A Democrat Wearing an American Flag Tie?

How weird.

This is Alan Grayson, candidate for Florida's 8th Congressional District, held for four terms by Republican Ric Keller. This is what we call Straight Talk. As far as small stakes political ads go, this one's got more bite than most. Nice set, nice delivery. Compelling message. And he didn't include his family or a dog or slow-mo shots of him shaking the hands of many ethnicities in the streets of Orlando with his sleeves rolled up.

There Are Two Kinds of People in This World

As Hillary Clinton continues to destroy everything in her path in pursuit of power, it is sad and sickening to watch the final death throes of her campaign. It’s like the Wicked Witch’s last scene in The Wizard of Oz. The shock on her face as Dorothy throws the bucket of water, then the shrieks and hissing as she melts down to her hat and cloak. (Did I just call Hillary Clinton a witch? Absolutely. And that makes me no more a misogynist than calling Bush a chimp makes me a zoo keeper.)

About a week ago, I almost felt pity for her. “She fought hard,” I lied to myself. “She certainly has grit and stamina,” I justified. Then my mind was suddenly liberated from that demonic reasoning and I recalled the despicable tactics, the rule-changing in mid-game, the charge that anyone who isn’t a Hillary supporter is sexist and the countless other shameful acts she and her husband have shown us this political season. Now she insists that letting her have her way, giving her the presidency she so desperately wants, so in her heart believed was hers, is on the same moral plane as the abolition of slavery, the civil rights movement or women’s suffrage. And her die-hard legion of cultists truly believe “She cares about ME.” No, she doesn’t. She cares about nothing and no one but herself. If the states that went for her opponent don’t matter and the rules don’t matter, YOU sure as hell don’t matter.

Smile, point and wave. At invisible people on the tarmac.

As she now brazenly lies and cheats, she is turning our already ugly politics on its hideous head. She is spitting and shitting on us, and telling us while she does so that it’s for our own good. Thank you, Queen Hillary. May I have a towel? Maybe she actually is mad, as in crazy, as some suggest. I think she’s merely soulless.

But if she were my mother or sister or aunt, I’d probably try to avoid her phone calls and maybe gently suggest she seek counseling and medication. If she were my wife, I’d have divorced her years ago. Take the house, take half my money. Hell, take it all! Please, just go. If Obama picks her as his running mate, he’s a tool and a fool. Is America ready for a female president? Stupid question. Quit asking. Of course we are. But America will never be ready for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Now, for the other kind of person in this world.

Grace Moon, a 6th grader from California, won Google’s Doodle 4 Google competition. She came up with this very cheerful design. Here’s Grace’s explanation: My doodle, "Up in the Clouds," expresses a world in the sky. This new world is clean and fresh, and people are social and enlightened. Every person here is treated as family no matter who they are. The bright sun heats this ideal place with warmth, love, and brightens everyone's day.

I will not throw dark clouds at your sunny vision, Grace. But you show beyond-your-years insight by explaining that this world you’ve created with your art is in the sky. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Very nice. A+.

And Now, a Word From William

If thou would but clicketh, the image most assuredly doth groweth

Because I'm Looking Out For You

Click for some super-sized 1024 x 768 gorgeousness
Just in case you, like me, can't get enough of Hillary Clinton, I made you this lovely desktop background. I'm not even going to charge you for it. You're welcome. If you gaze long enough at the picture, you'll come under her spell. Surrender, Dorothy.

It's not enough that I see her angelic face every time I go to Google News, or see her tireless, warrior visage in my reader, or find her likeness on every web site in the form of banner ads posing the question "Should Hillary Quit?" Heavens no, she shouldn't quit. She's a fighter. She's been fighting for people like you and me for over 35 years and so I was compelled to create this collage. I love turning on the TV at any time of the day or night, assured that I will certainly be treated to her soothing voice and reassuring words. I will see her pointing and nodding with confidence, a confidence that is instantly imparted to me, with which I can face whatever the day may hold. It is a confidence that allows me to slumber like a child at night, carefree in a peaceful and undivided nation governed by the Former First Lady and current Junior Senator from New York.

All this talk of "Clinton fatigue" is coming from a bunch of misogynist men who are afraid of powerful women. They don't recognize how perfect she is for our country because they are blinded by their ignorance and arrogance. I am going to have her face tattooed on my chest. I'm going to buy a 70s van with a waterbed in the back and have her awesomeness airbrushed onto the side (maybe reclining in a bikini with a giant rounded afro, a white tiger on a leash).

I'm glad that tomorrow the fate of the nation rests in the hands of old, underemployed, high-school educated white women from rural Pennsylvania who hate black people. They will speak for us, and they will send a loud and clear message to those Superdelegates that if they let some smooth-talking Muslim gangsta win the nomination, then they've clearly lost their minds and deserve to have John McCain as their President, who at least has passed the Commander in Chief test and would be better than some guy who gave a speech in 2004.

Game Over, Monster

When the clock runs out and you are behind in the score, you don’t run to the referees to claim you were mounting a great last-minute drive, and were it not for that damned clock, you’d have won.

You accept that you’ve lost. You shake the other team’s hands. You say, “Good game.” You walk off the field. You don’t cry, “Give us the game, ref.”

You also don’t suggest that the obvious winner can now be your runner-up if they want. You don’t pretend to have won when you’ve clearly lost. That is called poor sportsmanship. In other circles, it’s called cheating. Just ask Bill Belichick.

If the SuperDelegates hand this nomination to Clinton after a clear Obama win, expect a bunch of players to never play again. And expect Hillary to get her clock cleaned by McCain.

It's 3 AM, and Hope is For Fools

Spin to Win. What Senator Clinton is really saying in that 3AM ad, with the ominous voiceover, spooky music and Ms. Clinton appearing at perfect calm with this troubled world in the end, wearing her new Tina Fey smarty glasses.

I've had enough of the spin, so I put my own audio on Hillary's now famous/infamous ad.



DISCLAIMER: I'm not an Obamaton. I'm just an observer at this point.