Google Has a New Logo!

And New Zealand is getting a new flag.

Google. Always fixing what isn't broken and making it worse.

Take Maps for instance. Worked great before. Until they updated it, slowed it down and made it stupid. They give you the option to revert to old maps, but before they'll take you there, they want to know WHY you're reverting to the old maps. Because the new maps sucks and slows everything down and is stupid?

Maybe I'm not the guy to ask, since I use XP Pro at home (and Photoshop 7). Why? Because they work just fine.

Lately, I can't access the templates of some of my blogs hosted on Google's Blogger platform because...well...because THEY UPDATED IT AND NOW IT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.

"Refresh the page," they tell me. Good god, man! Is that your solution? "Turn it off and turn it back on again," is what techs tell end-users when they don't want to figure it out.

Here, Google: I refreshed. And I get a whole new error code every time! You guys are starting to suck.

You know, Google, I've been loyal to your stuff from WAY back, but I might be about done.

Google's Cutesy Logo Whimsy Extended to Subsidiaries

But they are apparently putting the junior designers on the project. Or the interns. Or some child. But art and design being entirely subjective, I fully expect someone to come along and say "I love it!" That's fine. I'll "agree to disagree" as long as you agree that your opinion is stupid.

In the Future, Google Will Declare the Holidays

Oh, those hipster Googalians. always changing their logo and making you hover over it to see the alt tag because you didn't recognize by the funky coolness that today was Share Water with a Third-Worlder Day, or the anniversary of some surrealist's death, or International Think Positively Day or whatever. (Here are all of the Google logo changes for 2008.)

And of all the birthdays Google might've honored today, from Christina Ricci to Franco Zeffirelli to Adolf van Egmond (duke of Gelre/earl of Zutphen), they went with Charles "Chuck" Darwin, the famed test pilot and space pioneer who died in a fiery crash off the coast of the Galápagos Islands. Not even a nod to the president everyone thinks was a god all of a sudden, Abraham "Cro-Magnon" Lincoln, whose personal love for his country we all celebrate every year on February 14^th with flowers, candy, teddy bears and sexy lingerie.

Google kids, you are too hip for me.

There Are Two Kinds of People in This World

As Hillary Clinton continues to destroy everything in her path in pursuit of power, it is sad and sickening to watch the final death throes of her campaign. It’s like the Wicked Witch’s last scene in The Wizard of Oz. The shock on her face as Dorothy throws the bucket of water, then the shrieks and hissing as she melts down to her hat and cloak. (Did I just call Hillary Clinton a witch? Absolutely. And that makes me no more a misogynist than calling Bush a chimp makes me a zoo keeper.)

About a week ago, I almost felt pity for her. “She fought hard,” I lied to myself. “She certainly has grit and stamina,” I justified. Then my mind was suddenly liberated from that demonic reasoning and I recalled the despicable tactics, the rule-changing in mid-game, the charge that anyone who isn’t a Hillary supporter is sexist and the countless other shameful acts she and her husband have shown us this political season. Now she insists that letting her have her way, giving her the presidency she so desperately wants, so in her heart believed was hers, is on the same moral plane as the abolition of slavery, the civil rights movement or women’s suffrage. And her die-hard legion of cultists truly believe “She cares about ME.” No, she doesn’t. She cares about nothing and no one but herself. If the states that went for her opponent don’t matter and the rules don’t matter, YOU sure as hell don’t matter.

Smile, point and wave. At invisible people on the tarmac.

As she now brazenly lies and cheats, she is turning our already ugly politics on its hideous head. She is spitting and shitting on us, and telling us while she does so that it’s for our own good. Thank you, Queen Hillary. May I have a towel? Maybe she actually is mad, as in crazy, as some suggest. I think she’s merely soulless.

But if she were my mother or sister or aunt, I’d probably try to avoid her phone calls and maybe gently suggest she seek counseling and medication. If she were my wife, I’d have divorced her years ago. Take the house, take half my money. Hell, take it all! Please, just go. If Obama picks her as his running mate, he’s a tool and a fool. Is America ready for a female president? Stupid question. Quit asking. Of course we are. But America will never be ready for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Now, for the other kind of person in this world.

Grace Moon, a 6th grader from California, won Google’s Doodle 4 Google competition. She came up with this very cheerful design. Here’s Grace’s explanation: My doodle, "Up in the Clouds," expresses a world in the sky. This new world is clean and fresh, and people are social and enlightened. Every person here is treated as family no matter who they are. The bright sun heats this ideal place with warmth, love, and brightens everyone's day.

I will not throw dark clouds at your sunny vision, Grace. But you show beyond-your-years insight by explaining that this world you’ve created with your art is in the sky. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Very nice. A+.

Good on You, Google

Seems Google finally heard the rumble of the bloggers when they decided to forgo a Memorial Day logo back in May - again - for the ninth year in a row. Today marks the first time Google has rolled out a Veterans Day log.

They play it safe, of course, and feature helmets from the World War I era. Still, nice to see Google honoring those who've served in the military in addition to their regular paying of respects on such honored days as Persian New Year, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s birthday and World Water Day.

Fred Phelps Says "Go Google!"

Dear Google:

You know I like you. I was one of your earlier adopters back in the late 90s, abandoning Yahoo!, AltaVista and other not-as-nice search engines. Your clean interface is my homepage. I think this Blogger service you provide is really, really valuable, and I appreciate that it’s totally free. I use your Gmail, too. Thanks.

I keep hearing that you intend to take over the world someday and become the Antichrist, but until you attempt to compel me by force to receive the Mark of the Beast, I’ll keep using your services and appreciating them.

I note how you alter your logo on off-the-wall holidays such as Persian New Year, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s birthday, World Water Day, and of course, Halloween. You give a nod to traditionally Christian holidays such as Christmas and Easter, keeping them safely Pagan with elves and bunnies. That’s cool. Mustn’t offend the hundreds of sensitive groups out there.

Which brings me to Memorial Day. It was never intended to be just another three day weekend or the official start of summer. Now I know one of your founders, Sergey Brin, was born in Russia and maybe doesn’t have an appreciation for this American holiday, but I’m asking Sergey, Larry and the rest of the 12,000 or so Google employees to consider once again honoring America’s war dead with a Memorial Day logo.

Here’s how you’ve responded in the past to requests for a Memorial Day logo:

“We understand your interest in seeing a Memorial Day Google logo. If we were to commemorate this holiday, we’d want to express reverence; however, as Google’s special logos tend to be lighthearted in nature, this would be a particularly challenging design. We wouldn’t want to create a graphic that could be interpreted as disrespectful in any way.”

Excuse me, Google, my friend, but I respectfully call “Bullshit.” Here are a few of the respectful, not-so-lighthearted logos your designers have come up with in recent years for various special days.































I’m no designer, but maybe a simple flag, perhaps a cartoon eagle bugler blowing "Taps." Something. Anything. Here you go; try this quick, one-off, reverent attempt:









That sort of PR crap coming out of your headquarters is not helping you one bit. It’s transparent, disingenuous, and it makes you look petty.

Do you fear being seen as partial to one particular political party? Will honoring war dead somehow implicate you as supportive of Bush’s Iraq war? Here’s news, Googleites: soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines, and coastguardsmen come in every color, they are of every political stripe, of every faith, age and temperament. The ones we honor on Memorial Day have one thing in common: they died in service to their country. Whether the war they died in was one we consider worthwhile or justified is not the point.

Throughout the summer after 7th grade, every day I would hoist my bicycle over the low stone wall of the beautiful public park that is Arlington National Cemetery, on my way to spend the day at the swimming pool on Fort Myer, Virginia. It was the shortest route from our house in Arlington, and the shade tree lined winding roads within the cemetery were much nicer than the traffic snarled streets on those sticky Virginia summer mornings and evenings. It was a quietly haunted but peaceful place, with names of people from long ago whizzing by in a quick recap of America's many wars. Sometimes I’d ride slow and look at the names, calculate their ages at death, note the crosses, stars of David, or the crescent moons.

It’s hardly shameful, Google, to acknowledge the sacrifices of all those people in Arlington National Cemetery and hundreds of other cemeteries nationwide and across the seas. You do your good name and esteemed brand a great disservice by refusing to pay them the respect of a simple one-day logo alteration. I hope you break with tradition this Monday.

Thanks to Freelance Fred for the heads-up.