Crist Unleashes Too Little Too Late Banner Campaign

Charlie Crist, the man who hastily got married in an effort to disspell rumors that he was gay so that John McCain would consider him for his running mate before McCain so graciously gave America Sarah Palin, is in a futile battle with Marco Rubio, the Tea-Party favorite predicted to win a Senate seat for Florida today. Crist has been relatively silent in the ad department, while Rubio saturated the airwaves. Now Crist appears in banners, the day of the election, with these silly ads that attempt to make Rubio look like Fidel Castro and Che Guevara's best friend. Or at least make him look like some third-world terrorist and fugitive. All shadowy and blue, with disjointed font that suggests chaos. He's "too extreme." Vote for the tan white man. Kendrick Meek, my early favorite, is now a distant third. 

Crist, by nearly every account, is a career opportunist, always looking for the next rung on the ladder that will take him to his ultimate goal, his own private tanning bed in the Oval Office. After he loses today, I wonder what a guy who has spent his entire life in public office looking for the next opportunity is going to do. Reality show? Game-show host? "Who Wants to Be a Politician?" I wouldn't put it past him.

I'll head up to the polls at lunch and cast my worthless vote. I will ride my bike there. In flip-flops and shorts. Our polling station is the local Baptist church, and it is always a strange feeling to observe the old, Conservative white people who staff the polls observing me. And I know what they're thinking. But they are wrong. I am an independent. But if you ride your bike to the polling station in flip-flops in this neighborhood, you're clearly voting one way. Maybe I'll spray-paint the red Anarchy symbol on an old t-shirt just to freak them out a little more.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Breathe: It Will All Be Over Tomorrow

Tomorrow is primary day here in Florida, and perhaps some street corners and medians will be cleaned of campaign signs, the airwaves will be cleaned of lying, misleading ads, and Rick Scott will go back to doing what he does best, running the most successful Medicare fraud operation in history.

Here's Ricky's latest banner ad, labeling the Ground Zero Mosque, "Obama's." Nice.

Bridging the NASCAR Gap

While the Republicans hash out who they want as their nominee for the Senate race in Florida (Charlie "I Swear I'm Heterosexual" Crist, or Marco "I'm the Cuban Reagan" Rubio) one hopeful Democrat challenger is a South Florida Congressman named Kendrick Meek, and Kendrick's team has a brilliant idea. They're going to bring a little color to NASCAR. Meek is sponsoring a car in the Daytona Nationwide Series Race and wants you to join him and his family on Pit Road.

Why do I like this? Let's be honest, NASCAR has avoided blacks forever, and I'd bet for the most part blacks have avoided NASCAR. It's a redneck sport, truthfully. (Oh, come on. You know it is, even if it has been reaching out to include bikers and football fans, or the younger, full-sleeve tattoo set. Do a Google image search for NASCAR fans and let me know what page you get to when you finally find a black person who isn't the President.)

Meek's district includes Miami's Little Haiti neighborhood. It will be fun to watch him mingle with the crowd, many of whom will be overheard murmuring, "He's very articulate."

Tom Feeney, You Scummy Skank

You and the creators and producers of this ad really are lowlife little gutter whores, linking your opponent in your desperate fight to keep your House seat to the hijackers of 9/11. (Note the driver's license of Mohamed Atta, ringleader of the 9/11 gang.)



Tom Feeney is a borderline criminal and a conman who has been ranked consistently as one of the 20 most corrupt members of Congress by watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington. No small feat, given that there are 535 members of Congress. (House + Senate) Good job, Tom.

In case I haven't made it clear, Tom Feeney sucks. And a vote for Tom Feeney should make you feel very dirty.

Tom, if your people are smart enough to troll the blogs and look for your name tagged in social media, let me make it clear: you are subhuman slime and a propagandist of the nastiest degree. You are not fit to represent a band of rabies-infected rats, much less the people of this state. While I don't live in your district, I know plenty of people who do. I urge them all to send you back home. To Pennsylvania.

Previously in "Tom Feeney, Gutter Dwelling Shitty Congressman."

A Democrat Wearing an American Flag Tie?

How weird.

This is Alan Grayson, candidate for Florida's 8th Congressional District, held for four terms by Republican Ric Keller. This is what we call Straight Talk. As far as small stakes political ads go, this one's got more bite than most. Nice set, nice delivery. Compelling message. And he didn't include his family or a dog or slow-mo shots of him shaking the hands of many ethnicities in the streets of Orlando with his sleeves rolled up.