Oh No They Di'nt!

General Mills, franchisee for French yogurt maker Yoplait, is branching off in a new, and some believe, questionable direction, in hopes of increasing yogurt sales.

According to B. S. White, North American Regional Vice President for General Mills, Yoplait will be marketed under the name "Yo, playa" in certain cities in an attempt to reach a wider urban market not known for reliable or sustained yogurt purchases. Focus groups of young, street basketball players are said to have found the yogurt to be "most tasty," said White.African American marketers are not amused.

(This story is false. It's called parody, satire, tongue-in-cheek humor. If you really think General Mills is this stupid, then you need to send me $500 right away. It's been done, and we aren't slandering anyone, so lawsuits that may say otherwise are hereby declared frivolous by our legal department. Any resemblance to real persons where those real persons aren't really real is really coincidental. And if this was real, it shouldn't surprise anyone. Stupider things have been done.)

How Disney Spins a Miscalculation

The Masters of Illusion. The Cult of The Mouse. The Price-Gouging Bringer of All Manner of Eurotrash To My Town.

I can go on forever with derogatory terms for the company that built Orlando, but they know what they're doing at all times. When everyone else is reporting dismal quarterly earnings, Disney's earnings go up 22%.

Disneyworld's Pleasure Island, a collection of themed clubs and hangouts that draw not just tourists, but many locals, will soon see the shuttering of six of those clubs. Company officials acknowledge that customers want "more broad-based dining and retail options." Broad-based? Is that code for, "Not enough blacks were frequenting the BET Soundstage Club," one of the clubs on the doomed list? Maybe it's copy like this, from the Pleasure Island website, that failed to connect with BET fans:

BET Soundstage™ Club – Bust a move on over to this two-story soundstage environment and groove on down to the dance floor where the DJ spins phat tunes from the latest hip-hop to old-school R&B favorites.

Bust a move? Groove on down? Phat? Yeah, best to shut that club fast. Surprised they didn't say "Slap my hand, black soul man!"

Also doomed: 8 Trax, a club that sounds like a nightmare if you believe the web copy:

8 Trax – Boogie oogie oogie to this '70s and '80s club for all your retro dancing favorites. If you love to get down to the Bee Gees, Donna Summer and the Village People, make tracks over to 8 Trax!

And what will Disney do with the closed clubs? In typical Disney-speak, which is akin to political-speak, they will only say that they have "A Bold New Vision."

Translation: More Harley-Davidson and NASCAR-themed stuff.