Northeastern Scum Bringing Wicked Ways to Florida

Bike Week, one of several motorcycle-themed events held in crime-ridden Daytona Beach throughout the year, attracts a large crowd of hard-drinking, fun-loving, tattooed-in-places-you-shouldn't-be ordinary Americans who just want to have a wild, week-long party that might involve a little innocent meth, some harmless prostitution and the occasional trafficking in sex slaves. But now some New Yorker has come down and spoiled the fun for everyone.

Story found here.

The Real Ron Burgundy

You know how it is - you're searching for something on YouTube and accidentally find a time vault item that you can't ignore.

Horrible Headline Hell

Headline writers at news organizations are apparently a fun lot, occasionally infusing their work with cutesy crap, and too often going for alliteration, which is like the slapstick of prose. Red pen had to come out.

If I Can't Have Her, I'll Shoot Her New Dude's Dog

That'll win her back, I'm sure. Romantic Dispute leads to Dog Shooting.

(Picture from Virginia Aussie Rescue.)

Tom Feeney, You Scummy Skank

You and the creators and producers of this ad really are lowlife little gutter whores, linking your opponent in your desperate fight to keep your House seat to the hijackers of 9/11. (Note the driver's license of Mohamed Atta, ringleader of the 9/11 gang.)



Tom Feeney is a borderline criminal and a conman who has been ranked consistently as one of the 20 most corrupt members of Congress by watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington. No small feat, given that there are 535 members of Congress. (House + Senate) Good job, Tom.

In case I haven't made it clear, Tom Feeney sucks. And a vote for Tom Feeney should make you feel very dirty.

Tom, if your people are smart enough to troll the blogs and look for your name tagged in social media, let me make it clear: you are subhuman slime and a propagandist of the nastiest degree. You are not fit to represent a band of rabies-infected rats, much less the people of this state. While I don't live in your district, I know plenty of people who do. I urge them all to send you back home. To Pennsylvania.

Previously in "Tom Feeney, Gutter Dwelling Shitty Congressman."

No One Would Do This For a Cat

In the whole dog people vs. cat people debate, I come down on the side of dog people. I've owned a cat (or more accurately, the cat owned me) and I'm pretty sure if I saw it in the mouth of a shark, I would wish the shark happy eating and thank him for taking the evil cat off my hands. This story from the Keys today is pretty funny. This dude loves his dog.

ISLAMORADA, Fla. -- A dog is recovering after a Florida Keys carpenter dove in to save his pet from a shark.

Greg LeNoir said he took his 14-pound rat terrier Jake for a daily swim at a marina Friday.

The five-foot shark suddenly surfaced and grabbed nearly the entire dog in its mouth.

LeNoir said he yelled, then balled up his fists and dove headfirst into the water. He hit the shark in the back and the creature finally let go of the dog.

Man and dog made it safely back to shore. The dog suffered bite wounds but was not critically injured.

Via

Florida Congressman Says, "I'm a Fuck-Up. I'm Sorry."

In a heated battle to keep his seat against Suzanne Kosmas of New Smyrna Beach, Tom Feeney comes clean in a Dr. Phil inspired confessional spill-fest that he hopes will save his ass. I hope not. I've had enough of this blue-eyed lawyer punk. Apologizing because you got busted is a sorry-ass way to come clean. I'm not buying the faux-sincerity, Tommy Boy, even with the Country Kitchen Fruit-Bowl set your spin-masters designed. And ratchet down the sad, whipped-boy routine a notch. You sound like you're trying to get out of trouble with your 4th-grade teacher.

Time to find a real job, Mr. Pretend Public Servant.

Holy Cow

A local news station, desperate for news, ran two stories yesterday I could've done without. One was about a cat owner who sees an image of Jesus in her cat's fur. The other was about a plumber who sees an image of the Virgin Mary in a stain in a sink.

I couldn't see what they were seeing, and rarely can when these dumb things show up. Elvis in your grilled cheese. The Pope in a fire. Mary in the window of an office building. And it's always Jesus, Mary and Elvis. How did Elvis make that grade? Oh, well. Maybe some people get a faith lift out of imagining this stuff.

But until your dairy cow sports an image of Jesus like the one below, I won't be seeing what you're seeing.

Weatherman, You Are Hereby Useless

And you Weatherwomen as well. Or Meteorologists or weather readers or whatever you people are.

They brand their various radar systems with goofy names like Double Super Doppler Plus (Now with Life Saving Abilities!) and play with their little interactive maps, giving me way more info than I want or need. They compete with each other in blaring promos, arguing over who was the first to Track That Storm and Keep You Alive. And now they're giving us online tools like this one, where I can zoom down to my street and see when a storm might be coming. If I'm really concerned. I prefer to just let the weather come and deal with whatever shows up.