Anthony Bourdain Discovers Drunk Food

It's all over the Internet, so I might as well comment on it as well.


These two are wasted, no question, and of course that's what Waffle House is all about. But the way this thing is making the rounds of social media has me suspicious. Because I'm that way.

But Bourdain's gushing doesn't stop there. He appears on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert to promote his CNN show about, what else? What Bourdain shows are always about. Anthony Bourdain going around the world eating and drinking and talking about what a badass New Yorker he is, (basically, being a brash and obnoxious tourist) longing for the days when NYC was all junkies and whores and the sidewalks smelled of urine and there was a chance that any night in Manhattan you might be knifed or raped, before that bastard Giuliani kicked out all those colorful people and made it safe for (hocks up giant phlegm ball and spits with derision) TOURISTS. But there's something disingenuous about the way he goes into Waffle House spokesman here.

 

I smell Waffle House behind this. I'll never prove that. But there's way too much press behind this supposedly "real" moment for there not to also be some money behind it.

And that's fine if Bourdain is being paid to shill for Waffle House. Just be upfront about it.

Hail Nancy, Full of Grace

This woman needs to be stopped. I have an idea: don't watch her show. If you accidentally come across it, quickly turn away lest her snake-hair turn you to stone.

Even her own production crew are not fans, as evidenced by this old footage of them joyfully undermining her broadcast.



Since that show, way back in the Spring of '07, Nancy has devolved into an even worse caricature of herself. But as long as CNN can get big-name sponsors to buy time on her show, she is not going anywhere.

You're Watching The John Edwards Channel

Where it's all John Edwards, all the time.

Is anyone really surprised that a vain and pretty rich man who talked way too much about his concern for the impoverished and loved to tell you about his millworker father but never talked about his hedge fund work or his life as a vain and pretty rich trail lawyer, is guilty of feeding his ego by sleeping with another woman?

This is news?

It's the salacious slice of the week, from a media culture obsessed with enforcing a moral code they could never uphold themselves, casting stones and pondering the results of their stone-casting. Gay Republicans in airport bathrooms or straight Democrats in hotel bathrooms, it's all the same. Give us the pictures, the love letters, the stained dresses, the quotes from friends of friends. Tell us why this is important and why we need to stay tuned.

America, you suck so much sometimes.

My List of Talking Points is Better Than Yours

CNN will show another episode of Dancing With the Candidates tonight, where no questions will actually be answered and the regurgitation of talking points will be the norm. The judges will score the event on Best Zinger, Worst Stumble, Most Glaring Character Flaw Moment and Best Faked Sincerity.

They can both dance quite admirably. They spin, they twirl, they twist. At this point it’s pretty much down to talking points. We can recite the lines even if we've barely been paying attention. We’re all just waiting for someone to screw up in a big way and get voted off the show.

Click image to read captions, unless you have, like, really good eyes.

Diamonds or Pearls

Pardon the rant, but I'm getting fed up. I'm an undecided independent voter, and I resent the way that the media tries to sway my thinking. I expect that from the candidates, but not from what was once known as "the Fourth Estate."

It doesn't matter who he's interviewing, Leslie "Wolf" Blitzer always ends up a lapdog. He's been accused of being a Bush lackey, and now he's kissing Hillary's ass. He's much like Larry King. Whomever the polls say is hot, that's where his lips go. (Who names a lapdog "Wolf" anyway?)

It wouldn't be so bad if Leslie were not pretending to be a real journalist. He is, in reality, a talk show host with lots of giant TV monitors surrounding him. He calls this "The Situation Room."

When a debate is over, typically and predictably, all the candidate's spokeshacks and handlers crowd into a room and give one-sided interviews to the media. "Yes, I think Governor Richardson really came into his own tonight when he quoted John Lennon. People can sense in Governor Richardson a tough negotiator who isn't afraid to blah blah blah blah blah..." (Aside: Governor Richardson will be elected President when FEMA gets a call from Satan asking for assistance in dealing with the Blizzard of the Century that just hit Hell.)

But on CNN, they bring the Clinton spin doctors right into the studio with Grandstanderson Pooper and pretend as though they are "political analysts." James Carville gets to analyze a debate for the public when he is presently (he says he's not being paid) working for the Clinton campaign? Sitting with him is a former Clinton adviser, David Gergen. CNN, attempting to appease the right, throws in J.C. Watts, who is just thankful to still be considered relevant as he mumbles agreement with the other two.

I think I'm done with debate watching. At least on CNN. I think I'm done with the news altogether, because it's not the news. You can't tell entertainment from news, news from spin, spin from doctrine, gossip from fact, singers from anchormen, dancers from reporters. Is it any wonder so many people now get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert? Hell, I think "South Park" tells it straighter and fairer than most of these networks anymore.