack Obama's youngest daughter, Sasha, gives her father the traditional "Up yours!" gesture following his inaugural address on the steps of the Imperial Dome of Sorrow, while negligent mother Michelle Obama looks on.

Because Embedding Funny Stuff is Easier Than Creating It

Ben Affleck Shoots and Scores

I have been harsh toward Ben Affleck for injecting his face into politics, as if he had some sort of sway over the process or our opinions, but this guy nailed an impression last night on SNL, redeeming himself in the eye of many, I'm sure. He can bash his own side, and he does it very well. Why this guy doesn't stick to comedy and avoid the horrendous, shitty movies he keeps making, I don't know. If you've ever watched Keith Olbermann's "Countdown" on MSNBC, you'll love this send-up.

Just When I Thought I Was Getting Better

Someone sent a routine email to the entire department this morning, to which I fired off ("Reply All," naturally) what I thought was a fun little moment of levity for the team. Then I get this from a coworker, who apparently thinks I'm a dick. I guess this thing is making the rounds of Corporate America this week. Ah, well. it's pretty funny anyway. Truth hurts, I suppose, but I'm not taking this drug.

Click for maxi-view

Finding the Antichrist on Google

This is my 666^th blog post here on Where's My Jetpack? So now is the perfect opportunity to engage in the time-honored practice millions of fringe religious groups, theologians and prophecy "scholars" have engaged in since Nero was impaling Christians around Rome and then setting their bodies aflame. (To my Christian readers: Tim LaHaye's Left Behind series is pure and utter Crap. With a capital "C.")

Using Google, I will type in the names of prominent figures along with the word "antichrist." (Example: Olsen twins + antichrist) and then display the number of search results for each query.

Results:

Ahmadinejad 39,400
McCain 102,000
Bush 133,000
Obama 176,000
Hillary 232,000
Clinton 443,000
Gates 563,000
Jobs 597,000

Based on these results, I predict that if Clinton gets the nomination of her party and goes on to defeat McCain, there will be human sacrifices on the South Lawn of the White House every full moon, as well as during the solstices and equinoxes - or as often as it shall please Her Majesty, the Anointed One.

I was surprised by Steve Jobs edging out Bill Gates as a possible antichrist.

Then again, here is a photo of Steve Jobs as a child.

One more thing: searching Google + antichrist netted 984,000 results, proving perhaps that one day we will all serve our evil master Google.

Yeah, you're right. We already do.

(To my Jewish readers: The Hebrew character that respresents the number "6" is the same character that represents the letter "w" right? So "www" equals "666." Cool, huh?)