Victors & Spoils

This is one of a few ideas I submitted to Victors and Spoils as the deadline approaches for Harley, a brand in need of new devotees. (Click.)

Rebel Without a Plan

When I first caught the headline that Harley-Davidson and its long-time agency Carmichael-Lynch had parted ways, I thought it was the typical case of the client firing the agency. Turns out it was the other way around. Ad people love that kind of story. Kicking a big, stubborn client to the curb is the dream of many. 

Everyone knows that Harley is fairly stuck in a groove (perhaps a rut) of selling its wares to people of a certain demographic: suburban, middle-aged, professional, white; people for whom the motorcycle is a mere hobby, albeit a somewhat serious hobby - and an expensive one. Living in a state that attracts motorcycle enthusiasts, and particularly Harley enthusiasts, year-round for gatherings, events and hanging out, I can tell you that the stereotype of Barbie and Ken Biker is an accurate one. It's almost to the point that Harley is the opposite of what it wants to be - what it used to be: cool. How cool is it to have the same bike as everyone else when everyone else is a grey-haired guy playing biker on the weekend?

They were on a wild ride for a long time. Big, loud, shiny and expensive, with an official accessories line that includes branded clothing for infants and HD-branded doo-rags for the dudes who don't know how to tie a real bandana into a doo-rag, but Harley has finally been slowed down by the economy. You can't sell a $15,000 toy to a guy who isn't sure he'll have a job next month, even if you do offer your own easy financing. I'm not saying Harley didn't do things right. They had perfect pitch for the high-rolling times they thrived in.

But now is a dangerous time to be Harley, and if they keep doing what they've always done they will only sink further. There are a few directions they can take this, and each will require bold thinking and a fair amount of risk. But since Harley prides itself on the rebel image, maybe they'd be willing to prove that image by actually being what they've only pretended to be for too long. Harley's CMO, Mark-Hans Richer said, "the company feels good about its creative direction." OK, Mark-Hans, you keep doing it your way and we'll keep seeing headlines like this.

I hear Wisconsin is beautiful this time of year. Send the corporate jet down to fly me up and I'll give you the pitch. I'll do it off-the cuff, Don Draper style. Should only take a couple of minutes. Afterward, I'd like to tour that $60 million museum if there's time. Then maybe we can catch a Packers game from your skybox at Lambeau.

Wing Away, Free as a Skylark, And as Gay

(Click to read the copy.) Seems there was a time (1931) when you could sell a man on the free-wheeling nature of motorcycle riding by appealing to his wish to imitate the skylarks, and join the good, gay fellows who spend their play hours on Harley-Davidsons.

Thanks to Jumpin' Jimbo Cox for the tip.

Create an Ad for Something You Won't Buy

If I've got a feminine hygiene client, I'd rather turn the brief over to a female copywriter who understands the product and the audience better than I ever will.

Much of our lives in advertising are spent trying to sell stuff we don't really believe in, much less use. Often, that takes some necessary mind bending and moral adjusting. (I suppose some of us, like the Sham-Wow guy, have no problems selling what we know is a sham.) Other times, you can just put yourself in the shoes or the head of the would-be buyer. I am currently trying to do that with a healthcare client that caters to seniors. It's not a very fun head to get into; the sick, old head. I might be a senior copywriter, but this copy will come out much better if I could assign it to a senior.

As I postpone the task, I decided to exercise my mind and create this spec ad for Vespa. I would probably never buy a Vespa because somewhere along the line I bought into someone's suggestion that Vespas were for girls, gays, and Roman holidays. The imaginary brief for this imaginary ad would say, "We want to target those who are contemplating throwing in their lot with the Harley crowd." That would be a tough sell. Or maybe not.

Full size

Spec Ad for Trade

It gets kinda big if you click it

Dear Triumph Motorcycles,

I have toyed with the idea of owning a motorcycle for some time. Now that gas prices are ridiculous and my daily 50-mile round-trip commute is eating into my wallet at a rate I do not want to sustain for much longer, I am more than toying with the idea.

I live in Florida, where easily 4 out of 5 bikes on the road are Harleys. I find that the Harley subculture has turned into a real culture, far from "sub," far from individual and miles from the roots of HD as a rebel brand. Beyond that, I find the price-tags of Harleys to be prohibitive.

I have thought about Indian motorcycles, "America's First Motorcycle," as a viable alternative, but their slow efforts at rebuilding and their near duplication of the Harley look (and price) prevented me from thinking too deeply.

Then I saw the Bonneville Black. I am in love with a motorcycle. There is nothing not to like about this bike. Just sitting there, it conveys everything that a motorcycle should be. It is not showy. It is not excessive. It is, in a word as timeless as the Bonneville itself: cool. And the price is the final deal closer. I want one. Now.

So, in addition to the ad at top, I'll also be a fairly loyal brand advocate here on this blog based on my experiences with the bike you will provide me for free upon reading this letter. (You will be allowed two rounds of edits on the ad.) A dealer up in Daytona has one in stock. Please let them know to have my new ride prepped and ready to roll by next Friday.

Thank you in advance for your kind cooperation.

Sincerely,

Jetpacks

How Disney Spins a Miscalculation

The Masters of Illusion. The Cult of The Mouse. The Price-Gouging Bringer of All Manner of Eurotrash To My Town.

I can go on forever with derogatory terms for the company that built Orlando, but they know what they're doing at all times. When everyone else is reporting dismal quarterly earnings, Disney's earnings go up 22%.

Disneyworld's Pleasure Island, a collection of themed clubs and hangouts that draw not just tourists, but many locals, will soon see the shuttering of six of those clubs. Company officials acknowledge that customers want "more broad-based dining and retail options." Broad-based? Is that code for, "Not enough blacks were frequenting the BET Soundstage Club," one of the clubs on the doomed list? Maybe it's copy like this, from the Pleasure Island website, that failed to connect with BET fans:

BET Soundstage™ Club – Bust a move on over to this two-story soundstage environment and groove on down to the dance floor where the DJ spins phat tunes from the latest hip-hop to old-school R&B favorites.

Bust a move? Groove on down? Phat? Yeah, best to shut that club fast. Surprised they didn't say "Slap my hand, black soul man!"

Also doomed: 8 Trax, a club that sounds like a nightmare if you believe the web copy:

8 Trax – Boogie oogie oogie to this '70s and '80s club for all your retro dancing favorites. If you love to get down to the Bee Gees, Donna Summer and the Village People, make tracks over to 8 Trax!

And what will Disney do with the closed clubs? In typical Disney-speak, which is akin to political-speak, they will only say that they have "A Bold New Vision."

Translation: More Harley-Davidson and NASCAR-themed stuff.

Release Your Inner Stripper

Not living in New York or LA, I don't know this store (shop, boutique, designer) so I can't even be sure what is being sold. The shoes, the bag, the black...thing...the models are wearing?

It doesn't matter. They are really selling a brand, a mood, a mystique, an attitude. And I'm sure it works on the demo targeted. I'm seeing Paris Hilton and the Olsen Twins.

Scamp did some nice work for Levi's where it's all about attitude and mystique. You know what Levi's are, what they mean. So the product doesn't even need to be in the ads.

Harley-Davidson could take a clue.

Previously in "Stranger Than Fashion"

Pink Shirted Soccer Team
Chicks Dig Stuffed Animals
Crocs: Just Say No
Androgyny Won't Go Away
ChuckTaylor Rolls in His Grave
On a Fashion Shoot

Scanned from The New York Times Magazine

I Take it Back - A Little

I guess I've been a little bit mean to Harley Davidson on this blog in the past (hoping in vain that Indian Motorcycles would get their act together up in North Carolina) but this new cycle from HD turned my head.

Susan Carpenter, writing in the LA Times, says it very well: "...the 2008 Softail Cross Bones, a bike that spins back the hands of time to an era when Harleys weren't ridden by dentists."

But if I ever buy one (unlikely), I'll make sure the dealership paints it flat black, with no Harley logo.

You Rock, Dude

My advance apologies to any faithful readers who own a tie like this.

The guy who buys these ties is thinking, "Hey, man. Just 'cause I wear a suit doesn't mean I'm not a rebel....man!" He's got a foot in both worlds and the kids in the office will respect him because he's a cool boss. He is the same guy who keeps a shiny pair of his and hers Harleys in the garage for Sunday rides in full leather tough-guy costume, headscarf mandatory. (Not a headscarf fashioned from a bandana, which is what a headscarf is supposed to be, but a pre-cut, pre-tied headscarf with a Harley logo on it.)

The kids in the office are thinking, "What a dork," or whatever kids call dorks these days.

Speaking of old rockers not being cool, check out Ross Halfin's excellently brutal synopsis of a recent Stones concert in London. "Dire...lifeless...dreadful...awful."

A Random Sampling of Random Visitors

Here's a snapshot of yesterday's drop-ins at Where's My Jetpack?

Average visitor is likely a male, in need of transportation, be it a jetpack or a motorcycle (not a Harley). He is also in the market for porn of the Indian or Xena variety. And he could use a burrito.









I'm sure all of these searchers were quite disappointed in my offerings. Search is not an exact science. It's obviously very much a hit and miss exercise in many cases, even when you've got giants like Google and Technorati working for you.

Quit Your Job and Buy a Harley

I think it's odd how the motorcycle manufacturer that now has gift shops in airports, its own line of designer beef jerky, huge movie endorsements, expensive clothing and "collectibles" all over its website, can still pretend to be the icon of rebellion.

"The man" didn't need quotation marks. And I'm not even sure what you want me to do here. If I don't have to spend a lifetime working for the man, then I guess you're appealing to my sense of entrepreneurship? Help me out here, Harley. Before I tell "the man" to "take this job and shove it" and ride off on a midlife crisis adventure with John Travolta and Martin Lawrence, do I sign up for the easy extended payment plan through Harley Davidson Financial Services?

You have become the man, HD. And your old brand position is no longer valid.

Previously in I hate Harleys.
Previously in Harleys Suck

Let The Biker Wars Begin

As I suspected, the upcoming Touchstone Pictures release Wild Hogs, will be a giant product placement vehicle for Harley Davidson. (vehicle...heh.)
















Beware, Harley: Market backlash will soon be upon you.

Hey, Indian, this could work in your favor. Granted, you have a long way to go to catch the big HD, but you can't buy this sort of negative press for your competitors.

Indian is gearing up. Today they launched their new website.

The Anthony Hopkins film, "World's Fastest Indian," was premature, released before Indian could start cycle production. It did poorly at the box office, too.

Need a New Rebel Brand

Down here in Florida, where it's pretty much motorcycle riding weather year round, we see an overabundance of a certain breed of enthusiast out on the weekend, riding very nice and expensive bikes and decked from head to toe in shiny matching leather outfits. The bikes are pristine and well-cared for and the riders are very carefully groomed as they try to affect the dangerous mystique that riders of their particular brand of bike had in the glory days of Outlaw Bikers.

But you can see behind the fake grimaces the perfect teeth of the well-paid upper middle class. When they park their bikes, they get out little cloths and wipe them down. "Oops. Water spot on my tailpipe." The cloths are emblazoned with the logo of their bike manufacturer.

Nearly 5 to 1*, these weekend pretenders prefer a particular brand of motorcyle. They wear boots from the same maker, as well as jackets, chaps, headscarves, t-shirts, gloves and I'm sure, underwear and socks.

I don't ride a bike yet. But when my time for mid-life crisis comes and I'm feeling the need to make loud noises on the highway with the wind in my hair, there is no way in hell I will ride one of those bikes. The original rebel has turned rebellion into a style all its own - and it's lost all its edge.

Which is why I am watching with interest the resurrection of Indian Motorcyles. They've got a perfect built-in brand builder: America's First Motorcycle. The logo is nice too. They recently bought a plant in North Carolina and hope to be manufacturing bikes mid-year. I will want one. And I want to work on this account. To make a dent in a market completely dominated by a certain Milwaukee bike maker would be fun. And I would pitch the rebel angle.

Suburban street. Clean-shaven dentist sits idling at a red light on his sparkly ego-booster, checking his teeth in the mirror, fixing his hair, pulling out a grey one. Up comes a couple on an Indian, male and female, (try to get Sam Elliot and Andie MacDowell) who idle alongside. Their bike is not clean, neither are they. Glances exchanged, slight smirk crosses Sam's face. Tight shot on gas tank logo. Roar off. Logo and tag: America's First Motorcycle.

You're only selling a mystique, and the mystique of the competition has vanished in market overload. You're selling rebellion, and an army of matching suburbanites riding the same bike doesn't speak of dissent.

I see HD riders trading their bikes in for Indians real soon.

*Ratio is completely made-up and reflects the author's disdain for the overhyped bikes of Milwaukee.


UPDATE: No sooner do I post this and Touchstone Pictures announces the soon coming "Wild Hogs." From the studio: A mis-matched group of bored suburbanites longing to escape the stress of their daily lives and embrace the freedom of the open road finds that it takes more than polished chrome and leather jackets to truly experience the biker lifestyle in this revved-up road comedy starring John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, and William H. Macy. Upon trading the comfort of the couches for the thunderous rumble of their two-wheeled street machines, these four adventurous riders cross paths with the notorious Del Fuegos - an authentic biker gang that doesn't take kindly to the weekend warrior type.

Well, good. I hope Travolta and company all get their asses kicked. But my guess is there will be a bunch of HD product placements in this movie.